MY Rock is Gone
I lost my husband of 12 years to esophagus cancer on May 16,2012. He was only 43 years old. I now have to raise our 2 beautiful daughters ages 4 and 6 on my own and what a scary thought that is for me.
Ryan was diagnosed August of 2011 after he was having trouble swallowing his food. The scope came back and told us it was cancer. We were shocked. The Doctors thought it was in the one spot and we got it early. He had his esophagus removed on Dec.16,2011 and we were able to bring him home on Christmas Eve at 4pm (little did we know then that it would be his last Christmas with us). We found out in January of 2012 when the pathology report came back that the cancer had moved into some limp nods so we got his chemo started right away. A few weeks into chemo he lost sight in one eye that is when we found out the cancer started to spread. He then got weak in one leg and they found the cancer spread more. He just kept going downhill after that. It ended up taking his eye,both legs,bladder, voice and was spreading into the brain. The Doctors thought he
would last about 3 months after the spreading started instead he lasted one week.
I have no regrets on my part. I took a leave from my job to stay home and look after him and the kids.
I am getting by day by day staying busy with the kids and doing as much fun stuff with them as I can because it is so unfair to them. Ryan was the most wonderful father and did so much with the kids all the time. The oldest child still cries every night over him and tells me how much she misses him. My heart breaks every night listening to her cry.
I always called him my rock. When I would panic over things he would calm me down just by talking it out.
He was the most positive person I ever met. The whole time he was sick he never complained and just said he was going to beat this. The sad part of his positive attitude there was no good bye from him.
He had so many friends the wakes and funeral were so busy. Once you met him once you never forgot him. Why is it that this stuff always happens to the good people.
I get so sad and scard when I think of the future and what he will miss out with our children and all the decisions I will have to make on my own.
I have read all the stories on this site and it is comforting to know so many other people are in the same place as I am and trying to get past all this grief we have. People tell me time will make things easier but at the 3 month stage things still feel the same to me.
I pray that we will meet again some day and that he is watching over us and will help me make decisions like he always did before.
Always loved by your wife Carly and daughters.