My rock, My bestfriend, My hero , My world, My DAD xx

by Lisa Armitage
(Bristol UK)

This is my dad and his celtic top we got made for his funeral and the picture of him the day of his wedding.

This is my dad and his celtic top we got made for his funeral and the picture of him the day of his wedding.

My dad had a heart attacks in 2011 he had to have loads of stents fitted in his heart. At the time they told him he had already suffered 3 heart attacks at the time he was having these heart attacks,he though they where very bad teeth ache or muscle pain! He survived them all! The doctors said people who have heart attacks normally pass away with in 2 years : ( my dad spent a very long time after the surgery worrying and thinking he was dieing, he would sit and tell us about what he wanted at his funeral and we would say stop talking like that.Me and my dad where late nighters we would sit up and chat for hours and I would listen and try to give him comfort.The 2 year anniversary come around on the 29 july 2013 we all went out to celebrate that he had got to the 2 years.we had a lovely meal and all the people he cared about was there.11 august 2014 it was around 3am in the morning I had been awake looking on ebay at mobility scooters as my dad was buying cheap ones and doing them up and saleing them on, I come across one that was vary cheap so I got my phone and was about to call my dad as.I new he would still be awake but then I seen the end time on the bid was not soon it was 8 hours away so I thought no I will ring him in the morning, so I turned ebay off and went to sleep. I woke up at around 8 in the morning and checked my phone had a drink and went back to sleep.next thing around 10.30am I am woken up to my phone ringing before the call I can remember something coming to my head like a big flash saying dad.i just new when I seen the phone saying sarah ( my dad's wife) that something was wrong!! my best friend and dad had gone : ( I was angry with my self and still am for not ringing him at 3am when I was going to!!!!if only I did ring him maybe I could of been aware he wasnt feeling well or he had pain, I mite of been able to save him : (. My dad aged 45 at the time died at home in his bed. I went up to his room to say goodbye and gave him a kiss and wished I could wake him up but I couldn't.The police and paramedics where there as my dad died at home they had to come out.We went to visit my dad the next day at the mortuary. He was moved a few days later to the funeral parlor where me and his wife went up and shave him and cut his hair and took his jeans and celtic football top for them to put on him. He loved celtic they where his favorite team. I had to arrange all the funeral and make sure everything was in order I known from previous late night chats how he wanted it. I also tried to make sure his wife was ok and my other siblings. The funeral come around everything went well and I hope he was looking down and thought the same. I haven't grieved im finding it so hard and lately been woken up from dreaming about him. I miss him so so so so much I just dont know how I can get over this. I also come to relise that after 1 month of my father passing away his wife had replaced my dad with a new man who was sleeping in the bed my dad died in: ( this hurt me so bad and still hurts me to this day. What makes it worse was that her new lover had taken pictures of my dad side of the bed and put them on facebook!! This killed me in side so much even since my dad died and I went up stairs to say goodbye I couldnt go back up and to see them really hurt!! Im so angry at her and feel so sad for my dad to have to watch him take over his place in such a short place of time. I love and miss my dad so much words can not even start to described how much I love and wish I could bring him back. This is my first time speaking out this much so I am sorry for the long story. Im sorry for everyone's loss and hope you all find comfort.

Comments for My rock, My bestfriend, My hero , My world, My DAD xx

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Jul 14, 2014
My rock, My best friend, My hero, My world My DAD xx
by: Doreen UK

Lisa Thank you for your update. I am so sorry for everything you are having to go through now. What your Dad's wife has done to you all will come back to her in some way. As the Scots would say. "She bit the hand that fed her." I was also born in Scotland and came down to England when I was 16yrs. That makes 50yrs. with one year out in Canada.
I am happy that you have your Mum for support and your sister. It will take you some time to get over your loss of your Dad.
A Change is as good as a rest and moving back to Scotland may be the best thing to do just now. It is good having another country to go back to, and just to put some distance between you and your Dad's wife. If you find yourself struggling with grief you can benefit from a few sessions with a grief counsellor. I did this years ago and it was the best way forward for me and I got my life back in more ways making life better. Having lost my husband to cancer 2yrs. ago I know what grief feels like. My 3 Children still struggle with losing their Dad. Scotland is such a beautiful country to live in. I am familiar with Glasgow, Paisley, Johnstone, and was born in Bridge-of-Weir. I only have one family member living in Scotland. A brother who lives in Aberdeen and loves it and would never leave. Feel free to write back. Don't worry if you have to pour out all your feelings. This is O.K. This site will support you as often as you need this. Best wishes for your new life in Scotland and I hope it all goes well and you get your life back in better ways.

Jul 12, 2014
Thank u doreen
by: Lisa

Hi Doreen thanks for your reply. My mother is still alive I speak to her all the time. My dad brought me and my sister up so I was more of a daddy girl. My dad wife isn't sorry at all!! She don't care at all she dnt talk to me or my sister now. I helped her so much to make sure she had everything sorted after my dad died but she just don't care. My father got a loan out and got a car but a few months later he was given a mobility car, so he gave my younger sister the car as long as she paid the money which she did pay. About the same time sheet this new bloke and we found out she got 2 men to go to my sister house and steal the car as she had the spare key the car had all my 4 year old nieces Xmas presents in and her iPad. She don't care . The thing that makes me so angry is she didn't hve the best up bringing my dad helped and made her a stronger and better person. All she can now say is your dad didn't have nothing at the end!! Well no he wasn't working as he was I'll with his heart. I'm so angry and upset!! I was originally born in Scotland but my dad moved me and my sister down to England to have a better up bringing he said. I am moving back to Scotland now as I can't handle not being in England with out my dad there is to many memories there of my dad and his wife is close to where I am staying, I think if I was to run in to her things wouldn't be good. I want all my dad things out that house so the other man ain't touching them. Sorry about going on lol had to get it all. When my dad though he had tooth ache yes it was heart attacks he always had some shoulder pains but the doctors said it's nothing to do with a heart attack!! They where wrong when he had the surgery they seen the scars on his heart!! Please dnt let your doctors fob you off keep pushing them for test. In 2011 after my dad had the heart surgery he went to an appointment to about getting something fitted to his heart so if it stopped it would kick start his heart again. At the appointment they said yes we are willing to the operation and fit it, I asked "how long will it take to get him in to get it done " he said " maybe 2 weeks to 1 month" well we never heard anything from them I kept asking my dad if I could ring them and push them and he said no. When my dad had the heart surgery in 2011 when they where fitting the stents his heart had to be shocked a few times where his heart was bad. My dad always rent the pain from them shocking him and was scared of being shocked again. So I think in away he didn't really want the operation . But only if the hospital kept there word maybe my dad would still be here now

Jul 12, 2014
Thank u ann
by: Lisa

Thank you ann for your kind words I think I am going to try get counseling I really think I need it. I don't think I'm ready to cry yet. Hopefully soon something inside will just let go and bring it all out. I hope u are well take care.

Jul 12, 2014
My rock, My best friend, My hero, My world, My DAD xx
by: Doreen UK

Lisa I am so sorry for your loss of your Dad at such a very young age. Same age as my son. I lost my husband of 44yrs. to a deadly cancer 2yrs. ago and the first paragraph on your fathers epitaph is the first paragraph I also used on my husband's gravestone as it was fitting when he died of this cancer and there was no cure to be found. His cancer was terminal caused by asbestos fibres. An incurable, and inoperable cancer. You never quite get over the loss of a parent. What happened to your Mum? or is she who you refer to as your Dad's wife? I hope you have some family to help support you through this sad loss of your father.
Your father's wife was very insensitive to replace your father so soon after his passing, although this can be quite innocent from not wanting to be alone. But nevertheless something she should have discussed with you so you would not have to bear this insult to injury. You may be able to resolve your anger over this if you talk to her and let her know how you feel and how disgusting and insensitive of her new man to put a picture of your father's bedside on facebook. This cannot be undone but an APOLOGY would go a long way in helping you to heal from this unjust action. She could have honoured your father and his memory by being sensitive and doing the honourable duty to not share anything in such a public space.
I have a heart condition that is monitored but you said something significant in your post about your father having toothache and not associating it with his heart. I have constant toothache also and my dentist does not understand. I am going to have this checked out now. Thank You! You may have just helped me here.

Jul 11, 2014
lisa
by: Anonymous

First i would like to say how sorry i am for the loss of your dad, i know nothing i can say will bring him back or make your pain any less to bare.Your dads wife is very tactless and thoughtless in her actions. Maybe she was afraid to cope alone, who knows for sure. Is there not another family member you can talk to or a close friend, if not you could try bereavement counseling Know from past experience how you are feeling right now. I know in time it will get easier to bare. Although it does not help you right now. I truly believe there is life after death, and your dad will watch over you always. Have faith, if it helps talk to your dad out loud, he will listen and he knows you love him and miss him badly. To cry is normal a good tension release, My thoughts and prayers are with you. God bless you. Ann

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