my sam

5 days ago i had my lovely dog put to sleep, he was 13 years old, i had him from 9 weeks old, he was the first dog i had ever owned, and probably the last. I dont think i could go through this pain i feel ever again. I feel such tremendous guilt, and hate myself for having to do it. I decided it would happen at home as he was scared of going to the vets and would tremble when in the waiting room. I arranged for it to happen the following day. That day came and i sat and waited for the vet to call to say what time the vet would arrive. When the call came late that afternoon, i was told they had an emergency so would be very late if at all that day. What torture, i told them leave it until tomorrow. That night lay in bed listening to him breathing, all i could think was this will be the last time i will ever be able lay here and hear that. I cried myself to sleep. He was crippled with arthritis and lost all his muscle in his back legs, i struggled daily to help get him up to go out to the garden. He often ended up doing his business where he lay. Not sure if he even realized what he had done. He was a big dog a lab cross, his mind was still alert and would give little barks to get me down to his level to make a fuss of him and have a tug of war with one of his many toys.That was what made it so hard. He wanted to do things his body would no longer allow him to do. If he was human he would be given a wheelchair. The day it happened: The vet arrived lunch time with a female assistant and a big green sleeping bag. My dog never had been keen on men until he got to know them. The vet was a big man, he just hovered above my sam, my sam was woofing uncontrollably with fear. It broke my heart,if only the vet had got down to his level and calmed him. He asked if he should be Muzzled, i said no, i knelt at my dogs side with my arms round him, sobbing, all i kept saying was im sorry sam i love you. The vet had trouble finding a vein, it hurt my sam, he struggled and growled. Then slowly slipped away. I will never forget you sam. Please forgive me.I hope there is a doggy heaven

Comments for my sam

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Mar 12, 2015
Feel the same
by: Bec

I understand your pain. Every bit of it. Your experience was almost identical to mine. had my angel put to sleep a month ago tomorrow. It was the hardest thing I've ever done. I'm also ridden with guilt and miss him like nothing else I have ever loved. Not sure how I will ever get over him. They say it gets better. But to me has taken a big piece of my heart with him.
All I can do is ask the Angels above to look after him.

Jun 22, 2014
i know exactly how youre feeling
by: megan

Im so sorry for your loss, i had my Holly put to sleep on Friday, she also was thirteen and i had had her since she was eight weeks old. im heartbroken, i knew she was on borrowed time and i had been getting her checked by the vet since christmas, and up until the last week she wasnt suffering or in any distress, she was happy pottering around, playing with her toys and enjoying being in the garden.
i could not face taking her into the vets, so my husband took her in, i sat outside sobbing in the car, having spent the previous hour telling her how sorry i was and how much she meant to me. she was the dearest little dog who loved everyone.
Im so sorry to hear about your Sam, we bring these little souls into our lives and they become our family, they love us unconditionally and ask little in return.when does the pain go away? when will we be able to think of them without bursting into tears? i know by your words how much you loved your Sam, and i feel for you and share your pain, so if it helps to know others are going through the same, then im sending you a hug, take care xxxx

Jun 19, 2014
I Hope You Find Peace Again!
by: Susie

My husband and I had a golden mix named Rachael. We have been married 22 years and shared 15 of them with her.
We don't have kids. We had to make the very hard decision to put her down a couple of days ago.
We also had our vet come to our home and she perked up when they arrived. I was surprised at how alert she was.
They explained that was very common because endorphins get pumping when things are happening they don't understand. Maybe Sam just got over stimulated. Our dog had bad veins too. They had to switch legs. Sad to see.
It sounds like your vet screwed up and didn't handle it well. I am profoundly sorry about that! I hope you can hear me when I say the important thing is that YOU were there with your loving arms and soft voice to end his suffering. Humans
take a huge risk when they open their hearts to an animal that has a shorter life span than we do! I hope both of us will do just that because now we know how special it is. Maybe our doggies are playing together in heaven right now.

Jun 09, 2014
doreen u k
by: Anonymous

Thank you so much for your comments and sympathy, you must be a very compassionate person to respond when you are going through your own grief. I do feel for you. A similar thing happened to my sisters husband as your husband did. There was no one present authorized to give him the relief he needed, the nurse would not give the drugs he needed to give him a peaceful end.He was in pain and could not breath, he died with fear and panic on his face. Very traumatic end, 3 years on my sister still cannot get the images out of her mind. The system often fails people badly. I do hope you find some peace of mind. I will pray that you do.God Bless.

Jun 04, 2014
my sam
by: Doreen UK

I am so sorry for your loss of SAM. You did nothing wrong in having him put to sleep. This was a brave and humane decision to put him out of his suffering. You need to know that to give up what you loved so Sam did not suffer was an act of Love and compassion.
My husband suffered severe cancer pain and did not get the care he deserved due to lack of funding/resources. Many a Good Doctor was furious and angry at such lack of care denying a dying man an injection for pain. Every doctor I talked to was incensed at the lack of compassion. I had to wait 3hrs. for the medical staff to finish their clinic before a nurse could come and administer that injection. I have so many horror stories of my 3yrs. cancer journey with my husband. If He was a dog he would be put to sleep. So don't beat yourself up with guilt. The humane thing to do would be for a doctor to RUSH and give my husband morphine for the pain. They took their time. I had to beg for what we needed. I felt worn out.
You had a Vet that was not supportive or caring to the point of leaving you holding on waiting for Sam to be put to sleep. This was cruel. Sam is not suffering now.
I have had pets and lost them. IT HURTS. Losing my husband HURTS.
My sister has a Westie Dog and he is dying of cancer now and she is hurting for when the day comes she has to put him down. She has a good vet who told her she can prolong his life with treatment. But the vet says it would make him suffer more. It is not worth holding on to one's dog for even an extra day. Better our loved one's are out of suffering. This is what our FOCUS should be. I know it hurts. I hope you find Comfort and Peace knowing you made the right decision. I cried when I read your story. I felt your pain so deep. I am sorry for your loss.

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