my shattered life

My life fell apart in a year. I lost both my husband and son within 6 months of each other. My husband of 37 years, who was my high school sweetheart, passed away on April 22, 2012 of cancer. He was 55 years old. My son left his job, wife, and 2 sons to come back home to help me care for his dad at our home, as I had promised him I would bring him home to die. My son never left his dad's side for the 2 weeks before he passed. He showed so much compassion and love to his dad and me. When he returned home with his family after the funeral of his dad, I was so lonely. I had been with my husband since we both were 17 years old. I felt like part of me had died with him. my son was so worried about me, and felt guilty for having to leave me, with him and his family living 5 hours away. I tried to reassure him I would be fine; although he knew better. I made a trip to my son and his family's home once a month after my husband left me. unless my son made a trip home. On November 6, 2012 I had a close friend knock on my door at 10:30 p.m. giving my the news that my son had suffered a fatal heart attack. he had been at home after a day at work, playing with his sons (a nightly ritual), when he started having chest pain. His wife rushed him to the E.R., and he was pronounced dead an hour later. He was a picture of health, a federal law enforcement officer. No parent should have to bury a child. He was 33 years old, but to me he was still that baby that I had loved so much and tried to protect, even though he had become my protector. The pain never eases. I will never heal. I feel so bad for his wife and 2 sons. They miss him as much as I do. His wife and sons have moved to the town I live in and my son and husband are buried side by side. I visit them daily. My life will never be the same.

Comments for my shattered life

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Dec 11, 2013
I really can feel your pain
by: Anonymous

I really can feel your pain. It is hard. It is devastating. I lost my 37 years old son to suicide in July 2011. He committed suicide because of his wife. She drove him to deep depression. Since his death the pain is there. Right in my heart. It is killing me. The guilt, the regret that I did not save him. The guilt that I didn't listen to him. I am asking myself and praying God to die anytime. The sooner the better. I have been seeing psychologists and therapists for one year an half but nothing changed. I went to the groups and talked to the group that lost the member of their family. It did not help me. I was taking depression pills for 2 years. Not helped me. You lost 2 persons. It is even harder. My heart goes to you. But believe me you will see them. If you think they are alive and together maybe it helps you to deal with this just a little better. Tell yourself my husband and my son are together happy and one day I will join them. I am still crying at least few times a day for my son. I am still in deep depression. So I can easily understand your feelings, your emotions, your moods. I live in Vancouver Canada. I wish I could see you and we could talk to each other. Pray to God may help you. The pain is so much that we will take this pain to our grave. But think of the day that we will join them and once again everything will be the same. I am very sorry for your pain my friend. God bless you and help you.

Your friend

Nov 21, 2013
by: Karen

I am so sorry for your loss. I can not imagine how you must feel. My heart hurts for you. I will keep you in my prayers for God to help you with your grief.

Nov 05, 2013
Your grief
by: Kate

You have an overload of grief! I have lost my husband and my son too but not so close together. My husband was the love of my life,23 years married and my son was 39, my friend,son, my love and protector after my husband died. I understand your grief ! They were so close together.for me,three weeks after my son died my closest sister died. This is so hard on us,
How do we go on!? I don't have the strength to do it. God has had to help me,I can't. I still cry,this month it will be a year. I do not know how we pick up the shattered pieces and go on but we do. I'm glad your sons family is close to you now,it has to be so difficult for the children too ,you need each other. On here we understand and care. No one can help us through it but our own self because we all have our own pain and sorrow but you have support. One day at a time is all we can heart goes out you.

Nov 05, 2013
my shattered life
by: Doreen UK

I am so very sorry for your loss of your husband of 37yrs. and your son of 33yrs. of age. You have lost a very significant part of your life. They were your whole world and life and now the emptiness and loneliness will feel as if it is magnified. Your son was so loving and supportive to you and now you have lost this support. I am glad your daughter-in-law and grandchildren have moved closer to you and I hope you can forge a close relationship that can start to heal some of those wounds.
Nothing will ever take the place of what you have lost but filling your life now with your son's wife and grandchildren will go some way to comforting you.
I lost my husband of 44yrs. 18 months ago today of a deadly cancer. I nursed him through a horrendous cancer for over 3yrs. The pattern of daily living has changed the very atmosphere of life that even when I do attempt to move forward it at times feels unreal. It feels almost as if an explosion has taken place in my life and all these pieces are floating around me and I can't catch them to put them together again. This is what grief feels like to me. I feel my loss more now than I did at the beginning. I must have been numb. The full reality of my loss, I feel now. I take one day at a time and this helps me get through my day. Having 2 grandchildren brings joy into my life when I think of them and when they visit. I just feel sad that my husband misses out on this part of life. I have a strong Faith in God and this carries me through each day. I thank God for giving me this man who was my husband. A most amazing person who made the world a better place. He was my world, my everything. I miss him and always will. May God comfort you in your loss and give you His Peace.

Nov 04, 2013
shattered life
by: Anonymous--MI

Please know that all of us on this site are very sorry for your loss. Truly, you have been given more of a burden than anyone should have to bear. I want to say that my husband of 43 yrs died Nov 18,2012 of SCA---no time to say goodbye---suddenly he was gone from me and my grown children and our family. It has been almost 1 yr since he died and I must tell you that I am still in so much pain and grief. At first we are in total shock and then all the emotions hit us one by one or many all at once. Each day is a grieving process; it washes over us and we begin to know just how major our loss is. I must tell you what has brought me through this past year is my faith and trust in God. Oh, yes I have many questions and I have been angry with God for taking my husband from me--he was only 65 yrs old. we had many wonderful years planned. But, that was taken from us and I am alone. What I have to do now is keep my focus on Jesus Christ--who suffered and died for all of us so that we may one day be in heaven with Him and our loved ones. God is my only hope to ever see my husband again and I believe that with all my heart. But, I have to finish my time on this earth and when God calls me to heaven the joy will be more glorious than I could ever imagine. You must go to God every day and night and in the minutes in between. while the grief and pain remains what we have is HOPE for our eternal life and to be reunited with our husbands, wives, sons, daughters, moms, dads, and all our dear loved ones who have left us. I wish you God's blessing of comfort and a balm for your wounded heart. I know, in part, how you feel

Nov 04, 2013
by: Anonymous

I thought my story of loss of my son was the worst. I am so sorry what happened to us is so unbearable and heartbroken around us. We cant give up, no matter how hard our life is coming, you have two beautiful grandsons to love. there must purpose to us stay alive and live strong for other. Keep yr faith, We will see our
love one I lost my 19 yrs old son five months ago. I am still living for whatever purpose God wants me to do in this temporary place. Just hang on His promises that no more tear, no more death in Heaven, just look forward for that day.

Nov 04, 2013
My Shattered Life
by: Judith in California

Dear Shattered, I'm so sorry for the loss of your husband and your son. What a horrible blow.

You may feel your life is shattered but as time goes on you will begin to heal and rebuild a different life. You will have a new normal hopefully one that will be centered around your daughter - in- law and your grandchildren. I hope you will see your son through them and feel him close by. You have much to tell them of their father who was so unselfish and compassionate and took care of his Dad. You will have the opportunity to instill in them those values you gave your son.

We who have lost our husbands and children never get over our loss but we ,somehow, one day at a time, learn to cope each day.
Keep God close by and talk to him often. I pray you will find strength, peace and acceptance soon.

Nov 04, 2013
My shattered life
by: Pat J.Green Bay,WI

I can only imagine your heartache. I am so sorry for the loss of both your husband and son.
My husband of 46 years died from a massive heart attack on June 27,2011. Our wedding anniversary was June 26th. I felt as you feel and still do, that a part of me died with him. We walk in a fog.
It is good for both you and your daughter-in-law that she and her sons moved close to you. You can support each other. You truly understand each others grief; only yours is twice-fold.
I hope you are able to get some type of grief support. The grief can over-whelm us.
Our life is forever changed; we are changed. We never truly get over the loss; we slowly learn how to go on without them.
My husband was in my life since I was 15 and I wanted to die too; but our 5 adult children kept reminding me how much they and the grandchildren needed me and that their dad would want me to go on living. This isn't an easy journey to go on without them; but for me, my loving God has often carried me in my grief. This is going to be my third Thanksgiving and third Christmas without him. My heart still aches at that thought.
Be patient and do things you enjoy. I kept a journal and often wrote to my husband. My way of talking to him. I soon started to tell him Good Night and I love you, out loud, before going to bed and He is still the first one I talk to when I wake up.
My thoughts and prayers go out to you.

Nov 04, 2013
I am so sorry
by: Anonymous

I am so sorry to read about your losses. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts. I hope you will be able to find some comfort here, and can begin to heal. Peace, Barb

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