My shining star shines on - Impossible

by Jane Atkinson
(Northampton)

I lost my only child Tosh to cancer, on January 24th 2014, he had a two year battle with Osteosarcoma. Almost three months on and the pain is still so raw. At best I know that I will take grief to my grave but I will live with pride every day. At worst I see no meaning in life and struggle to deal with well meaning people that just can't say the right thing or even worse say nothing at all.I knew since April 2013 that my son was going to lose his battle but me and his father decided not to tell him, he lived every day with hope and plans for the future. The strain was incredible, there was never a moment that we could let our guard down, if he had known he would have given up completely. He lived with me and his stepdad, the strain got too much and his stepdad left us without a word in August 2013, he denied me all contact and I had to cope alone, there was some good that came from his step dad leaving, I was able to give everything I had to my beautiful boy in his last few months. During his illness he graduated with a degree in Law and started studying for a Legal Practice Certificate, the next stage in his career plan to become a solicitor. We had such a special bond and packed so much into those 23 short years, my life will forever be filled with so many happy memories. I have days when I can't get out of bed but eventually I pull myself together knowing that he will be looking down on me and be upset to see me down. I owe it to him to carry on.We had a saying "Impossible", this came from when he was young, I would say " I love you", he would say " I love you more" and this would go back and forth until one of us said "Impossible" - as he got older if we ever fell out or wanted to privately say "I love you", we would just say " Impossible" - that's mine to keep for ever.

Comments for My shining star shines on - Impossible

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May 18, 2014
Impossible
by: Seana

Hi Jane,
I hear you and I understand a lot of what you are feeling. You are not alone. If I can ever help you, please email me at sskysun4@aol.com. I live close to you and would be happy to be a friend who does know some of the right stuff to say. Not all, but maybe a little comfort could bring you some kind of peace...if you want to read skysun in this same category. That is me. Its a whole new life that we are forced to live, and it is so hard and so confusing and sad. It just is. Be strong....

Apr 20, 2014
Your son
by: Kate

Oh my heart goes out to you and the person who commented about a stray bullet as well, no one else has as yet posted...I'm so so sorry for both of you to know this pain! I lost my wonderful son too and my heart is broken inside, I go on with holy help because on my own I can't do it. We all cry together on here. Hurting with you all.

Apr 19, 2014
my son my hero
by: Anonymous

my son was killed last December,2013 by a stray bullet,as he walked home,he was the best child a mother could ever ask for,i watch him as he took his last breath,snd my life will never be the same the pain is so great,but god promises never to leave us,so even though I grieve I do it with the hope of seeing my son again one day.

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