My Shining Star
I lost my mom May 2, 2013 from stage 4 triple negative breast cancer, which means it was the worse type. She was only 50 and I'm 19. I feel like my life has turned into a whirlwind of guilt, resentment, heartbreak, and wanting to die. Me and my Dad never had the best relationship, so me and my Mom were tight. She recieved breast cancer for the first time when I was 8. She got her left breast removed and recieved radiation and chemo for 1 year after and things were looking great for about 8 years until she recieved it again in her right breast.This time I was older and saw more of what she was really going thru. My mom was always good at hiding pain, but this time she was tired. They removed her right breast, went through the same process again, but this time it came back the next year, but was in her lung and nodes. I went through a deep depression my senior year of highschool, skipping school, doing drugs, I was trying to numb this feeling of "is she going to die?" She always told me that she was going to fight, but towards the end of my first year in college it turned into "you have to be there for your brother when I leave" I was in denial, I just knew she would get thru it. Even after her last hospital visit when they said it had spread to her brain, I just knew she was going to be ok. I feel like in her last weeks I was to busy trying to make her sickness just go away I didn't get to thank her for the amazing years she gave me, the love, the help. I keep asking Why me? One minute she was talking the next she had a stroke due to massive bleeding from the tumor in her brain. It spread so fast. I'm so hurt and angry. Idk what to do?