My Sister, but so much more than just that...

by Esmerelda
(South Africa)

I am the youngest of 3 kids, my oldest sister was 8 years my senior, she was the one who teached me everything in life, we were very close and shared everything. She was biopolar, in 2009 she got divorced and after meeting a guy got married again, after the divorce she just freaked out, I didn't now my sister anymore, she had horrible moodswings and devastating sadness in her eyes. It felt like I allready lost her, in January 2011 she and het two boys (7 and 5) went to visit my mother, she and her new husband had a fight, and she went into one of her manic stages again. She and my mother also had words and she ran out of the house, 3 houses down a car hit her, she did instantley.... I was the first one my father phoned, my mother didn't even know yet. I drove there, but cannot even remember how I got there, we were not allowed to tell her boys - orders from her ex husband - it was the most horrible time of my life sitting there, looking into their eyes, knowing that she will never come back again, and not being able to comfort them, a week before her death the 3 of them came with me and my husband on holiday, and it was the so special. Her ex husband didn't even let them go to her memorial, and till this day (18 months) I have not seen them. Its heartbreaking, I have tried everything.... My heart is broken, and it feels like I have no one to talk to, I still have my other sister, and we are there for each other, but we don't share the same bond me and my oldest sister shared.... I miss her and the boys so much!

Comments for My Sister, but so much more than just that...

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Jul 11, 2012
My Sister, but so much more than just that....
by: Doreen U.K.

Esmerelda I am sorry for your loss of your sister. What a sudden tragic accident. Always worse when it happens so suddenly after an argument. The guilt will be great for those who argued with your sister before she died. Grieving is a very lonely place to be. it is something we do all by ourselves. It is private. Other members of the family may only come together for a brief moment and share. Share the grief with the memories. We all grieve differently, at different times, different ways. With different memories. Strange things happen after a funeral. People separate and go their own ways and it becomes a lonlier place for those left behind. People separate full stop. Dysfunction will show up at this time. It is sad that you cannot see your nephews. It has been a long time. You all will become strangers if you don't maintain contact. Your nephews will lose a part of their history. Keep trying. See if you can write to your nephews and keep in contact and sharing will help them to retain in their young minds the family History. Otherwise it will be lost. They will develop a new history and you all will become strangers.
I hope that you are able to be supported and in a much better place with your grief and feel less alone.

Jul 10, 2012
Sharing your feelings
by: Carol

I know what you're feeling. I had five older sisters and they are all now gone. I was closest to the two that were closest in age to me--one was 2 1/2 years older and the other was 6 1/2 years older. My closest sister was my soul mate and I was devastated after her death in 2003. She was 69 years young. Since that time all the other sisters have passed and two brothers. The sister I was close to for many years also had bi-polar/ scizophrenia. She just passed away last month and I'm lost--all by myself. My husband passed away on Feb. 15,2005. Too many losses but I guess time will make things better. Sisters share something that you can't explain--it's just there--they are part of you. I feel for you because of your nephews. In a sense you have a loss in them by not seeing them. I also have a loss in my children who don't have much compassion for me. One day at a time and we'll get through this. My best wishes to you.

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