My Sister Committed Suicide on Sept. 25th 2011

by Sandy
(Houston, TX)


My sister was five years older than me. She got married very young and had three children with her husband of 17 years. About three years ago she seemed to change. She got into running marathons and became super fit. She left her husband and met a new guy who enjoyed the same things she did. She seemed to be as happy as she had ever been. They got married September 24th and I could not fly to NY to be there because my son was due on the 27th. The wedding was beautiful from all accounts. That night they stayed in the hotel and had a fight. Her husband says it was about nothing and that he thought it was over because she left but then returned and covered him up with a blanket. The next morning they returned to their house to get ready for their honeymoon and he says she took a gun and left. After several hours he called the police. They traced her by using the GPS in her car. She had driven an hour away, checked into a hotel and shot herself. She left a note that said," I am sorry I let everyone down. Maybe I am crazy."

It was a shock and then I had my son two days later so I pushed the pain away to be able to take care of him. I have noticed that I cry very easy now. I was watching the news at work last Friday and saw the Sandy Hook shooting and I have not been able to stop crying. I do have a daughter in 1st grade so it does hit close to home but I feel like I am really just now allowing myself to grieve for her. I feel so guilty, that I was not there to help her. How could I have not known that she was in such pain? I feel that I let her down.

Sandy

Comments for My Sister Committed Suicide on Sept. 25th 2011

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Dec 22, 2012
My Sister Committed Suicide on Sept.25th 2011
by: Doreen U.K.

Sandy I am sorry for your loss of your beloved sister to a sudden death. You were in a difficult situation. Pregnant. Ready to give birth. It is only natural you were preocupied with your own urgent needs. The timing was not on your side. Your sister was in turmoil from her own life. Leaving a husband. Getting married soon to someone else perhaps? on the rebound. Your sister did not have time to process her thoughts and feelings. She felt she had made a mess of her life and so saw no way out but to end her life. She probably did not want to draw anyone else into her crumbling world and so acted with haste and urgency to end her pain. People in such pain SELDOM reach out to others. They have pretty much made up their own mind that Life would be better if they were not here. This is a typical mindset of one who is SUICIDAL. There is nothing you could have done. Guilt is only a part of natural Grief. Make sure that your guilt soon goes otherwise you may need to see a grief counsellor for support. To actually see a grief counsellor at this time would be a good idea. Especially in the case of a loss by Suicide. You have just had a baby and your hormones will dictate how you feel. The Sandy Hook massacre will act as a trigger for your Grief and Sorrow, which is delayed. You will also have to process the fact that if you are nursing your baby you could transfer what you are feeling to your baby and cause you more problems. Get Support Now. Support with your grief is what you need from a death of a sibling to Suicide and also for your own anguish at losing your sister. I lost my nephew to Suicide 5 years ago. he was 30yrs. He threw himself in front of an express train. My sister was MAD WITH GRIEF. She was supported well by a counsellor and is HEALING Well from her loss. She will be scarred forever losing a Child to Suicide. I hope that you will get the support you need and that Life will get better for you in the days ahead. Motherhood is so special and Great. I hope you enjoy this and that Life will treat you well. May you be Comforted in your Grief and Sorrow.

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