My sister is the 1 person that I love the most and can't live without

by Orko
(India)


My sister is 28.she is probably the prettiest girl you would ever meet.She is so loving and so kind.she would always give away al her money to the poor,and always go out of her way to help those in need.she loves my dad and me like crazy and loves shopping,albeit on my money coz she has hardly any of her salary ever left.
We are only two siblings and she is five years elder to me. Since both our parents had long working hours it was just each other we had all through childhood.she was almost a mother to me too,making me lunch,singing me to sleep,counselling me through teenage,playing silly childhood games with me.She is my angel.And as we grew up I became the elder brother and she my baby sister in a way.She got married when she was 22 to a guy none of us liked much after seven years of dating. Right from day one she was unhappy with him.He is the abusive kind that is also image conscious and portrays a whole different personality inside and out of the house.The only times that she was happy in the last six years were when she would be with me and dad.
Two weeks back my sister called me and dad and her bestie telling us that she was packing and meant to leave him for good.She would be applying for a transfer at her job(she was a professor) and move in wid me for a while.Next thing we get a call from the police informing us that she has hanged herself.
I am so sure he strangled her.after primary investigation the police seem to be of that opinion too, but it is hard coming up with conclusive evidence.We are fighting,against this man and against our grief.
I think of her every moment.
She is my angel and I would be dead by now were it not out of concern for my parents.We used to talk for hours on the phone.Now i can't get myself to talk to anyone on the phone,not even my girlfriend. I just don't know how to go on anymore.

Comments for My sister is the 1 person that I love the most and can't live without

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Sep 27, 2014
Your sister
by: Kate

I thought of you and your beautiful sister again and thought I would write. She was so lovely. How are your parents .? It so so hard as a parent! I am nearing two years in Nov. And I am still crying my tears. It is not as severe as before but I am still in heart pain. I think it lasts forever until we go too. I know you were close to her and the shock is something so hard to accept. I know grief is hard to endure. I pray all of you are healing even if only a little. Thinking of you still . Kate

Dec 19, 2013
Kate...
by:

Hi Kate,
I find myself coming back to this page often...and everytime I think about you and how you have been coping. I see my parents and know it has to have been so very difficult and excruciating. And yes, I have learnt to be functional too, though not the same.It never will be the same but we have to keep fighting I guess. My grief is now just a part of me as I am sure yours is a part of you. We need to keep learning and relearning to live with it one day at a time till it becomes a reflex.
It is kind and strong people like you that give me much of my strength.
Thank you...

Dec 13, 2013
Your sister
by: Kate

I was thinking of you and your beautiful sister ,she was so extremely beautiful and I have gone through a whole year missing my sweet son, having some days with tears and some not. We learn to go on,not the same but onward. My thoughts are there for you still.

Dec 13, 2013
Your sister
by: Kate

I was thinking of you and your beautiful sister ,she was so extremely beautiful and I have gone through a whole year missing my sweet son, having some days with tears and some not. We learn to go on,not the same but onward. My thoughts are there for you still.

Apr 24, 2013
ORKO
by: KATE

I am still struggling. I cry and and wonder how to go on. I was glad you wrote again,I wondered about all of you. I understand as a parent the heavy toll grief takes on us. My other children take turns crying over their brother too. My husband died 19 years ago so my other son really misses his older brother,now there is no male image. He is now it. I have 3 daughters who loved both brothers so greatly and I understand you about how it all changes. We learn to accept it as time goes on but never like it or stop missing their wonderful presence. Your girlfriend is patient and must care for you very much and that is good, I wish you healing and comfort. For all of you.

Apr 22, 2013
Thank you
by: Orko

Hi Kate. Its so kind of you to remember us and our grief amidst all of your own. I am still struggling a lot with daily life. I have a very demanding job which i have finally returned to and it helps me stay busy during the day. The nights are miserable still though i cry less often now. I dont feel the same. I feel tired and most of all very scared about losing my parents. My parents had me late in their marriage and both of them seem so old and frail these days. The grief is taking a heavy toll on their health and i am so scared. I hope they will get better. We were such a happy family you know, mom, dad, di and me. Its such a shock how things go from perfect to miserable in a matter of minutes. I feel really old now, like i am not 23 anymore, like i dnt have much to look forward to, my best days are behind me. My girlfriend tries to be there for me but the poor thing is having a hard time adjusting to the new me. Still, chugging along i guess. Would love to hear more from you, about how you are doing. And thank you for being so so kind. Take care.

Apr 16, 2013
my name
by: kate

i accidentally signed 'te' instead of kate below

Apr 15, 2013
Your sister
by: te

I was just thinking of you and your beautiful sister. I am wondering how you are doing and your parents. As for me,5 months later I am still in heart pain.Death is so hard.
It is hard on all. Of us. I am thinking of you still. your story touched me ,the love you two had was so nice. It not easy.
Sending care to you there.

Feb 23, 2013
Thanks Kate
by: Orko

Things seem to be getting a bit easier. I still wish I were with her, that I could go away to where she is but I have started to realize that I can't, at least as long as I have my parents to look after.They are shattered and I am the only 1 that they have. Seeing my parents I know what you must be going through. Its just memories that we have, to help us sustain. I remember, when we were very young her room was off limits to me.:) But when she would not be looking i'd quietly slip in an mess with her stuff. She'd come back and get pissed. I'd get on her bed, crawl to a corner and say, see I'm taking so little space, lemme stay pplz! She'd laugh, get on the bed, pull me into her lap and while she would study i would invariably fall asleep with my head in her lap. I have bugged her all my life, broken her dolls, ruined her stuff and she has loved me through all of that. The best sister in the world i had, and the best sister in the world I am having to make do without.

Feb 16, 2013
Your sister
by: Kate

Your sister,so beautiful! I can feel your love for her as you write. It is such a sad story that she should go through so much and then to have her life end. My son who was 39 died 3 months ago and the pain so so hard,death so hard to accept. My closest sister died 3 weeks after my son. I have a lot of grief as I'm sure you do. This is a good place to come write because we are all feeling so lost without our loved ones. Take one day at a time,it is all we can do. I pray God will help us all to endure this heartache. We are in this sorrow journey together. Thinking of you in divine love ,that it will come to surround you.

Dec 10, 2012
your grief
by: Anonymous

Dear Orko,
my heart goes out to you.I lost my sister,my only sibling,who though only 15 month older than me,was somewhat like a mother:someone I sought advice,encourangement from. Like the relationship between the two of you-our parents were busy,so we were raising one another.She died suddenly with in one week time through a cancer that spread aggressively. Possibly it was there for a while and she denied it.When I flew from US back home-she was already in a hospital,on arespirator.I got to talk to her for the first two days,but then her condition deteriorated.I held her in my arms all 7 days,till her last breath. and was thankful for that.But now 3 month later the pain is so acute ,my desire to sleep and retreat -enormous.If it were not for my two kids I love-i would not see a reason to continue to plow.
But I know that in this club-we need to to go on .
I wish I could lend you my litening ear and put my arms around you,a brother in sufferring.
Vey few are as lucky as you and I to love a sibling with such fierce love.
And I know that I have to be strong and take care of all the reality stuff left behind-but

Dec 09, 2012
My sister is the 1 person that I love the most and can't live without
by: Doreen U.K.

Orka most of us on this website feel the same way as you. We don't want to live, we don't want to go on in life. I lost my husband of 44yrs. to cancer 7 months ago and I am still very upset and don't want to live anymore. My husband was a very special man. He deserved some special time to retire since he worked so hard for his family for over 47yrs. Life is not fair. I hate the weekends my husband died on Saturday night close to Sunday morning and Friday was the funeral. This makes every weekend so very difficult to live through. Life has no meaning now. I don't know when any of us will feel better. It is going to take a long long time. Family is important. Often you can have a different bond with a sister or brother that is different from the one we have with our parents or husband or wife. This is what makes grief so very painful. Life gets so comfortable and we never know when this will change and when we will lose another loved one. Let us cherish the ones we have left so that we can enjoy moments that we may never get back. I have 4 sisters. One in Canada I never hear from and 1 in Australia and we talk on Skype a lot. The two sisters here in England are so supportive since I lost my husband and I don't know what I would do if I did not have their care in my life. My heart does go out to all those who are alone and have no one. I wish I could be there in person for each of you. Often we do need personal contact in physical form to help take away that ALONENESS we feel when we have lost a loved one. Orka believe that these rough days won't last. Life has to get better for each of us otherwise our grief would kill us. The Pain is unbearable. Don't take your own life. This is not the answer. your parents will be heartbroken to lose you also. They don't deserve this. They must have struggled to bring you up just try and comfort each other. Try and get closer to your parents and things will change for the better. I wish you well in life. Be Happy Again, you deserve this.

Dec 09, 2012
Thank you Doreen
by: Orko

Thank you for your kind words Doreen. Yes, it should be pretty straightforward distinguishing suicide and murder from strangulation.But the justice system seems all screwed up.This guy knows some pretty powerful people and has been pulling many strings.We were informed late, and initially the police seemed so eager to dismiss the case as a suicide that they did not even mandate a post-Morten and messed up the crime scene. They weren't even ready to take an FIR when we tried to file for a complaint, but we did not relent and finally its being dealt with honestly. The charge sheet that has been filed is for murder and he is in non-bailable jail-custody. I can never have my Di back but she should at least have the justice that is her due.

Dec 08, 2012
My sister is the 1 person that I love the most and can't live without.
by: Doreen U.K.

Orko I am sorry for your loss of your elder sister. You are now all alone without a sister and this is such a tragic death. I don't know how you are going to go on in your young life without your sister. It is so careless to not value life and preserve this. How could the police not ascertain the type of death and see that this is recorded for the court case. It will be a travesty of justice if this verdict is not accepted and dealt with in the correct way. Strangulation and death by hanging should be relativiely easy for the experts to ascertain.
I hope that you will get all the support you need and all the answers you need for a positive verdict. I also hope that you will be able to go in life and live the life you were meant to have and honour your sister in the best way you can.

Dec 08, 2012
me again
by: Orko

These damned sleeping pills are no good and I havent slept normally since that day.it was the 20th of Nov and its like it was just yesterday.We had spent the whole of the week before that together.She was to leave on the 18th and we stayed up the whole of the night talking and laughing.we planned a vacation for January and she was so excited.She used to get all excited and super-happy about the smallest of things.Like she got me this book by Frederick Forsyth and when she was leaving on the 18th,she told me, do read it and to get her more of his books.We used to exchange books all the time coz we both loved reading.I cant get myself to start reading the book she left me, but i do take it to bed with me every night. Some people don't even understand what losing ur sister can be like.Some people expect you to be done with your grieving, and think about your future and go back to work. No one seems to care about the fact that I dont want a future without her.I love my parents so much but I dont know why I cant find any comfort in them.I realize that their grief is probably even more unbearable than mine and that I should be strong for their sake.But at times I find myself wishing that all three of us could go away to that so called better place where my sister is now. She is probably missing me as much as I am missing her. I wish I had another sibling in whose care I could leave my parents and go away to where she is. I love her so so much, every breath I take makes me dread the next one. I pray no one has to ever go through what I am going through now, and I pray to God, if he would care to listen to another insignificant human being's prayers that he take me,dad and mom to my sister as soon as he can,for all my life i have lived thinking that if you are good to others you God will listen to you and help you when you need him.Oh God please!

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