My sister, my best friend, my rock

by Teresa
(ohio)

My sister Connie was in a motorcycle accident on July 4...suffered severe brain trauma, she had part of her brain removed to accomodate swelling, but her brain was too damaged to recover and on August 1, she died.

Our mother died when I was 9 and she was 7...and our father was an alcoholic who died later when I was 22 and Connie was 20. I moved around alot in my 20s but after my 1st niece was born, I realized I wanted to be home and be an aunt - and from that point on Connie truly became my best friend - more than my sister - someone I realized I truly respected, loved, needed, and was proud and glad to be related to.

After her accident, I became her POA, and stayed out of work in order to be at her side every day, handle the legal part of becoming her guardian, talk with all the doctors, relate all the daily news to hundreds of friends and family. It was an incredibly crazy situation - her boyfriend, who was driving the motorcycle (while intoxicated), was always around, as well as his family members- and I tried desperately to behave with respect and understanding - trying not to hate him, trying not to let myself get poisoned with hate, trying to take care of her and keep her safe...and I lost her.

It's November now. Finally, the grand jury will be meeting on this case and the sargeant on the case fears there may not be enough to indict the driver because there were no witnesses to the accident....and the driver lied....stating he didn't remember if he was driving...which was a lie.

I have no idea how to feel or behave. It all keeps going and going and going. I want my past back. I want my sister back. I miss her desperately. Her 2 daughters miss her...my daughter misses her...everyone misses her. I feel stuck in this missing her and can't let go of it. Why do I have to let go? Why can't I hold on forever?

I just don't know. So much sadness.