My Sister, My Best Friend

by Cathy Wochna
(Culleoka, Tn, U.S.)

Three weeks ago, my sister 48 years old, my six year old twins and I went to the YMCA to go swimming. We had a blast. The following week, my sister started having pains in her right side so I took her to the doctor, two weeks ago, on Wednesday. They took her blood and found she had high cholesterol and told her to take fish oil to help bring it down.

She was also taking a lot of medication for Bi Polar. I kept complaining to her that her doctor was over medicating her and that she was going to go the way Whitney Houston did. She would cry and say, "I know".

On Thursday, I got a call from the doctors office informing me that my sister's cholesterol was higher than they thought so there's a prescription waiting for me to pick up for her.
I took it to her apartment. My sister still wasn't feeling well so I suggested she come to my house; she just said that she'd rather lie on her couch and cry.

On Friday, I called my sister on three separate times but got no answer. I figured her boyfriend was there and that she would call me back. Deep down though I was worried so I told my mom that I'm gonna call her the next day and if I get no answer than I'm going to driver to her apartment to check up on her.

On Saturday, My husband, twins and I went to my sisters apartment. She wouldn't answer her door. I went and got the maintenance man to open her door. I saw her laying on the couch but not responding to me yelling for her. The maintenance man busted off the chain lock. I ran to my sister begging her to wake up; I grabbed her arms and shook her, crying hysterically, begging her to please wake up. I noticed there were pools of blood all over her chest and legs and that her eyes were sunken inward. Her arms were stiff against her stomach. I ran outside and begged my husband to please go wake her up. The maintenance man looked at him and shook his head then looked down. My husband hugged me then called 911.

In what seemed to take forever, they medical people showed up, went into the apartment only for a few moments then came out. At that point, I realized my baby sister was gone. It's been two weeks now since that day and I still feel like I have a broken heart. Not only was she my sister, but she was my best friend.

He, then, called 911

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Feb 18, 2014
1year 8 months have passed...
by: C Wochna

And I still see things of hers that remind me of her or drive by her apartment and think about my little sister but now, I try hard to focus on the good times we had and tell myself to "stop" when I start focusing on her lifeless body on the couch.

Her birthday was a day after my daughters so now that my emotions aren't totally in shock, I plan on taking a flower and placing it at the estuary for her birthday. I just get the feeling it will help me by celebrating her birthday each year even if it's a small way.

Jun 10, 2013
In 20 days, it will be a year since my sister passed away
by: C. Wochna

I look around my house and see a picture of her then I think back to that dreadful day that I found her. It's been almost a year now since she departed. I keep telling myself to only look back at the good times we had together then move my thoughts quickly back to the present. For the first 6 months after she passed away, I was stuck in a broken record in the past. It was so hard for me to pick up that needle on the record and place it on the next line, but eventually I did and now,
I prepare for those days I know will be hard like holidays, birthdays ect. I'm finally learning to accept that she's not here to talk to anymore, but the one thing I still have is those memories of the fun things we did together like snowmobiling with our family, swimming at the beach or riding the roller coasters at Magic Mountain. When I think about something negative, I tell myself no then try to think of something fun again. It's hard at first but I'm getting better. I still miss you, Sis.

Mar 06, 2013
9 months now~
by: C. Wochna

And I still find myself reaching for my cell phone to call my sister. I've done that twice this past week. Last week, I had a dream with her in it for the first time. She didn't say anything; she was just there. I still miss her a lot. No matter what she did in her past, she was trying hard to do right by herself and others before she passed away.

I still get sad. This is one time where I wish time would hurry up so I can move on and start living my life.

Miss you so much, Sis

Jan 21, 2013
My 50th bday without my sister
by: c. wochna

It's been 6.5 months now since my sister passed away. I still have days where I miss her so much and wish I could call her and tell her how the kids are doing and just chit chat. The pain in my chest isn't as bad as it was but I still feel the sense of loss especially on Jan. 10, 2013 when I turned 50 years old.

For the past 5 years, my sister has gotten me a birthday cake from the grocery store. She was always excited to show me what kind she got me. We used to tease each other... She teased me about being a year old and I teased back by saying she was only 1 wrinkle behind.

One thing for sure, I don't think I'd be this far along in my healing process if it hadn't of been for my wonderful step mom who has stood by my side emotionally and rode out my storm with me.

Love you, Sis

Dec 25, 2012
Merry Christmas
by: C. Wochna

Merry Christmas, Sis.

As I looked up at the tree the past two weeks all I thought about was you and our diseased father and little brother. At times, my heart hurt so bad that I just had to go somewhere and cry. Then my 6 year old twins would catch me and tell me that I still have aunt Susie in my heart. Leave it to little kids.

Merry Christmas, You will forever be in my heart.

Dec 25, 2012
Merry Christmas
by: C. Wochna

Just wanted to let my sister know that I'm thinking about her today and so wish she was here to see my kids having a lot of fun. At dinner, my six year old twin girls told me that they missed Aunt Susie... All I could say is that I miss her too. I didn't want to go into the conversation further or I would have started crying at the dinner table. Hard to believe it's been almost 6 months, and I still miss my sister. She was so young, 48, and I thought for sure we would grow old together.

I love you, Sis

Merry Christmas

Dec 18, 2012
I understand!!
by: Rachel

4 1/2 months ago my sister and also my best friend was suddenly taken from us in a horrible car accident. She herself was bi polar but her meds made her not to sleep. She fell asleep driving. We live in separate states. She was in TN and I in TX. I miss talking to her daily and I cry all the time. We already had to deal with her birthday coming up and she not being around.

I still think to myself that she is with me. Even though I know she isn't. She left behind her children and fiance. We would always talk about spending the holidays this year together. Which I guess makes it harder for me this year.

I know she is always with me but the pain of her not being able to talk to me again hurts so much!!

Dec 08, 2012
Missing my sister during the Holidays
by: C. Wochna

Almost 5 1/2 months since my sister crossed over and I still have days where I just have the blues so bad that it's all I can do to get up, get my twins and two teens off to school and do house work.

I just haven't wanted to accept that she made the decision to give up on herself and life and not to take care of herself well enough so that her liver gave out.

She had such a hard upbringing and young adulthood that I was so hoping our old age life would be so much better.

I will surely miss her on our first Christmas without her.

Love you, Sis!

Nov 22, 2012
Almost 5 months~
by: C. Wochna

In my rush to get the turkey, ham, green beans, casseroles, deserts and everything ready for our Thanksgiving lunch today, something seemed missing. Then I sat down at my pc to check out facebook and noticed a picture of my sister sitting near my monitor. That's when it hit me, again. Faults and all, I miss my sister so much and wish there was a way for me to have helped her before her liver became overwhelmed with fat.

Happy Thanksgiving, Sis

I love you!

Oct 01, 2012
3 months now
by: C. Wochna

I just found out Friday, Sept. 28th, 2012,from the Medical Examiner thatmy sister died of natural causes and fromfatty liver disease. I'm releived that she didn't over dose on medications, die from not being able to afford air conditioning during the southern summer heat or from me talking her into switching her medications because what she was on wasn't working for her bi polar.

It's been three months now and I still miss her a lot. My psychiatrist upped my dosage of anti depressants, but I still find days where I just cry.
I did find a good book,"I wasn't ready to say goodbye," that helped me to understand death better than I had.

I'm glad for this sight; it's a place for me to just write about it.

Aug 15, 2012
by: C. Wochna

Thank you so much for your kind words. I read them daily along with other posts. I have good days and not so good days.
I hope you are having better days, too. I couldn't imagine loosing my husband to that distant shore where my sister went.

Thank you again... you're words mean a lot.

Aug 10, 2012
After a month, My heart still hurts
by: C. Wochna

It's been over a month since my sister passed. I found her dead on her couch. The visions of that day flash before my eyes constantly through out the day and when I close my eyes at night.

I miss her so much. It shouldn't have been her time. She was bi polar and took a lot of meds. Sometimes I wonder if it was my fault because I suggested she get off her two of her Psych medicines that were causing her to hallucinate and to try a different one. Sometimes I think she would still be here if I had taken her to ER rather than to the doctor's office.

She was my only sister, my confidant, my best friend. I constantly told her how much I loved her and how it would break my heart if anything happened to her and begged her to please not take so many medications. She would just tell me that her psychiatrist wants her to take them.

I wish there was a way for adults to intervene when we know something isn't right.

Jul 16, 2012
My Sister, My Best Friend
by: Doreen U.K.

Cathy I am sorry for your loss of your baby sister. You will be brokenhearted for a very long time. We will never get over our loss of someone special in our lives. We just get used to living with this in time. We are left with an empty space inside that can never be filled. WE will go on feeling that emptiness perhaps forever. The pain will just get less.
The fear is always. "Will I forget her?" "Will I survive this loss?" "Will I get my happiness back?" "How do I go on each day without my sister?" This is raw Grief. It lasts a long long time. We have to cry and cry and have sorrow till it eases off. WE are 5 girls and one brother in our family and I couldn't bear to lose my sisters or my brother who is the youngest.
Now that I have lost my husband 2 months ago. It hurts so much. I feel that I am going to lose one of my sisters or even one of my children. Death leaves us vulnerable to loss. We FEAR what we have no CONTROL over. We have to live the best and get what we can out of each day whilst we have the time to do this. Somehow the days seem to be shortened and people are dying quicker than we have ever recollected before. Life is also very fragile with so many different diseases coming up and claiming lives. There are no answers. We don't even know what we are breathing in the atmosphere that is deadly.
My husband cut asbestos. 40 years later he develops the most deadly cancer that destroys not only his life. But the life of us as a family left behind to grieve this loss forever.
We just have to live well. And enjoy each other whilst we can. Living is hard today. But dying seems to take the edge off life, crushing us into something we find hard to recover from. Grief is no doubt a crushing experience. We are squeezed so hard it takes our breath away. panic sets in and we feel that we will never recover. We just do this one day at a time. In the early days of grief where we are now. Every day is difficult. WE rise and we find it hard to get stuck into the day. It feels as if we are doing this with some heavy illness that slows us down. We lose energy. Grief has left me feeling very ill. I can't sleep some nights. Last night was a bad night. I have to sleep in the daytime. otherwise I cannot function. I felt safe and secure having my husband here to protect us. I have lost this now. The home has lost it's soul. The light has gone out of our home and life. I feel the darkness more now. I hope that the days ahead will be better for all of us and that we can recover each day till we find we can cope and we can go on in life.

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