My angel on earth

by Ordinarygirl

It's easy for us to put those who have passed on, especially when they're a loved one, onto a pedestal. Especially when they're your big sister. But my sister truly was an angel on earth and I have no doubt in my mind that she's in heaven now.

She was 13 years older than me and she was married and out of the house - and out of state - when I was just 9 years old. So we weren't super close like sisters are - she was more like a second mother to me.

And I never married or had kids so we didn't have that common connection that sisters do. And I was certain that she was my parents favorite - we even joked about it at a memorial we had for her when we scattered her ashes....and it's okay - I've always felt that way and I don't mind. My sister and my Mom bonded over married life, children, she was their first born - I truly understand why they called her their golden child.

My sister's first pregnancy was a miscarriage - her second gave her a beautiful baby girl with Cerebral Palsy and her third gave her an incredible able bodied baby girl :)

I found out in the last month of my sister's life that her husband blamed her for the CP of their oldest daughter - he told her back when she was first diagnosed that if my sister hadn't gained so much weight they would have known there was a problem earlier and they could have corrected it. My sister gained 40 pounds. 40! I gained that last year and I wasn't pregnant.

My sister spent the next 27 years of her life dedicated to the care of her handicap daughter. They were best friends and did EVERYTHING together. My niece requires 24/7 care and my sister sacrificed everything for her and she would do it again tomorrow and not change a thing.

When she knew she had cancer and that there was no cure for the kind she had - she and I talked about who would take care of her daughter and she said "Whoever gets to will just be the luckiest person ever - they're going to have fun everyday!"

She never once considered her daughter a burden or a challenge. She never once complained about everything she gave up. She didn't even go rollerskating which is something really enjoyed for fear of twisting an ankle and not being able to get her daughter out of her wheelchair and into bed.

Meanwhile the husband that said it was her fault that their daughter was handicap traveled all over the world for work and when he had his mid-life crisis he got himself a motorcycle. The same one that he crashed and totaled while my sister was in her second round of chemo.

There are so many things I'm mad about - there are so many questions I have and so much sadness in my heart. But the one thing I'm sure about is that my sister deserved to be on that pedestal when she was alive and she sure as heck deserves it now that she's in heaven.

I love you and I miss you everyday

RIP Sissy 9/19/59-6/25/12

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