my son alex

we lost our son alex exactly 2 yrs ago today. somehow, thought
i would be healed by now. i am not, but my husband is
not on the same page. alex was 39 when he died of a massive
heart attack. we are in our 60's. our only child. our marriage
is seriously on the rocks. alex was divorced with an only child,
son, when he died. his son was with him for the weekend to
celebrate his birthday. alex died on his son's birthday,
while his son was present-
he was 5. prior to his death, our house had been for sale
and was so for 1.5 yrs. we got a contract that we needed to
take - but not knowing this death would happen. so, moved
across the country - never having wanting to do so if we knew
that alex would die. so - stuck with having to move and now
so far away from our grandchild. just horrid.we are both
in very bad shape. and, as i said - the marriage suffers
so much. we have been married for a very long time - to just
each siblings - which are many- have not been at all
supportive in any way. it's probably all in the manner of
"get over it". that's my opinion. we were always close and
now we are not. there was alot of anger and much of it on
my part. somehow - they were not there for me. i don't know
if i can ever forgive them for their doing so.
i am still very sad and i just wish that someone in my
family would give me a hug - send me a card, call me on the
anniversary of his death, acknowledge mother's day,
remember his birthday -etc.
thanks for listening to me.

Comments for my son alex

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Sep 02, 2012
I'm sorry for our losses
by: Ray

My former wife and I, long divorced, lost our son to depression and suicide on June 18, 2012. I still cry lots. At times, it seems unreal. My life is no longer the same. I feel so guilty, empty and sad. His name was Alex too. Hugs and understanding to you and your husband.

Sep 24, 2011
by: Anonymous

Dear HH-
Thanks for your sincere comments. I see that you
are a regular contributor here. See alot of
HH's. Amazing that after 45 yrs of marriage that
my husband and I may be splitting up. Guess this
was truly the straw that broke the camels back
(so to speak). Everything is still up in the air,
but the air gets cloudier every day. Counseling
is really out of the question - tried that, done
that. We were never on the same page inre to
raising or parenting him, so how could we agree
on handling his being gone. I know that what's important to me is to have a closeness to my grandson and be able to see him more often. By the
time he's a teenager - he'll have other things to do and no interest in old folks. so-I'd like to give him the next 4-5 yrs of my attention. I think his dad would want that of us and really appreciate it. We saw him last in July - took him to a great kid oriented hotel on the beach and had a blast.
One morning when he and I got up early and I'd made his breakfast - he said to me "Grandma -
I really miss my dad". I said "I do too". Then he
said "don't you think he was the greatest dad in the world"? "Of course he was - all time" "he was
the greatest dad!"Well, it was all I could do to hold back the tears an not have a total melt down. - but I did my best. WE are clear across the country from him - not easy to get here to there-and a major expense. Of course, he is the spitting image of our son - so it is with sadness just to look at him. Since the parents were divorced, and there was much anger in the divorce - has made it harder to make arrangements to see him. The Ex wife is "coming around", as
she knows she should. So, do we sell this house
and take a big loss in order to buy something closer to him? Or, bite the bullet and pay what it takes to go visit, stay in a hotel and entertain him in his hometown several X's per year. Last trip was $6,000. for 5 days with hotel, car rental and flights (no meals, dogsitter expense, entertainment, toys, etc). Do that 4 times a year and Wow.I know she won't let him come here - that would be so much cheaper. Maybe when he's a teenager she would - but, then he wouldn't want to come.
Just rambling here with my thoughts. Maybe someone else has good insight.

Sep 16, 2011
Your son Alex

I too am heading towards the 2 year mark. Grief has no time frame it wanders down its own trail on its own time. The memories that we have will always be there. But it is the living that we do now that makes a difference. They are watching over us om death as they did in life. It feels as if we have no control over our broken hearts trying, struggling to find happiness in it self takes great courage.

In our minds somehow the day, the seasons and the earth should cease to be without the one person that made our world go round. We begin our todays with a single thought, a kind gesture and finding something to smile about.

Men think and deal differently Logic rules their mind, emotions are pushed back or worked through(Fixed) Women wear their heart on their sleeve seeking out the advice of others, how to get though this. Wanting to talk of the ones we loved to keep their memory alive.

And unless you have been there you do not understand. Grief is an ongoing process day by day, moment by moment and a memory can spiral us downward only to claw our way back to some type of peace from within.

I keep my thoughts to myself except here. My time alloted for empathy has expired in the "real world". Take grief and allow it to help you live fully completely and never ever take life for granted again...

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