My Son Casey

by Diane
(Ontario, Canada)

It's just after midnight. I find it hard to go to bed at night because I think a lot then. Instead, I watch T.V., play computer games, read, or do puzzles.
Casey was my first born. It would be his 26th birthday on September 19th. He was killed in a motorcycle accident just two months before his 24th birthday (tomorrow). He had just started a new job a couple of weeks before the accident. He had gone out and bought new shirts and pants for the office. I hemmed the pants for him. I don't think he even got to wear everything he bought. It feels like it's only been 2 weeks, not 2 years. I miss him so much!! I believe he's still with us in so many ways, but it's just not enough.
Casey and his younger sister had become very close a few years before the accident. They had gotten past the sibling rivalry and I was so proud that they were always there for each other, including each other in their get togethers with friends. That makes me feel badly for my daughter's loss.
Casey and his dad had finally worked through their differences and learned to enjoy each others company. Every Sunday Casey would come here in the afternoon and the two of them would sit in the carport (if the weather was nice) and have a beer, or his dad would help him with his car. He'd stay for supper before going to his apartment or to see friends. His dad really misses him.
Every time I hear a motorcycle that sounds like his, I can't help but wish it was Casey coming home. He never missed being with us for holidays or birthdays, or any special occasion, so it will be very hard not to have him here on his birthday again. We plan to go out and have a toast to him. Normally I would make his favourite food (schnitzel), but my daughter has to work into the evening. All three of us say it hurts so much because we loved him so much, and wouldn't give up our closeness for it not to hurt the way it does.
We picked three songs that meant something special to us for Casey's funeral and I get some comfort from them when I hear them on the radio. Casey like the song "We're Here For a Good Time" and we picked "Forever Young" and "One More Day". We hear "We're Here For a Good Time" a lot. I believe Casey's trying to cheer us up.
His birth was one of the happiest days of my life, but I can't say, "Happy Birthday," to him any more.

Comments for My Son Casey

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Sep 23, 2012
To Doreen
by: Diane

Hi Doreen,
Thank you so much for taking the time to write. I still appreciate talking about Casey, but unless my family brings him up, there isn't much said. I suppose sometimes people aren't sure if it's too painful, or just don't know what to say.
I'm so sorry to hear about your husband. I can only imagine what you're going through. I haven't had to deal with that. If I didn't have my husband and daughter, I don't know what might have happened. I only found this site about two weeks ago, and it took me some time before I could write my feelings down. I hope it helps both of us! I know that just seeing that there was a message (yours), made me feel better. Thanks again.

Sep 22, 2012
Casey's Birthday
by: Diane

We managed to get through the day better than I expected. For me, it was because I decided to look at the positives about Casey's birth - how much love he brought to our lives and the fact that he was here for 23 years. I still wish, every day, that he would walk in the door and say, "Hi!" and it would all be a horrible nightmare. We get signs from him all the time, and it helps, and although it will never be good enough, we'll take what we can get.

Sep 19, 2012
My Son Casey
by: Doreen U.K.

Diane I am sorry for your loss of your son Casey. It is every parent's nightmare. To lose a child to death at such a young age and before us as parents. One just doesn't know what is round the corner for each of us. I couldn't cope if I lost one of my 3 Adult children. I feel very vulnerable now after losing my husband to cancer just over 4 months ago. It feels more like 4yrs. I am missing him so much it hurts every day. I don't make plans, because I have no one to fulfill them for. It just feels like I drift on from one day to the next aimlessly not knowing what I want to do with my life. We each handle grief differently. It is very hard for the siblings left. We all go on nevertheless, because that is all we can do. But you will ponder into the future and wonder how Casey's life would have turned out. He may have gotton married and had a family and all the things young men dream of. This is the hard part.
I hope that you all are able as a family go on to find joy and happiness again in life.

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