My Son is Gone

by Charlene

My son, Willie, passed away on December 28, 2013 in Scottsdale, Arizona. I live in Connecticut and was in Arizona visiting him for 6 weeks and flew home October 26, 2013. I still do not know what happened to him as autopsy is still pending. I spoke to him on the phone the night before he passed. He was happy, he bought a new pair of sneakers that day. I had the office of his apartment complex check because I could not reach him and he was found in his bed dead. About 3 1/2 years ago, he was in a very bad auto accident. He almost did not make it then, he had to have emergency brain surgery to save his life. He did recover and said God was not ready for him - that he still had a purpose to be on earth, but did not know what it was. I think it was so I could spend more time with him before he had to go. We were always close, but after his brain surgery, we become even closer. We spoke every day. He was a very good son, never disrespectful or mean and often told me he loved me, and I know he did. I miss him more each day. I think at first I was in shock and numb. As time goes by it is sinking in deeper and hurting more and more. How do mothers and fathers handle this hurt that never goes away?

Comments for My Son is Gone

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Mar 20, 2014
My Son
by: christine

I am so sorry for you. My son has been gone 16 months. 38 years old. I have kept a journal. I wrote him a letter this morning telling him how much I miss him and love him. We where very close and did everything together. We went for long walks and mountain climbing, we cooked, barbequed, and watched football. He was engaged to be married. God has helped me everyday, without Him there would be no hope, I would have no strength. My prayers are with you. God Bless.

Mar 19, 2014
another mother
by: Joe's Mom

I am sorry for your loss! Like you, I am wading through this grief looking for a way to survive the pain. My son died July 2013 unexpectedly and once the shock and numb wore off, I remember the physical heart-ache. Now, there are waves of good thoughts with happy memories and waves of missing him so much it aches. Please know, I pray each day for God to help me and to hold my boy when I cannot. This site and the words of others with shared experience helps sometimes, I believe God gives me the hugs I miss from Joe and though at first, I didn't care if I went because I have a son here and a son there but I am finally ready to try to get past "exist" and live - for both of us. He had a tattoo on his arm in Spanish "you only live once" and he lived his life that way, trying as much as he could, giving much love and support and hoping for it to come back to him. I am sure Willie was special too, from your words and hope that you find comfort and support. Remember to treat yourself well, and be easy on things, we learn to cope and I still have hope, so can you, that we will learn to find the joy our boys gave us. You mentioned that cause not there and not sure it matters...that is what I came to since no cause will bring them back, so unless someone hurt them (not in my son's case), what does it really matter cause...Hugs to you, it is really early and this grief is a long journey, so go easy and share our world here.

Mar 18, 2014
Your son
by: Kate

My son is gone too.16 months now. It has been the hardest road ever in still on it. I just beg Heavenly Father for help each day and I somehow do make it with Him. My heart aches,it never goes away. I am with you in your pain and hurt.

Mar 18, 2014
My son too
by: Anonymous

My son died January 8th. Like you we still don't know the cause of his death yet, I'm not sure it matters. And also like you the numbness is wearing off and the pain of the reality is getting more intense, sometimes its hard to function. But I know Jason wouldn't want this to end me, he loved me too much for that. I want to feel happy again and some days I do, I hope that those days will become more frequent. My best to you and all others who are part of this terrible club.

Mar 18, 2014
by: dianne

Dear Charlene I am so sorry for your loss I lost my eldest son age 21 July 2013 unexpectidly not a day has gone by that I have not thought about Paul and wished he was still here .Our children we love eternally I live in hope that when my time has come I will be reunited with Paul again it hasn't got any easier with the heartache but I try my best to think of all the good times and memories I shared with Paul . Remember the good times you shared with Willy the love will remain there some days I have Good days others not so good and the emptiness I feel I can't ever see it going away but feel we just learn to live with it my thoughts are with you and your family one mum to another big hugs I share your grief I hope your replies help a little they did me I didn't feel so alone x

Mar 18, 2014
My son is gone
by: Mike UK

I,m so sorry for your loss I too lost my son July 2013. The grief and pain of losing a son/daughter can be too much too at times.
I cannot reassure you that it gets better with time its 8 mths since my son passed and i feel the same.
However, the time in between the grief appears to get longer bit by bit therefore it will get more bearable and I suppose very gradually we will heal so to speak and start to function better.

I wish you and your family well


Mar 18, 2014
Your Son
by: Wendy (Kyle's Mom)


Your post was hard to ready. I can't imagine being so far away with no answers for the loss of your wonderful son. I, too, lost my son in 2009 at the age of 21. I found him in his apartment after he did not show up for work or call. He died in May and in July the medical company that distributed his insulin pump supplies did a re-call on infusion sets that are required to use the pump. We can only assume he died from low blood sugar. He was home alone so I guess we will never know for sure.
Do you have other children? I feel deep compassion for your grief and struggle to move forward. It is the hardest thing I have every had to do and it remains difficult as we approach the 5 year anniversary of his death. My heart goes out to you and your family.

Mar 18, 2014
Our sons
by: Cindy

I am so sorry for the loss of your son Willie. I lost my 17 yr old son Ethan in August after a very brief and unexpected illness. I do not know how we are suppose to go on without our sons. Every day is a struggle and life makes no sense. I only know that I must go on because of those who love me. The only comfort I get is knowing that, one day, I will be with my Ethan again. I hope you have the love and support of loved ones. Please know you are not alone in your sorrow and pain.

Mar 18, 2014
My Son is Gone
by: Doreen UK

Charlene I am so sorry for your loss of your son Willie to a sudden death. We go through life each day and never think we could suddenly lose someone close to us. I remember one day having a sudden strong uncomfortable feeling come over me which said. "What if I lose this precious husband of mine? "What will I do?" I dismissed this thought but it was strange almost as if it was about to happen. It was like a flashback to life with Him. 44yrs. of being married. Wondering if we would see 50yrs. together. Then the devastating news, to my husband. "You have an incurable, inoperable, aggressive malignant cancer" My life passed so fast, and I felt as if this news was not real. I then days later felt so numb as I cared for him through his cancer journey for 3yrs.39days and then he died 22 months ago. WE WILL NEVER GET OVER OUR LOSS. To lose a child/adult child is the very worst loss. To me a spouse comes a close second but this doesn't minimise all the other people on this site who are grieving their own losses that are pertinent to them and just as profound and deep a loss. We all have different stories and histories but can adequately describe the pain and grief experience as being the very worst life deals us. I worry about my 3 children and worry if I should lose any one of them. "How would I cope without them?" WE can never put our grief to bed. We just cope by taking ONE DAY AT A TIME!. This is all we can do and to express our grief here so that we can all one day heal as we support each other. I still feel so very UNHAPPY. I miss my husband as you miss your Son. May God go with us all and give us His comfort and Peace each moment of each day. I am sorry for your loss.

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