My Son Jason

by Brenda McCoy
(Phoenix, AZ)

On 3/16/14, my 22 year old son passed from an accidental heroin overdose. It has been just about a month and I don't believe I've even excepted yet. He had been struggling with this addiction for a little over 2 years. He was clean for 7 months. Then I got that call, the one you hoped you would never get. His dad found him in the bathroom. I'm devastated and still feel like this is a dream. I'm working on finding ways to cope. So that is where I'm at this moment. My feelings are all over the place right now. All I know is this is the worst pain. If I could take away the pain of every parent who ever lost a child and hold it for them, I would. Because it couldn't possibly hurt anymore than it does now. Jason I miss you so much.

Comments for My Son Jason

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May 04, 2014
jasons mum
by: dianne

I just read your post and had to reply I just found out I lost my son Paul to alcohol and heroin Paul passes away 11/07/2013 he was 21 his 22 nd birthday would have been a month later I still find it hard to accept as I had no idea Paul had taken this but with his drinking and mixture of this he went to sleep my only consolation is he looked so peaceful maybe if there is an afterlife Paul and Jason have become friends my sympathies are with the feelings you o threw and I had to reply to say thank you for your comment at this the hardest time each parent has I am pleased the site helps you it did me and just wanted to thank you for sharing your kind words with us all big hugs to one mother to another my thoughts are with you Brenda x

May 04, 2014
My Son Jason
by: Brenda McCoy

I would like to first thank everyone for your comments on my post. I have not been able to put in words yet how I feel, it has just been to painful. Though I have read your comments and they have gotten me through nights and other times when I felt so alone. I am ready to start putting my feelings into words and will be posting in a day or two. Also, I want to respond to your posts on your losses but I wasn't emotionally ready to. Please know I have kept you all in my prayers and as I start this process of accepting his passing, I would like to share my comments about your loss. You have all been there with your kind words when I felt all alone and that has meant a lot to me. God bless you all. Hugs, Brenda XOXO, mother of My Son Jason

Apr 25, 2014
My Son Jason
by: Katie's Mom

My heart is breaking for you as I lost my daughter, Katie on 9/4/13 after a drug OD. Her father and I came home to find her dead in our family room. No one should ever see their kid go out in a body bag! Because I was so upset I called EAP at my hospital, went out on a leave and is in grief counseling every week. That has helped but you need to know that grief is personal to everyone & everyone grieves on their own time line. There is No right or wrong. Her 15 year old daughter is in counseling as well and that is helping. I made myself get out of bed every day (so hard) and so something. I went to the Library, I took swimming lessons, I went to the beach to read (to get away from phone calls). Screen your phone calls so you only speak to those that you want to. I'm 7 months into this and it's not any easier. I'm back to work,in December, but some days I feel like I have lost my mind and am just going crazy, Add to that stress that my son-in-law got stabbed 7 times the week before Christmas, almost making my grand daughter an orphan (and is finally doing well) but then my husband ad a stroke on 1/6/14. Let's just pile it on! Some days I just say, bring it on Lord. I am ready. I want my old life back but I know that is impossible. The pain never seems to go away. But the counseling is helping somewhat. Find a good person where you can go and scream & shout and cry and just let it all out! Katie's Mom - Annie

Apr 23, 2014
Comfort
by: Kyle dad

Many of us are in the same boat I would love to start or build a place that we can send all of our children to and they really get the help they need because pharmaceutical companies don't care

Apr 22, 2014
Your Son Jason and mine: Stephen
by: Anonymous

I'm very sorry for your loss... My only son Stephen passed away from a Heroin overdose as well on 1/17/2014. The pain is unbearable... we knew he had a drug problem but thought he was clean for a year, had gotten a girlfriend and was working. He and his girlfriend were living with us and saving for their own place. It was a week after he had been hospitalized for a drug overdose ( he was signed up for outpatient therapy)when we found him locked in our bathroom and not breathing... It is so sad... I understand how you feel and my heart goes out to you and your family. God bless. Keep praying, God will help us.

Apr 17, 2014
Your son
by: Kate

I go on this site often because like you said,no one understands unless they have lost their child. On here I know that what I say and express is understood and yes, I don't feel alone on the path. It's no path I ever wanted,nor you or any of us but we are on the mourning bench together if we be in the USA or any other country! When I need someone who knows,I can come hear and read and cry and know I'm in the same struggle because you do feel so alone! Thank you for writing us back,some are so hurt they can't do that but some are writers and need to express in that way. ANY way we grieve is normal because death of a child is not!! Cyber hug.

Apr 16, 2014
My Son Jason
by: Brenda

Thank you all for sharing your stories with me. I feel a little more at ease (for the moment) knowing that what I'm feeling is normal. How I wish none of us would have to feel this pain. Another thing I did read about is if some one has never lost a child it is hard for them to understand what you are going through and think you should be back to feeling good soon. Unfortunately, my fiancé has lost a child and he can relate to me. Once the services are over they are back to their routine and I feel lost and alone. I don't want to call them and cry on their shoulder. I'm so very sorry for your losses also. Ty as your kind words and concern don't make me feel alone. Brenda

Apr 16, 2014
Your son
by: Kate

Thinking of you again as you are in the new shock stage of grief,my son died from drinking alcohol with cocaine,an accidental death as well. So extremely hard to accept. The emotional roller coaster of grief is so hard,pain sorrow,anger,
So many tears will come, only as time goes on we realize we have to accept that they are gone, want to or not. It's a horrible
Path to walk and my heart is with you. Take one day at a time.
Healing comes from power beyond ours.

Apr 16, 2014
Your son
by: Kate

I understand you deep pain, I lost my so too 17 months ago. Never did I think I would have to face this! The sorrow and hurt is beyond words. My heart is with you.

Apr 16, 2014
your son Jason
by: Jolynn

I understand your pain. My son accidently overdosed on Heroin a little over a year now. He was 26. He was very accomplished. was an officer in the Marines training to be a fighter pilot. a girl introduced him to oxycontin and when it got too expensive, he switched to Heroin. he had his pilots license and had a brilliant future which points to the fact that addiction can overtake anyone regardless of life's circumstances. From the time he took that first pill until he died was only about 8 months, I was so sick from grief that I had to go to ER(anxiety chest pain). I would lie on my bed and just shake. I didn't just cry, I wailed. I sleep with his shirt still and I cry but when I think of the reality that he will never come home, that I'll never see him again, it breaks my heart and shatters my world. I am sorry you have to endure this. It's so very painful. I hope that someday we will be reunited with our dear boys.

Apr 15, 2014
your son jason
by: dianne

Dear Brenda I'm so very sorry for your loss I know your feelings oh so true its was the worst pain I could possibly Eva imagine experienced from I'm going to go mad tears anger the hope its all been a nightmare and I'm going wake up in a man but it didn't happen I lost my 21 year old son Paul I've got his inquest in few weeks time he went sleep never to wake up July 11th last year so I wanted to give one mum to another a great big hug from me my thoughts are with you and just take one day at a time our sons will always be in our hearts and our love for them will remain I do ave God days now but I know its going to bam and hit me again but I have his younger bro and his only daughter with me now so I have to be strong and live in hope that when its my time we will see them again Neva to be apart from them again my thoughts are with you Brenda for the loss of Jason may he sleep tite he knows you will always love him but your journey is still ongoing remember the Good times you was able share xx

Apr 15, 2014
Thinking of You
by: Kim Bass

Oh Brenda, I can feel your pain in your words and I wish I had to words to say to ease your pain; but, I know that nothing I can say take the pain away, especially now because it is still so new. But, know that I'm sending sending you a virtual hug and thoughts of healing and strength for you journey through grief.

Apr 15, 2014
Your son
by: Anonymous

I'm coming up to a year since I lost my son to an accidental heroin overdose. He made it to 31. And I'm not sure how many years he used. Its the saddest thing to accept. My heart is broken. I do go to a group, compassionate friends. In the group, I just recently met a friend who lost her son recently in the same manner. We are becoming good friends, and try to help each other. Please try to find a meeting, or find someone who's been through this ordeal. It will help. But believe me I know the agony your going through, and I'm so sorry.

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