My son Joe, age 30
My son Joe died Sunday 11/13/11. Just one week ago. I miss him very much. He was my best friend. He was killed tragically in a car accident when another man ran a red light. My wife and I were wintering in Florida. When I left I told my son to be careful. He said have fun and don't worry about me. I had a premonition that something was going to happen. Two weeks after we got there my father went into the hospital after falling. I thought that was it and felt I should come home to visit him, but my brother said he was ok and was just in therapy. I still felt I should come up, something just didn't feel right. While walking with friends in a park I got a phone call from my brother saying my son, Joe was in a bad accident. I figured he was in the hospital but would be fine. When I called the hospital they told me my son had died. I still don't believe it. I wanted to die, I wanted to trade places with him. I wanted him back. I couldn't leave his casket. I wanted to take him with me, to be with me forever. I cried for days. Now I can't seem to find the tears I need to grieve. Yesterday and today I did not cry. I wanted to, I need to, but they won't come.
I loved being a father and went out of my way to give my boys a good life. It wasn't always easy, especially with Joe. He was my difficult one. But I felt closer to him because he just seemed to tug at my heart strings all the more. He never seemed to get a break in life. but lately his life was finally starting to reach the top of the long struggle he had faced. He was happy, in love and excited about going to college. For a kid that dropped out of high school he sure loved college. He was a very special man as I learned at his funeral. He was a better man then I will ever be. I miss him so much. I can't eat, can't sleep and have no will to live. I loved the life I had. Now I hate it because all my happiness is gone. I just want to crawl in a hole and die. And please don't tell me to pray or let God into my life as right now I am very angry at a god who would do this not only to my son but to his brother, mother, grandfather, uncle, aunt and cousins and all those he touched.