My son Joe, age 30

by Tom
(Lambertville, MI)

My son Joe died Sunday 11/13/11. Just one week ago. I miss him very much. He was my best friend. He was killed tragically in a car accident when another man ran a red light. My wife and I were wintering in Florida. When I left I told my son to be careful. He said have fun and don't worry about me. I had a premonition that something was going to happen. Two weeks after we got there my father went into the hospital after falling. I thought that was it and felt I should come home to visit him, but my brother said he was ok and was just in therapy. I still felt I should come up, something just didn't feel right. While walking with friends in a park I got a phone call from my brother saying my son, Joe was in a bad accident. I figured he was in the hospital but would be fine. When I called the hospital they told me my son had died. I still don't believe it. I wanted to die, I wanted to trade places with him. I wanted him back. I couldn't leave his casket. I wanted to take him with me, to be with me forever. I cried for days. Now I can't seem to find the tears I need to grieve. Yesterday and today I did not cry. I wanted to, I need to, but they won't come.

I loved being a father and went out of my way to give my boys a good life. It wasn't always easy, especially with Joe. He was my difficult one. But I felt closer to him because he just seemed to tug at my heart strings all the more. He never seemed to get a break in life. but lately his life was finally starting to reach the top of the long struggle he had faced. He was happy, in love and excited about going to college. For a kid that dropped out of high school he sure loved college. He was a very special man as I learned at his funeral. He was a better man then I will ever be. I miss him so much. I can't eat, can't sleep and have no will to live. I loved the life I had. Now I hate it because all my happiness is gone. I just want to crawl in a hole and die. And please don't tell me to pray or let God into my life as right now I am very angry at a god who would do this not only to my son but to his brother, mother, grandfather, uncle, aunt and cousins and all those he touched.

Comments for My son Joe, age 30

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Dec 06, 2011
Be strong
by: Anonymous

I understand how everyone feels. My aunt was shot in the head coming out of church. She was a wonderful person who believed in god and lived her life for him her whole life. Never married but chose to help others instead. After I found out she was killed I was devastated. I to questioned my faith for the first time in my life. Than something miraculous happened. The same nite she was killed I found something that I couldn't understand how it got there to assure me at that moment she was fine and in heaven. To this day I don't know how this wonderful gift got to me but I knew I really knew it was from her. There was a story behind this gift I found but I wanted to reassure all of the people who grieve over loved ones that it was real and it was from her and there is a beautiful place for our loved ones to go when they leave us. I hope this brings some comfort to some, because when I saw this miracle I was at peace with myself and it helped me greatly to overcome the uncertainties we feel over the loss of our loved ones. Be strong and BELIEVE that they are happy and we WILL see them again soon.

Dec 05, 2011
I can feel you!
by: Anonymous

I am a broken mom who lost her son to suicide 5 months and 10 days ago. I missed him so much and I constantly cry and think about him. At first I was angry with God too. I was asking him why my family ? Why me? His dad and I are devastated. Like you even after that much time (5 months and half)I am not better than the first day of his death. He is in front of my eyes and his voice is in my ears. I talk to him in my heart asking him questions and he answers me. The pain is so unbearable that words can not describe it. Time does not ease the pain either. Like you I did not want to let him go at the funeral. No body can understand you unless that person had the same experience. I want like you to die and I wished God to let me go to him everyday. I pray to join him because I know in my heart that I will see him. I hope God will help us to cope with this. My child was a dentist and he was 37.

Dec 05, 2011
I absolutely understand
by: Karen

Hi there

Oh I am so so sorry. My daughter also 30 years, just had her birthday..she died on my birthday, 3 weeks ago, after struggling with Leukemia for 5 months, with not the outcome we wanted. She was a kind gentle person, and my very best friend. I know how you are feeling, you just dont want to live without them.

Tonight I am so lonely for heart just aches. Its just not right to lose a child, we are a part of a club that no parent wants to be apart of.

Just wanted to die with her, as feel have no purpose in my life anymore.

I cant say stay we try to be, but its just hard to just function without them.
My heart aches for you too.

Vancouver BC

Nov 28, 2011
my Scott died Nov 15, 2011
by: Nancy Irvin

I found my son dead in his home of an apparent heart attack. Never in a million years could I imagined the horror my family would and is going through. Scott had diabetes II and hypertension. He was non-compliant about proper diet, exercise and medications and had a high stress position. I can bearly get through the day and am on an emotional rollercoaster. My head knows he is with God and relatives, but my heart wants him so very badly. Please let the pain ease up. I try to be brave for my husband but am not doing too good. God be with you and others who go through this living nightmare.

Nov 28, 2011
I lost my daughter on November 13th too
by: Kim

Tom, your story about losing your son touched my heart. My baby girl of 6 months died Sunday, Nov 13th too. I was reading through everyone's posts looking for some answers and comfort. Thank you for sharing your story. May we all find the strength to keep moving forward in our loved ones honor.

Nov 25, 2011
I'm so sorry
by: Anonymous

My heart goes out to you. I'm so very sorry for the loss of your beloved son, Joe. I understand what you're going through for I lost my son, Nabil, a year ago. He was 22 years old. The feelings, thoughts and emotions that you're going through are all normal under the circumstances. The pain and sadness will never go away but somehow, with time, we will learn to live with our loss. Just take one moment at a time, then one hour at a time and later one day at a time. For me, joining the support group of bereaved parents, The Compassionate Friends, helps me a great deal. for being among those who understand makes me feel less alone and it validates whatever thoughts and feelings I have. Those who are further along the grief journey give me hope that we can survive our loss and rebuild our lives again.
Take care and be gentle with yourself.

Nov 25, 2011
I lost my son Joe, age 31, too
by: Anonymous

I know how hard it is to walk this path. Yesterday at the cemetery I thought that I would rather be dead with him than alive with anyone here on earth. That sounds pretty bad since I have a loving husband and an elderly mother that depends upon me. However, it is how I feel.

Somehow, some way, we have to go on. One step at a time, despite the pain.

Nov 24, 2011
My deepest deepest sympathy
by: Anonymous

hi there. i read your so very sad grief blog.
i do understand 100 percent how you are feeling, honestly i do. i lost my mother due to a very wrongful--horrible death because of a hospital and 2 particular nursing homes in my hometown of billings, montana. i hold very deep sadness, bitterness, anger, feelings of frustration and fear. my tears and sadness seem to consume every second, every minute and every hour of my life, and nothing seem to fulfill all that extensive pain. i would love to have the opportunity to visit with you----maybe we could help each other with our sorrows, and again, i am so so very sorry for your loss. i hope we can talk sometime. even though the pain is so intense and the sadness remains, it's still reassuring to know that someone else does care. i'm the nursing home nightmare---negligent hospital person. give me a jingle if you feel like talking. 406-861-7392 i posted a comment on the grief blog nov 22 2011.
I know it's difficult to go on and I would be more than happy to help if I can.
My name is Deborrah----please call----i'd love to visit with you. I'm the nursing home nightmare---negligent hospital--comment person. I lost my mother due to a wrongful---horrible death because of a hospital and 2 nursing home facilities. I'm working adamantly to form a grief support group in case you'd like to visit about that. Hope to hear from you. And again I am so very sorry.

Nov 24, 2011
I hold you in my heart Tom
by: Sue

Dear Tom,
You are in my heart and my thoughts. I know there are no words to comfort you. All of us on this site
have been through or are going through now what you are feeling, but our stories of pain will not really help you at the moment. Just go with the flow Tom - grieve for your precious son, he deserved to be cried for and mourned and if you try and hold back your sorrow in any way you will become physically ill.
This too shall pass.
With love,

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