My son Mark, gone forever on Memorial Day 2010

by Diane
(Vernon, Texas, US)

I awoke to the sounds of my husband screaming, "OH NO, DIANE WAKE UP...He's NOT BREATHING, MARK IS NOT BREATHING!!!" I will never forget waking up, but still thinking I was dreaming...I remember looking at the clock and it was 9:04 on a Monday Morning, May 31, 2010..."NO, I screamed...He just told me he loved me right before I went to bed. He was happy and smiling. I went his bedroom, and when I saw him laying there lifeless, I just went int hysterics. My husband had called an ambulance, but it seemed to take forever, In the meantime, I checked for a pulse...there was none. He had aspirated, so Mouth to mouth was not an option, as I had learned the in a recent first aid class not to give resue breathe to an aspirating victim. I tried the CPR thrusts to the heart...still no pulse after 2 minutes. I hovered over him until the ambulance arrived and the paramedics told me it was an apparent overdose. I watched as they pronounced him dead, put a sheet over him and carried him out in a Gurney. The whole thing seemed surreal,a nd I just kept dsaying, "no, no, no and...why, why, why" Word cannot describe what the next few weeks were like....I was totally numb...could not stop crying and I still cry a lot over 2 years later. I suppose I always will. I just miss him SO much. He was my heart and soul and kept me laughing with his sense of humor. We were so very close. All I can say to anyone visiting this website under similar circumstances is that if you have suffered the loss of your child...your lfe will go on, but it will never be the same...ever. Focus on the people you do have and that helps, but don't expect to ever have a time in your life that you don't continue to feel a deep aching heart over the loss of your child.

Comments for My son Mark, gone forever on Memorial Day 2010

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Apr 02, 2013
Family's loss
by: Colin

Dianne we lost our son in exactly same you did on Boxing Day 2010 he was 27, the only difference was that I did not know how to wake my wife and tell her what I had found without distroying her but there was no better way to it from that point on your description of events was identically. I don't know what it was but I seemed to be looking around like I was in glass jar.... Remembering that sensation confirms for me that he has actually gone even 2 and half years on its still hard to believe.

Jan 10, 2013
Your son
by: Kate

I lost my son November 17,2012
I feel just what you do.
The toxicology report is not yet back
But nothing will change the loss and sorrow
And pain in my heart ,my love goes out to you.BO

Nov 30, 2012
Me too
by: Anonymous

It is coming up on 2 years for me in Jan 2011. Sometimes it feels surreal. To this day I cannot beleive that my son is actually gone. How can this be ? He was only 28yrs old. You are right I feel the aching loss every day. I still cry - not as much but once I start its hard to stop. To all the parents who come here, we know the ache, and yes 2 years later it is still there and i dont think it will ever disappear.

Nov 25, 2012
My son Mark, gone forever on Memorial Day 2010.
by: Doreen U.K.

Diane I am sorry for you and your husband's loss of your son Mark 2 years ago.
The loss of a child is the worst a parent can go through. The circumstances of death affects the grief and many need the support of a grief counsellor to help them.
My nephew was 30yrs. suffered depression and was put on anti-depressants that have side effects of SUICIDAL FEELINGS. My nephew 5 years ago threw himself in front of an express train. Our lives were never the same. My sister was MAD with GRIEF and needed a Grief counsellor to come to her home to support and counsell her. It did help her and she recovered enough to carry on with life. She still has very bad days and goes on the compassionate friends forum for parents who have lost a child. She will have the scars forever even if the pain gets less.
I coudn't cope with losing a child. I lost my husband of 44yrs. 6 months ago to cancer. I had to watch him die slowly and I couldn't take his pain away. I felt helpless and had to watch with a broken heart and crying inside all the time. This is why my grief is so hard to cope with. The type of death affects the grief.
I will never be the same again. I just drift through each day not caring what it brings. Life is so full of sorrow and tears. How does one go on?

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