My son Mark, I love and miss you so much, mom

by Evonne Jenkins
(pictou county, N.S canada)

I lost my son Mark to a massive heart attack august 1st 2011,,,,I have three daughters but i only had one son ,,,,I'm having such a hard time just getting through a day,,,,having an awful lot of trouble with his x wife,,,,its hard enough trying ti deal with losing Mark without the hasstle of xwife,,,,I lost my husband in 2002 ,,Alzheimers,,,,and now my son ,,,I don't know how to cope,,,,have meds for bad days but they don't work either,,,,hve no idea what to do,,,,i have a hard time just looking at his picture,,,,I didn't even get to say goodbye,,,I was in ontario when it happened,,,,flew home next morning first flight ,,,they did keep him at the hospital till I saw him ,,,,I still feel like I'm in a nightmare and it won't go away ,,,,,thankyou for reading and listening

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Nov 07, 2011
Learn how to fly..
by: Anonymous

It has been three LONG HARD years since my only son went missing ( Lost at Sea) never to be found. Chris ( my son) had a love live in girl friend Crissy.. She needed the Things more than I did. funny thing is I only kept an old phone bill Not sure why. Just recently I open the bill up looked at it and let it fall from my hand into the trash can. Where he used to be, there is a hole in the world, which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling in at night. I miss him all the time..... You can live with out the THINGS... after to have learned the next to the hardest thing other than losing a love one, and that is that yes we can live with out them... I cry when i see a picture or even a song .. We are here. our grandchildren are here and even the Xwives and girlfriends...and we all love and MIss our son....

Sep 07, 2011
feeling your pain
by: kay

I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your son Mark.There is no pain that can compare to the loss of child,no matter what age.I lost my son last year he was 23 and I still cry most nights,he too was my only son.Only a parent who has lost a child could possibly know the heartache that we feel.It is like a part of us goes along with our sons.I am thinking of you and send you healing and peace.Remember our beautiful sons will forever live on in our xxx

Sep 07, 2011
by: evonne

I would like to thank all who wrote ,,,what is so awful is your children are not supposed to go before you ,,,,Mark was 41,,,,I had forgotten to put his age ,,,,we are not only going through losing Mark but are also dealing with his Xwife,,,,they were not divorced just separated ,,,he did not have much but she wants it all,,,,Mark has a daughter 6 ,,, but I doubt I will get to see her,,,,she had put him through so much stress,,,,I;ve never had so much as a speeding ticket and we are having police call with what she wants,,,,I live with my youngest daughter owing to my husbands illness,,,,I don;t know how I would cope otherwise,,,,,but it is so hard getting through a day without getting upset and I don;t care to take meds everytime,,,,again Thankyou,,,,,Evonne

Sep 05, 2011
by: Anonymous

that is the date my son went to Heaven. He was 23 and he had leukemia. It hurts...a lot....I go to The Compassionate Friends meetings to talk. I need to talk and I need to know someone is listening. They listen and they understand....God help us on this painful journey

Sep 05, 2011
Mark and Love
by: Geoffrey campbell

Dear Evvone, your letter has helped me, though I wept reading it, I could identify with you in your loss and grief. This site, recover-from-grief helps me greatly. I have also found help daily to help me cope.
Know that we who read your letter are moved by your loss and pray that you will have the strength for your family. But more encouraging is the fact that you possess great love and are loved and needed by your family, and we have the hope of seeing our loved ones because our best Friend is love, He sees our grief and our sorrows, and it is written in Isaiah that "In all our affliction He is afflicted."
Sincerely, a friend in Scranton Pennsylvania

Sep 04, 2011
My Son, Mark
by: Brenda Richison

Dearest Mom. U gotta hang in there, Mom. And I know first handed that its never gonna be the same and u'll never quit missing him, crying, loving him. I lost my middle son,26 yrs old to suicide. He sat on his front porch at 4 a.m. w/a 9 mm and shot himself."WHY?" Honey, only God and him knows. He was always happy, smiling, never met a stranger. No one would take me to the hospital to hold him. They sent his body off for 2 days for autopsy. My son handled all arrangements. I didn't get to see him till the viewing. His head was swollen. His beard was shaved wrong. I tried to hold him, but he was so stiff and heavy I couldn't. I told my son to close this caskett! Its not even looking like him. He did. So, I missed that chance to kiss, hold him. This was 7 yrs ago. I've been to hospitals, Drs. Medicated, And therapy groups. I'm no better. Oh, I can get by now, but it hurts to live. I miss him so much!!A Mothers love will always be there. They'll hurt the worst. I'll pray for u. My email is Email me anytime, nights or days, if u need someone to talk to. I usually am up at nights, cuz can't sleep. Anything I can do to help u, I'll try my best to do it. God bless u! Brenda Richison

Sep 04, 2011
by: Miranda

I'm on this website because I also recently lost two very close loved ones within a matter of months; my husband of 30 yrs through an unexpected accident and our 12 yr old girl through prolonged illness. It's been a year now, and I still grieve and cry. Some family relations worsened through all this and some family relations actually vastly improved ! I am a Christian and often ask myself, "WHAT DOES GOD WANT ME TO DO ?" and "HOW DOES GOD WANT ME TO BEHAVE ?". I have made a conscious decision to NOT be guilty of adding any fuel to the fire regarding the worsened relationships. Even though this has NOT fixed anything, I heave a sigh knowing that I haven't said or done anything deserving of their anger against me. I did feel a sense of abandonment by those I expected emotional support from, and learned NEVER again to "expect" that from ANYONE. I do continue to find that a particular Bible quote has helped me remain "together". It is from ISAIAH 26:3 and says,"THOU WILT KEEP HIM IN PERFECT PEACE, WHOSE MIND IS STAYED ON THEE." If our mind is filled with defeat thoughts, fear thoughts, resentments and the like, we are certainly in a state of mental unrest and turmoil and there can be no peace. If we fix our mind NOT upon our troubles and dissatisfactions, but control our minds to think on positive spiritual issues, GOD, etc..., for at least a few minutes a day, we find our being to be at peace, with eventual patience and hope. I wish you all the best and hope you can be extra kind to your grieving daughter in law despite troubles you mentioned. You really need each other now...and, obviously GOD wants it that way...for whatever reason. Perhaps you can see what your son loved in her as well.

Sep 04, 2011
so sorry
by: Anonymous

i lost my son to an accidental overdose on the 18th of june prectption medication from his doctor he was 41 just cant seem to get over this theres not much support im sorry u have to go through this to folf say it gets easier so far im finding it harder to deal with i dont know if thats because the shock has worn of and reality has hit in take care xxxx

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