My son , My friend

by Bee-lieve (Hope)

Richard, Rest in peace son <3

Richard, Rest in peace son <3

I still cant believe I am writing this!! I lost my oldest son Rick Jan2,2012 the day after his 42nd birthday from complications of juvenile diabetes. He was a loving person and raised 2 great boys on his own. Time after time they would settle in a home only for him to get sick and end up in the hospital. By the time he got out, they would be homeless and have to start all over again but he never gave up.He lived for his boy and his prayer was that he would live long enough to see them grown. He's oldest son 20 and the other son turned 19 the beginning of Dec... (grown).
Five years ago he caught a bad pneumonia, the Drs called the family together, but Rick pulled through. The ending results of the pneumonia was that it really broke down his body and it only went down from then. His kidneys shut down and he had to start dialysis, then he lost half of his foot because of an infection, he suffered from high blood pressure, MSRA (that he contracted during one of his many stays in the hospital), the infection eat 2 discs in his back and he had to have 2 back operations, and towards the end, 2 of his heart valves stopped working correctly.He was in severe pain and was nauseous from the meds that sometimes made him act and do things not normal for him. He was so thin I truly was afraid hes legs would break when he walked (he could only walk with a walker).
We almost lost him 3 more times but he always pulled through then in the early morning of his birthday (new Years day) I recieved a call from the hospital saying his heart had stopped but they were able to get it started again but that I needed to come. The Drs then told me there wasnt anything else they could do. They could keep him on the breathing machine and put him in a nursing home or unplug him and let him decide what he wanted to do. With a broken heart and tears in my eyes I decided to unplug him. He lasted about 40 minutes and then passed away. I worked full tme and took care of my son full time for 5 yrs and I would gladly have done it for the rest of mey life...IF.. he had not been in so much pain.Not only physically but mentaly also, he hated seeing life passing him by when he should of been out there living it.
I miss him SO much and my heart has a huge hole in it that will never be filled. I just can't imagine not being able to see his smile, hold his hand, or hear his voice again on this earth. I wake up every morning thinking I had a horrible nightmare.... only to realize its no dream!!
My son, my friend,is gone and I will never see him again here on earth.We experiance all kinds of loss, parents, siblings, friends, but a child (no matter their age) is the most seamingly unfair... We as parents are NOT suppose to out live our children.
I love you son............. see you in a twinkling of an eye <3

Comments for My son , My friend

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Feb 15, 2012
by: Catherine K

Hi, you were sweet to write to me to console me over my daughter Stephanie's death. I read your story tonight about your son Rick's passing and I am so sorry. He had a terrible time with his illness and they were the same age, our two precious children. I feel the terrible pain all the time and I am praying to God that it will become bearable someday.
You are in my prayers. They are both looking down on us now and in God's hands.
Love and deepest sympathy.

Feb 09, 2012
So True
by: carol,seans mom

I lost my oldest child and only son,Sean on November 15,2011. He went to bed one day and did not get up. We still wait 11 weeks later for final autopsy reports. All they told us in the hospital was about a blood clot sitting on his heart. I have such a big hole in mine now I think it landed on mine. He had so many things he was still excited about doing. He was only 24. He wanted children and use to talk of that often. Losing our sons is just unbearable some days. I have two daughters to hang in there for because honestly without them what is left. My children are my world and it crashed that day. I still cant believe it. My thoughts are with you and all of us here. May we all find some peace in our life.

Feb 08, 2012
by: Anonymous

Thank you for reaching out. It helps to talk to someone who truly understands. I somehow make it day by day.There are days I cant see going on with life and days I just feel like i'm only exsisting. My son was such a big part of my life, I miss him so much.

Feb 08, 2012
so sorry for your loss
by: Jen

I agree with you about the hole in your heart - my oldest son died 10/25/11 he was only 23yr old. I was shocked the night I got the call I was sure they made a mistake when they told me that he died from a heroin overdose. I knew my son possibly had the pre-disposition of addiction but I thought it was just alcohol and believed he would find his way. I had no idea about the drugs or that he had progressed to that point....the coroner said based on her findings he was in the experimental use and that's probably what killed him. Anyway, your story is so touching and the pain doesn't change when a mother looses a child - i find comfort in reading about people who understand how I's the worst pain ever and often cannot be put into words...somedays I don't know I can even go on but I do - plus I have three other children I have to live for :(. anyway, my email is if you ever want to chat.....thank you for your story! My heart is truly broken I haven't never felt such hurt and agony :(

Feb 08, 2012
by: Anonymous

be brave lady, your son knew how much you cared and wanted to help him. He would also know that sometimes that just isn't enough to make it right. Your pain will be so raw for a long time and will always be there somewhere but one day you'll find yourself smiling at something you remember about him and those days sort of gradually increase till the ache is less and the pain more bearable

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