My son , My friend

by Bee-lieve (Hope)
(TX)

I still cant believe I am writing this!! I lost my oldest son Rick Jan2,2012 the day after his 42nd birthday from complications of juvenile diabetes. He was a loving person and raised 2 great boys on his own. Time after time they would settle in a home only for him to get sick and end up in the hospital. By the time he got out, they would be homeless and have to start all over again but he never gave up.He lived for his boy and his prayer was that he would live long enough to see them grown. He's oldest son 20 and the other son turned 19 the beginning of Dec... (grown).
Five years ago he caught a bad pneumonia, the Drs called the family together, but Rick pulled through. The ending results of the pneumonia was that it really broke down his body and it only went down from then. His kidneys shut down and he had to start dialysis, then he lost half of his foot because of an infection, he suffered from high blood pressure, MSRA (that he contracted during one of his many stays in the hospital), the infection eat 2 discs in his back and he had to have 2 back operations, and towards the end, 2 of his heart valves stopped working correctly.He was in severe pain and was nauseous from the meds that sometimes made him act and do things not normal for him. He was so thin I truly was afraid hes legs would break when he walked (he could only walk with a walker).
We almost lost him 3 more times but he always pulled through then in the early morning of his birthday (new Years day) I recieved a call from the hospital saying his heart had stopped but they were able to get it started again but that I needed to come. The Drs then told me there wasnt anything else they could do. They could keep him on the breathing machine and put him in a nursing home or unplug him and let him decide what he wanted to do. With a broken heart and tears in my eyes I decided to unplug him. He lasted about 40 minutes and then passed away. I worked full tme and took care of my son full time for 5 yrs and I would gladly have done it for the rest of mey life...IF.. he had not been in so much pain.Not only physically but mentaly also, he hated seeing life passing him by when he should of been out there living it.
I miss him SO much and my heart has a huge hole in it that will never be filled. I just can't imagine not being able to see his smile, hold his hand, or hear his voice again on this earth. I wake up every morning thinking I had a horrible nightmare.... only to realize its no dream!!
My son, my friend,is gone and I will never see him again here on earth.We experiance all kinds of loss, parents, siblings, friends, but a child (no matter their age) is the most seamingly unfair... We as parents are NOT suppose to out live our children.
I love you son............. see you in a twinkling of an eye <3