My Son

by Carolyn Bailey
(Gary, In, USA)

On Dec 2,2011, I came in from work. My son lived next door and I was going to cook chili. He asked how long it would be.It was 8;30, I told him about 10:00. He came back at about 10:15,got his chili and little did I know that would be the last I saw of my child. He went to work days the next morning and I leave at 10:30am going to my job. The next thing I knew I was getting a page at about 4:40pm to come upstairs from my job. It was my oldest son, coming to tell me my youngest son had been shot. When I got to the hospital, he had been taken to surgery. He didn't make it . I never saw him again alive. I cannot stop crying. I hurt so much. I am in so much pain. I need help bad. I don't know what to do. I cannot accept any of this. There is no one to talk to. People who have not lost one child tell you, you have move on. That it will get better. How do they know what I am feeling. I don't feel like moving on. I'm still at Dec. 3rd at about 5;30 when they told me he didn't make it. I am angry and I am hurt. How could God allow this much pain on a dedicated mother. I don't want to move on. Sure I have another son and grandchildren, but I want that son,too.

Comments for My Son

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Apr 12, 2012
understanding your loss
by: Cathy

Carolyn hi, this is angel brandons mom, i lost my son of a massive heart attack on 18th October 2011,i know how it is even though you have other children you miss the one who left you very badly, He was my eldest and those who have not lost a child will never understand your pain it is very easy for them to talk but the one who has gone through understands you, what can we do even i want my son back but it is just not possible and it took me so long to come to terms with it. Now even as i m writing this i m crying i can hear him talking to me walking about in the house coming and going out and i miss his smile the most he really was my angel, just by looking at him i would be so happy but we will never be the same person we used to be before that is for sure, our smiles are gone forever. Lets pray for each other for god to give us strength to go on with life till we can be with them one day. Take care.

Jan 25, 2012
So Sorry
by: Linda

I have no magical words for for you. I am crying as if it were my own son. I pray it will not ever be my own son, one day. I am so sorry. Your son's life, and how he loved you, he'd want you to live in peace. I wish you peace, I wish you love, I wish you justice. *hugs* Mamacita

Jan 23, 2012
My precious daughter was murdered
by: Carla

Heather was my oldest daughter. I only had 2 children. Heather was 29yrs old and was beautiful and full of love. We found her body after it had been out in the Texas heat for 11 days. It has been a year and a half and I still miss work, can't sleep, and just put one foot in front of the other. I know how you feel losing your son. You do have anger and that is very normal. I may not be a good example for you because my grief process is moving very slowly. I can laugh some days but I love talking about Heather and what a wonderful person she was. I would not have believed this if someone else had told me, but I have had definite signs from her assuring me she is ok. Not voices, but things that have happened to me on special days when she would have known how tremendous my grief would be.

I hope you find peace someday with losing your son and I wish I could give you a big hug from been there done that.

Jan 23, 2012
So sorry
by: Anonymous

I'm so so sorry for you! My 23 year old son died on 12-4-2010. For several months after, I felt the same as you do. Maybe this will help?? I found people to talk to at a Christian Grief group. (Actually a friend told me about it) It helped more than anything else. I tried my group health but they were AWFUL!!! Search it out, search hard, call all the churches, call all your friends far and wide. You'll find something. It can make a huge difference. When you are sitting in a room full of other people who have experienced losses greater and less than yours, you know you are not alone. Then hearing what the Lord says about Heaven and all that will help to ease your heart. God bless you.

Jan 23, 2012
I feel your pain
by: Carol,Seans mom

Carolyn. I know your pain and it is brutal. My 24 year old son died in his sleep or he did not wake up and our nightmare began. I was a very dedicated mom and lived for my three children. Sean was the oldest of three and my only son. He was hansome and could come across like he wanted to me tough but he was not. Sean liked to please people and wanted everyone to be ok. Just like me. I have no idea where we go from here. It is a living nightmare. People that think you should be on are the people you should move away from. They dont get it. I have changed drastically over the last two months. I am figuring out who I really need to be around. Stay close to your family and other children. Be there for each other. Talk to us moms that know the pain and have not yet figured out what to do with it. My thoughts are with you. Stay strong

Jan 23, 2012
he died at 24
by: Anonymous

my son was twenty four years old and was in a horrible accident 5 years ago...he and his best friend were back seat passengers the girls in the front seat of the lexus tested the limits of the car until it reached 130 miles an went out of control killing my sons best son was so damaged they thought he would not make it ...after 13 days at the hospital and three months later he began to walk but was never the same ...he had a baseball scholarship and lost it..lost his high paying job and lost himself that terrible morning after heavy does of pain killers he became addicted and he is a type one brittle diabetic...he was the one child in my life I always loved no matter what but this sept. 1 he died at the Phoenix house rehab...they did not know how to take care of a brittle and my husband are stuck...i don't sleep much i cry eveyday sometimes 3 to 5 hours at a time i look at his empty clothes and shoes and it is like he was never there..i don't like living anymore and life is not fun..he made life fun even though he had so many problems ...he even told the counselor he would live with us until he was 40...he loved us and we loved him so much...he was an unusual child like a man in a boys body...writing this does not help me but I want the story of my sons life told...I dont know why he was taken away...I want him at peace but I want him here too....

Jan 23, 2012
God will help you
by: Anonymous

My dear, no mother should have to bury a child, just give yourself time, cry as much as you can, and every day remember him, he is with God and they both will look after you. Just give time a chance to heal you, if you move on it does not mean you have forgot him, in any case you are honoring him, because, if he was physically here, he will not want to see you suffering like this. I takes time, but it will get better if you let time do his thing. Take refuge in your faith and family, remember your other son is suffering a loss too and everybody grieves differently. God will be with you every step of the way.

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