My son

My 37 year old son died on January 8th just about a month ago. He had a long history of alcohol abuse and recently had begun to use heroin. He had entered rehab on the day of his death and they sent him to a local ER for assessment. While in the Emergency Room he was found to be in cardiac arrest and was unable to be resuscitated. I have to admit I don't know how I am supposed to feel. I am trying to go back to work (unfortunately I work for the same hospital as where he died) but I can't focus and get so very tired I have to leave and go home. I am trying to manage hour by hour but I think I am expecting too much from myself. Any support would be appreciated.

Comments for My son

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Feb 15, 2014
Forgive yourself
by: Pat

I believe you are being easy to hard on yourself. The death of a child is like no other and something we never get over. We just learn how top cope with it. My son Tony died over five years ago. The grief can still be overwhelming at times. Tony also brought me flowers on valentines, Christmas and my birthday. This year my daughter brought me tulips (my favorite flowers) saying she remembered me saying that Tony would bring them to me. It was bittersweet. I was happy she brought them and thought of me but sad that Tony couldn't do it. Give yourself all the tiime you need, no matter what others may say to you. My soon was addicted to prescription pills and had used heroin too. He died of an overdose in Nov. 2008. Thanksgiving day. Nine days after his 29th birthday. My email is pat 1959 rn @ gmail.com. Feel free to write anytime. They have been a lifesaver to me. Hugs and prayers to you.

Feb 14, 2014
My son
by: Anonymous

He always left me flowers on Valentines Day.. Such a sad day.

Feb 12, 2014
My daughter Crystal age 29 od heroin
by: Doreen UK

Jen I am sorry for your loss of your daughter. You are right about this world not being our home and we are only here for a short time. BUT. The earth claimed your daughter. Heroin is an almost impossible drug to overcome and come back from. You are a mom and no matter what and how you believe, you will go through the pain and hurt of grief. You will have God to sustain and Comfort you. Hold on to God and seek his comfort every minute of the day otherwise this pain will seem as if it will overcome you.
The devil is out to claim children/adult children. Many times it feels as if he is winning and I have to CRY out to God WHY?. We are all tired of living in this world of sorrow and sin and we want to go Home to be with our Lord. My heart is breaking for all the people in this world who are losing loved ones at a faster rate than one can cope with. Hold on to HOPE. Seek God to carry you through this pain of grief. I am sorry for your loss.

Feb 12, 2014
my daughter Crystal age 29 heroin od
by: Jen

My baby died only 3 weeks ago. I have a strong faith and I know this is not our home or our final destination but I want her back. She was found in her apartment by the man she was living with who was 30 years older and had left his wife thinking my daughter was going to marry him. All she wanted was someone to pay for her dope. She was a wonderful, sweet, precious and beautiful girl when she was sober but when she drugged and drank evil took her over. We had seen one another 2 months before and she actually had a decent conversation with me and made me a cup of tea. Her place was a pig sty though and I wasn't secure. Since she was 15 I was never secure. She was raped at age 14 by her older sister's friend the week her Dad had been run over by someone on his motorcycle and was in a coma in ICU. Circumstances were too much for her to bear. My grandson was born detoxing from Xanax that doctors prescribed. They were afraid she would use again so they gave her everything else. There is no one to blame. No one but the devil. He hates us and wants us to blame God. I know better. I miss her so much and want her back. I hope I can go with her soon.

Feb 10, 2014
Anne Marie
by: Anonymous

Thank you Anne Marie. I like what you said about letting the world go by without me. I will try. My best to you all and thank you for your support.

Kay

Feb 08, 2014
My son
by: Anne Marie Diom

First, I am so sorry for the loss of your son. My daughter, Katie, died on 9/4/13 and it's been **ll, especially getting through the holidays. You need to take some time off and heal. The hospital has an FMLA policy which means that you can take time off & hopefully you live in a TDI state where you will receive income from the TDI (temporary disability). You need time to sleep and grieve and not worry about your job. I also work at a hospital and felt pressured to come back but I just could not do it until after 3 months and even that was too soon. This is a life changing event and you need time to heal.

At first I thought I was going crazy. I have had to leave stores because I saw something she liked. Grief is a roller coaster of emotions as I have found out from my counselor. After too many meltdowns I called the EAP (Employee Assistance Program) people that my hospital uses and I go to counseling every week. So does my grand daughter and my other daughter, Jen. You need to take care of you and let the world just go by without you. Sleep is a way of healing. Every day is a struggle to get out of bed, get dressed and go to work. I have been forever changed and please do not listen to people who give you platitudes like He is in a better place or God does not give you more than you can handle. They can say that when their child is dead! I will pray for you that you get through this as I an now 5 months into this and the first months were the worst. I am trying to get balance in my life as I have another daughter and 3 beautiful grand daughters that I have to be strong/resilient for. I like resilient better. I feel your pain. Anne Marie

Feb 08, 2014
Thank you
by: Anonymous

Thank you for your support and kind words. It helps to know that what I am going through is as normal as normal can be.

Feb 08, 2014
My son
by: Doreen UK

I am sorry for your loss of your 37yrs. old son to a premature death.
You are trying so hard to cope. Don't have high expectations and try to be brave. You have lost a child/Adult child. The worst experience of a mom's life. You are juggling grief and a job and trying to meet the expectations of a working life. Perhaps you can take time out of work on compassionate leave. If not. Wait till you have your next vacation/leave. Take this time to nurture yourself with good things to build yourself up. You will cope with your grief better if you have nurtured your self esteem which suffers from a loss. None of us knows what to expect from grief and how we will be affected by it. But we will all MOURN our loss for a long time. Losing a Child is the hardest grief to bear. If you have family and friends, then reach out to them for support. Don't pretend you are doing well because they expect this of you. You can also get in a grief group with likeminded people who will support you and you support them in time. You can also see a grief counsellor if you find yourself struggling. You will eventually in time recover from grief but the healing is a slow process and many of us feel like giving up because the grief journey is so hard on some days. But taking one day at a time helps one move forward better. I am sorry for your loss and hope you receive the right support where you are and also on this site if you visit here you will find comfort from other postings.

Feb 07, 2014
Your son
by: Kate

How my heart feels so you! You are surely in the shock stage where you don't even know how to feel or how to go on. It is such a hard journey. No mother wants to be on it. My son died
Nov 2012 and my heart is still broken. I still cry and beg God to help me through each day. He was an alcoholic but rarely did drugs but that night did coke with an old friend and died from the mix! Oh my God, our family was and is devastated. We continue to try and accept this horrid reality. The first year I was in shock so much and the second year it is more real,harder it seems. I am truly so sorry for your loss as no mother should have to know this sorrow,pain and hurt ! My heart is with you.

Feb 07, 2014
Your son
by: Anonymous

My son died last spring from an addiction (heroin). He was to start rehab the following week. From the date of his death April 22nd, 2013 until his service May 11th, I could do nothing. You have things to do, and you just do that. I kept thinking I have to go back to work, and it seems impossible. I did return within a month, but it was hard. And for many months, it was hard to concentrate. On the days I was home alone I would do a lot of crying. I remember cleaning out his room, and each thing I touched made me cry. Its terribly hard. But cry, find someone to talk to, and when you can, get busy with something. As the months move by it'll get a little easier. Although at six months, I was still pretty emotional. Birthdays, holidays, just aren't that fun. Its too bad they had this disease called addiction, because its killing our children. It changes the chemistry in their heads and takes over, until they just can't function normally in this world. Oh how I wished there would have been a magic pill that would have helped them. Maybe some day there will be, but too late for our son's. We'll always miss them, always love them, and unfortunately always wish we could have helped them, but I'd like to say, I tried. Its hard, but we have to keep on living, because we don't have a choice. I couldn't put this misery on someone else. So live for others, and hope that as the years go by, we can find some peace and happiness.

Feb 07, 2014
My son
by: Martha

So sorry to hear of the tragic loss of your son. My oldest son died at age 35 of suicide on 6/29/2013. He was very successful, a young architect who had just made partner, newly married but obviously very depressed. I know where you are at and it is not a good place to be. If you can afford it, you really need to take some time off. I also work in the medical field and I took a few weeks off but had to go back to work and it was too soon. There is a long grieving process. 8 months out, I feel better sometimes but there is an overwhelming sadness and loss that invades my thoughts now and then. The best advice I can give you is to allow the folks closest to you to help you through this. Lean on them for support. No one can make it easier for you, I wish I could. Losing a child of any age is the worst thing that can happen to a parent...You are in my thoughts and prayers. You are numb yet but things will get better, it will just take time. God bless you. Another Mom missing her son..I attended some support groups which did help, try Compassionate Friends; they are very good and are located in most cities....

Feb 06, 2014
My son
by: Michelle

My 22 year old daughter died january 8th 2013. I'm sitting here watching practical magic, one of our favorite movies and I was just going back to those days and months just after my life came to an end and how exhausted I was. Mentally drained from crying 20 out of 24 hours a day and trying to figure out how to stand upright and breath. I would walk around the house saying how tired I was. I'm still tired. Tired of living. I still cry. Do what you must, it's a long road to travel.
Sandra just set another spell and left a leaf go up into the clear night sky to bring back her love. How I wish I could do the same and bring my Megan back

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