My Sophies Choice
Nearly four months ago my daughter attempted suicide. It was a miracle she lived. She said it was because her father had pushed her too hard and she finally disassociated and tried to kill herself. Before that, she was self harming and had bulimia, which she is now in recovery and has not done so since. Her father and I have been married for twenty years (she's sixteen) and he has not been in the house since her attempt. She refuses to see him and says she won't for the rest of high school (18 months), because she does not feel safe. Our home was happy and sad, because of our different personalities, he was very emotional and had anger issues, I suppressed my feelings, and so she learned to suppress hers. That's why she started self harming. So, now, I am facing divorce from my husband, although I love him, because I have to choose her life over his. It's the only thing I can do. But it hurts like hell. And I'm so sad about all the good things we had in our family, all the great memories, which have been destroyed by the anger and hurt. It helps to write this down, knowing that other people will read this, because it makes the choice obvious. I let him go, and help my daughter become the wonderful person she has the right and opportunity to be. I have my "second chance" to support her. He will say that she is manipulating me, and that she is responsible for our marriage breaking up. I have to say that it is my decision. And I have to make that decision now. Is she manipulating me? Or, am I making the right choice as a Mother must.