My soul mate and my heart
My husband passed away from a Pulmonary embolism a month ago. We fell in love the day we met and we have been together from being shy of 3 years. I have never suffered such a pain in my life. It feels like my heart is gasping for air as well. My chest is always tightened. I wait for the kids to go to school and then I just look at his picture and cry, cry out to God and crying out to him.
This man was my second husband and he was and still is everything to my children. My 12 year old daughter cries for him daily that she wants her daddy back.
My husband is a christian so I know he is in heaven. As time goes by, I am starting not to feel his presence. I don't want that because I want to hold on to every memory every touch, every sound of his voice.
I had been off work for medical reasons and know I can't function.
Cornelius is my life, my soul mate and my best friend. He made me and the kids feel safe and loved. Someone told me this pain will get easier with time. I feel like there is no end. If this is how hell feels like then I feel I am there right now but without the sulfur and fire. But just a piercing and stabbing of a knife through my chest.
I keep telling myself that I can function but I'm not functioning. I lay in bed crying all day. I wait for my kids to go to bed and then I cry some more. I cry till not tears are coming out.
My Cornelius made me feel loved. I saw myself like God sees me through Cornelius's eyes. My daughter who felt abandoned by her biological father, felt loved again and never left his side. Even when we're sleeping she would crawl in bed and be in the middle so she can cuddle up with her dad.
She cling to every word he says. She always brag about her daddy. I can't take this pain, whoever says a divorce is more painful than a death of a spouse is lying. I miss my soul mate. I miss my love.