My Soul Mate & Best Friend

by Patricia
(Florida)

My life certainly changed the morning of December 23rd., 2013, the day my Soul Mate, Best Friend, & Husband passed away in my arms.
He was diagnosed in 2006 with Vascular Dementia, what a thing to learn.
The next 7yrs. of his journey were not bad at times, but very difficult near the end. To slowly lose someone who has been beside you for 43yrs. is devastating. To hear him say one day "I don't know how to say this, but, I am not sure who you are", to say I was hurt beyond belief would be a mild reaction to what I felt. I then re-thought the words he said, and came to realize he may not know who I am, but he feels safe and close to me, that eased up the hurt. I said "who do you think I am?" he said Mom, and I told him if wanted to call me Mom that was just fine. In time I more or less did become his Mom regarding his care.
I will never get over my loss of the most important, and most loved person in my life.
I know I must try to find a purpose in life that will not take his place, or fill my heart, but at least give me something more to do than grieve.

Comments for My Soul Mate & Best Friend

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May 21, 2014
thank you
by: wai

thank you for sharing your own journeys. i can't imagine your loss, pain and gradual gaining back some normalcy in your life. i am losing not a spouse, but my housemate/best friend/mentor/soul mate. She has been ill for 3.5 years having being diagnosed with cancer. She now lives in a hospice while i move back to my parents' place. i am not crushed but the current pain since feb 23 hss been intense. i am grateful/humbled to read your stories. thank you for sharing. it brings me comfort. regards from Singapore

Feb 26, 2014
My Soul Mate & Best Friend
by: Doreen UK

Patricia I am so sorry for your loss of your beloved husband of 43yrs. to a slow illness that claimed his life.
I lost my beloved husband of 44yrs. 21 months ago to a deadly cancer tumour growing inside the lining of his lungs for 40yrs. As a young man he cut asbestos and the fibres cling to the lining of the lung making this an incurable, inoperable, aggressive lung cancer called MESOTHELIOMA. I was his caregiver for 3yrs. 39days before he died. May 5th 2012. The ALONENESS is like a slow death. It is not easy to have to re-structure one's life so late in our lifetime. Take one day at a time. Don't focus so much on trying to find a purpose in life. It will come in time. First grieve by crying all you need to whenever this happens. You will be healing. This healing may go on from months to years. Now is not the time to make vast changes in your life. I read on this site that one should wait at least 2yrs. Good advice. I made some decisions before this and they were expensive decisions, I can't undo. The big one is always whether one should downsize the home, to make the bills easier and lighter. I put money in to this house in repairs I won't get back so I am stuck. I have so much to do around the home but have lost my motivation. You may also find things you can't do and things you can. This is how grief makes one feel. WE all on this site know the stage you are at and how you will feel in the months ahead. But just knowing that in time you will be able to move forward gives one Hope to carry on living. May God comfort you in your loss and give you strength in the months ahead to endure this sorrow.

Feb 25, 2014
Deepest sympathy
by: Lawrence

Patricia,
What an incredibly sad story, I am so full of admiration at the way you coped with this nightmare you have been through.
It’s such early days since your beloved husband died and the agony and grief you are suffering will be unbearable and you must do what we all do in these circumstances that is to cry, cry and cry until you feel you have no more tears left, but believe me there are still plenty, it’s nature’s of helping you heal from your terrible loss.
My beautiful wife died on Christmas Day 2012 suddenly in my arms and I still find myself sobbing at something on the TV or reading a sad book or for no reason at all, just that I miss her like crazy and the house is so empty without her smell, laugh and love.
You say that you must find a purpose in life that will not take his place or fill your heart; well I must tell you gently, “stop looking” all you can do is try to fill your days.
I have an almost frantic life to escape from my own grief; I have joined a bridge club and am learning this most complicated card game which occupies my mind.
I am having violin lessons at the tender age of eighty five, as I stopped when I was fifteen after seeing this beautiful fourteen year old girl at our youth club and knew I would much prefer to hold her than my violin any day, it was the best decision I have ever made and we spent the next nearly seventy years in absolute bliss.
After she died I took my violin out of its case, dusted it down and started playing again, I practice for many hours each evening but still feel the ache in my heart for my cherished and so deeply missed sweetheart.
What I am saying is, keep busy, get out of the house, do anything but stay and weep, it will still be there when you return, empty and lonely.
You have joined a web site of people who also have lost someone very precious and are grieving like yourself, so read all the contributions and find you are not alone and perhaps you can get some comfort and solace from them, I certainly did when I didn’t want to live after my lovely wife died.
With deepest sympathy.
Lawrence


Feb 25, 2014
Loss of Soul mate
by: Judith in California

Dear Patricia, you are at a place many of us are. Those of us who were caregivers to our mates before they passed felt a loss long before they actually left us. We began grieving our loss much earlier with every thing they could no longer do or say and everythiig that diminished us as couples.

I feel your sadness and am sorry for your loss. I wish I could tell you it get's better but all I can tell you is that you will go on but a little sadder inside. No one or thing can replace the void you have deep inside. It's been 3 1/2 years for me.

Take care Patricia. May God give you the strength to endure the pain you are feeling.

Feb 24, 2014
soul mate and best friend
by: Anonymous--MI

Patricia, as I read your words of the passing of your husband and best friend, my heart ached for you. I am so sad for you and sad for all we on this site who have lost a loved one. Your love for your dear husband is so apparent and true. You show such love for him in speaking of his illness and your loss. My husband died in Nov 2012 and my world has been spinning, seemingly out of control, since he died of SCA. Unlike the death of your husband--taking its toll over years, my husband died suddenly and I was in total shock--and sometimes I think I still am. It has been 15 mons for me on this road of sorrow. What has helped me to face another day is my grown children and gr-kids; my family and God is ever present help in times of trouble. God is my assurance that I will see my husband again in Heaven; he was a good man who lived for the Lord and I live as best I can the same way--for the Lord and His great mercy. I try to keep busy--it was hard at first to make myself do things but I found that working in my home and doing yard work-anything-- has helped me greatly. It gives me a sense of purpose. The grief is with me all the time; I call grief my constant companion--always with me each and every day. But, then most importantly God is with me also. While my sadness has not left me I still am secure in the knowledge that God will lead me on the right path. I pray for peace and comfort from God for you.

Feb 24, 2014
soul mae and best friend
by: Anonymous---MI

Patricia, as I read your words of the passing of your husband and best friend, my heart ached for you. I am so sad for you and sad for all we on this site who have lost a loved one. Your love for your dear husband is so apparent and true. You show such love for him in speaking of his illness and your loss. My husband died in Nov 2012 and my world has been spinning, seemingly out of control, since he died of SCA. Unlike the death of your husband--taking its toll over years, my husband died suddenly and I was in total shock--and sometimes I think I still am. It has been 15 mons for me on this road of sorrow. What has helped me to face another day is my grown children and grkids; my family and God is ever present help in times of trouble. God is my assurance that I will see my husband again in Heaven; he was a good man who lived for the Lord and I live as best I can the same way--for the Lord and His great mercy. I try to keep busy--it was hard at first to make myself do things but I found that working in my home and doing yard work-anything-- has helped me greatly. It gives me a sense of purpose. The grief is with me all the time; I call grief my constant companion--always with me each and every day. But, then most importantly God is with me also. While my sadness has not left me I still am secure in the knowledge that God will lead me on the right path. I pray for peace and comfort from God for you.

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