My Soul Mate Gone...How do I go on?
My husband of 12 years passed away March 2012. His name was Patrick and he truly was my soul mate and my best friend. It feels like yesterday that he left me here all alone. Since his death, I have tried to go out and do new things such as travel and try work out classes. It has seemed that I am being punished for something I did in my past. I lost Pat and then I get sick for months with a stomach illness. I recovered from the illness and had to change my diet. I then go traveling to try and come to terms with my lose and I get a Blood clot in my leg. This is my second blood clot in my life. The first one almost took my life but I chose to stay because I did not want to leave Pat all alone.
Everyone has said I am so strong but I sometimes feel as thin as paper. I miss Patrick so very much. I miss his smiles,his laugh, his kisses, his lectures and his hugs. My family lives thousands of miles away but I do have wonderful friends but as you may know it is never the same. I just miss my heart and soul. I read once that your soul mate is suppose to be in your life briefly, because they have the ability to be a mirror so that you can see your faults and change them to become a better person. Before I meet Patrick, I was very shy and was working in a dead end job. Patrick always told me I was beautiful and was the smartest person he knew. He encouraged me to take courses to do the job I enjoy!
I am a better person since I meet Patrick. I am more confident in my job and realize that I am a very intelligent person. I don't feel as beautiful because I don't have him to let me know I am. I miss him so very much. It is lonely here in this big world without him. I am not sure what to do now? I know I have to go on but it is so very lonely and hard.