My Soul Mate Gone...How do I go on?

by Cindy
(Calgary, Canada)

My husband of 12 years passed away March 2012. His name was Patrick and he truly was my soul mate and my best friend. It feels like yesterday that he left me here all alone. Since his death, I have tried to go out and do new things such as travel and try work out classes. It has seemed that I am being punished for something I did in my past. I lost Pat and then I get sick for months with a stomach illness. I recovered from the illness and had to change my diet. I then go traveling to try and come to terms with my lose and I get a Blood clot in my leg. This is my second blood clot in my life. The first one almost took my life but I chose to stay because I did not want to leave Pat all alone.

Everyone has said I am so strong but I sometimes feel as thin as paper. I miss Patrick so very much. I miss his smiles,his laugh, his kisses, his lectures and his hugs. My family lives thousands of miles away but I do have wonderful friends but as you may know it is never the same. I just miss my heart and soul. I read once that your soul mate is suppose to be in your life briefly, because they have the ability to be a mirror so that you can see your faults and change them to become a better person. Before I meet Patrick, I was very shy and was working in a dead end job. Patrick always told me I was beautiful and was the smartest person he knew. He encouraged me to take courses to do the job I enjoy!

I am a better person since I meet Patrick. I am more confident in my job and realize that I am a very intelligent person. I don't feel as beautiful because I don't have him to let me know I am. I miss him so very much. It is lonely here in this big world without him. I am not sure what to do now? I know I have to go on but it is so very lonely and hard.

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Dec 18, 2012
My Soul Mate Gone....How do I go on?
by: Cindy

Thank you Doreen. I try to just live day by day and not look to far ahead. I am healing but like you said it will take time. Patrick died so quickly and he was young. I think for me that was the hardest. He had so much more living to do. I am glad that we have this site and talk here to others who are going through the same grief. I am sorry you lost your husband and soul mate. I just keep telling myself I was very blessed to have Pat for the years I had him and I always remember the gift he was to my life. If you ever need to talk, just let me know. It is a big world and it is scary but it does help knowing that others are out there that understand.

Dec 18, 2012
My Soul Mate Gone.....How do I go on?
by: Doreen U.K.

Cindy I am so sorry for your loss of your husband of 12yrs. 9 months ago. I lost my husband of 44yrs. to cancer 7 months ago and for both of us we have been left in this big world without our beloved soul mate.
My husband felt as if he was being punished for something he did in life which is why He had an incurable and inoperable cancer and knew he was going to die. You say you felt the same way. In that case there is no human being that hasn't done something wrong in life to be punished for. Life doesn't work that way. It is difficult when you lose someone that has encouraged you in life and helped you to move forward in life in the way you need to. You can still go on to maintain your self esteem and keep Patrick's spirit alive in you. I feel very unsafe and unprotected since I lost my husband. I always felt safe and protected when he was alive. I guess it is the same for you. WE somehow manage to find the strength within ourselves to go on in life and do what we need to do. Some days I lose my MOTIVATION to do anything and so I don't do anything if I am not able to. There is nothing worse than forcing yourself to do things that are difficult now. Just wait till you are able to tackle what needs to be done. Try and keep a journal and write letter to your husband. You can tell him how your day is and how much he meant to you, and how you feel since you lost him. You will be getting this grief out of your system and be able to move forward quicker. It is very difficult now trying to process how to move on from our loss. I feel as if the heart and soul has gone out of the home since I lost my husband. We can only go on one day at a time. Don't look too far ahead otherwise our grief will swallow us up. Because your family is thousands of miles away this will make it difficult for you to be supported. You will need a lot of care in order to recover and move forward from your loss. I hope that life will get better for you in the days ahead and that you will feel happier in time.

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