My soul mate

by seana
(usa)


My mom died from cancer four years ago. I was with her through every part. My father and myself were her caregivers. She went through the various treatments only to have died a month after the last day of radiation. We only had eight days to come to "terms" with her dying before she was gone. Even though I re-live the night she died frequently and still can even feel how I felt when I watched her die, I would't give up that experience for anything. Other then having her back. I have read countless books on what happens when you die, and I whole heartily believe that my mother was my soul mate. Not in the romantic term, but something much stronger. To say she was my best friend doesn't do our relationship justice. I still feel very lost and very lonley. Saying that makes me feel extreme guilt because I have a wonderful husband and very close family, but it's true. I have always been a very strong and grounded person, so of course in terms of work and everyday life I am doing very well. I know she would be extremely proud of me. Saying that, I am still completely heart broken and have an empty void. I would be lying if I didn't say that most days are better after 4 years, but the pain is still there underneath and very real.
Well that about sums it up I guess. Thankyou fore the outlet to vent.

Comments for My soul mate

Click here to add your own comments

Aug 04, 2014
Mother/Daughter Soul mate
by: Jen

I truly believe my mother was my soul mate too. I lost her December 9th, 2011 to suicide. Life hasn't been the same without her. I feel as though I am now just one part of a whole. The pain is indescribable. Our relationship when she was alive was beyond the typical mother/daughter relationship and I have never felt that anyone other than my mom truly understands me. I'm sorry to hear that you lost your mom and soul mate. I can empathize although the situations are quite different, the pain is similar...

Many blessings...

Jen

Nov 08, 2013
i lost my mother, my best friend & my soul mate.
by: raven

i lost my beloved mother in 2011 and she was not only my mother, she was my best friend and my soul mate too.

i was with her for the last 4 days of her life and watched her suffer and draw her last breath. she remained asleep for the last 3 days but i knew she felt pain, and still have no idea if she heard me sing, read to her, say bible passages, tell her how much i loved her, and in general will never know if she heard me and knew i was with her until the end when she drew her last breath.

i know one thing and that for me is i will never ever recover from losing her. never recover. each day and night is filled and racked with a tsunami of tears, and with such a deep endless void and longing to be with her again, which is completely unbearable and indescribable. it shatters your heart over and over again and robs one of its ability to breathe. it is devastating and continuous. no amount of group or individual expensive grief counseling has helped. i was told we grieve according to how deeply we loved....i believe that now. my love for my mom was infinite so as long as i continue to live on this earthly plane, my grief will be never ending and all consuming.

the only thing i look forward to now being the sole survivor of my large family is to close my eyes in earthly death and reopen them in reunited everlasting life with my beloved mother, and all my beloved family members.

father time stole the beating hearts of my loved ones, but he cannot touch their souls which remain alive awaiting me in my final journey, because i believe when one earthly door closes and we pass through it, another door opens into eternal everlasting life.

may those who grieve eventually find their loved ones again and then really know true joy of being reunited forever in God's Heavenly Kingdom all made possible by believing in his son Jesus Christ his.

Apr 07, 2013
I agree
by: Anonymous

My Mum died 6 years ago, and I still miss her all day, every day. She died of a Melenoma. It was very, very painful. My wonderful Dad and I cared for her and were with her till the very end. I also cope with working and general day to day life.But I just miss her so much all the time.

Mar 19, 2013
broken heart, soul & spirit
by: Broken

I read your post... I am struggling with this while my mom is still alive. Back in April of 2010 I drove from AZ to TX to take my mom to doctor appt and this is when I realized that my mom was deteriorating.

In 2010 they had started giving her depression medication, as well as the other stuff listed.

From 2004 till now she has lost about 80lbs and it seems she is getting alzheimers or dementia.

This all started around 2004 when she got a really bad seizure, never had one before but it was one where she was convulsing. She had another one several months later and she went to doctor.

They performed head scans and sleep test and said she stopped breathing while sleeping and required cpap. They also started her on seizure medication, after she all of a sudden started having absent seizures, where she would fiddle her thumbs or chomp her teeth for a minute or less and didn't realize this.

Well when I started paying attention in 2010 I moved back to TX and lived with her for about 3 months and got all her medical information. Back in 2004 they started giving her cholesterol medication, I don't know if this started the seizures but from research, this medication is very harsh.

Also, the sleep test they did showed negligible but they still had her wear cpap, which she did for a couple of years. That made no sense since it was negligible...

Well, to me it just seemed like they just kept giving her medication and not really addressing the real issue which could have been the cholesterol medication.

Anyway, I moved away at the end of 2011 because I couldn't handle seeing my mom or maybe I am a gutless pos...

I have been living on credit cards and have lost all interest in doing something with my life. I want to lay in bed all the time and don't care about anything anymore.

It's like when a husband loses a wife of vice versa and they just go downhill... I am deteriorating right along with my mom. I have cried more tears than ever in my lifetime and this broken me cannot be healed.

Nov 16, 2012
Thank you from me too
by: Anonymous

Dear Seana

You said 'thank you for the outlet to vent', and I would like to say thank you sincerely for coming here to vent. When I clicked on your page and I saw the beautiful picture you posted, I knew immediately that your words would be positive and inspiring. Thank you so much. I feel uplifted.

I would like you to know in particular that I truly appreciate what you wrote about being with your Mum as she departed, and I appreciate the fact that you perceive it as a privilege. I could not be with my Mum in physical form because I live many miles away, yet I know that we were together on a higher plane. It is seven weeks since Mum passed and my younger sister was with her. I do not know yet how my sister feels about it exactly, but I hope that one day I will be able to send her a link to your post. I know that it will help her to understand the singular privilege of being there with Mum in her last hour.

As for my own part of the experience, I will not attempt to describe it because words can only serve to diminish it. However, I know that my mother, myself, and my sister were bonded by that moment and I am eternally grateful.

Thank you very much for coming to vent and for strengthening my convictions. Beyond a doubt, and beyond any other relationships which I have on this earth, my Mum is my soulmate. I know that I will find her again, and I know that you will find your soulmate again, too.

Nov 16, 2012
thank you for sharing
by: Anonymous

dear seanna,
I read your post and what you call venting has come to me as a blessing.Its been a year for me and I can relate to you almost through every sentence. Thank you for making me feel accompanied through my sorrow.

Click here to add your own comments

Return to Lost Moms.

[?]Subscribe To This Site
  • XML RSS
  • follow us in feedly
  • Add to My Yahoo!
  • Add to My MSN
  • Subscribe with Bloglines

RSS Feed Widget
->


 POPULAR
  RESOURCES


Tap into the compassion, support and wisdom of the

GRIEF CLUB


Essential Healing Guide

Grief Relief
Program

Free Griefwork
E-Course

Free Stress
Management
E-Course



SBI Video Tour!