I know this sounds cliche, but I truly know (can't even say feel or believe) that he's my soulmate. We were together years ago, and I broke things off due to circumstances that had nothing to do with him personally, but things that were out of anybody's control. I will not touch those issues here because they are not important to the story. Long story short- I reconnected with him after 10 years. I apologizes profusely. During those ten years I thought about him a lot. We both told each other how we had never left one another's hearts. We both had saved every thing we had given each other. Pictures, little notes... everything! He told me he'd met enough people to know this was special. It was a miracle from the universe that I had come back into his life. He had been sad and confused at our parting way back. I had never left his heart. Nor he mine.
All was going so well. Then, he found out that I cannot (for medical reasons) have children. He suddenly changed. He went back and forth, but he finally broke things off. This was three years ago. I was devastated. I've never cried so much in my life.
Even after my mom passed, it didn't hurt like this. And that was a terribly difficult thing.
My therapist could not believe that he broke things off for this reason. He wrote me a letter/email saying that I still held a special place in his heart. And he ended it by saying that no matter what happened, I would always be in his heart. However the gist of the letter was that he wanted biological children and this was the "deal breaker". Now, mind you he was 45 at the time and I was 43.
No one who knows us can believe that he'd leave with all that we had in common. It was uncanny our commonalities. He even called our deep connection rare.
Now I find that he has a personal ad out there saying that he's looking for someone under "42" who is open to having children. He's 48 now. It seems unfair and selfish.
For my part, I have a new boyfriend. I do love him, but it's not the same.
I feel like there has not been proper closure with my ex.
I guess I've "moved on" somewhat. I am more content and I don't cry constantly, but I still dream of him. And I must say that nobody who has been in my life compares to the feelings and connection I had with him. He even told me the same.
I wish that there was something I did wrong. I can't stand that he left because of something I have no control over.
Something is wrong with him, I believe.
If one more person tells me to move on, I think I'll scream! I have moved on. I am living with my new boyfriend of a year and a half. I just have not moved on mentally. I'm happy with the new boyfriend, but it is not the same. I am resigned to the fact that I have lost my soulmate. My dreams tell the truth though. And I can't help my feelings. All I can do is to change my actions. And I've done that. I have a life and a new boyfriend.
There is nothing more to say. It is complete and utter bullshit that a person can just "move on". He told me I never left his heart after all those years before. I feel the same now and then.
It's a shame. That's what it is. A shame. I just wonder how long he'll wait on finding someone who will have his child.
Men can father children and women can't at a certain age, so now he has age requirements. He didn't before.
I think he is soooooo clueless. I kind of feel sorry for him and us. My therapist has said he is "stupid"- that our connection was rare. My friends and family think he is "stupid" too.
The poor soul wants to replicate his genes so badly, he is blinded.
Sad Sad Sad...
Feedback is welcome...
Don't tell me to "move on" though. It makes no sense to me. How the hell do you control your dreams? I can only control my outward life...
I feel like he's lost something special too... I feel sorry for both of us really...
Thank you to anyone who read this... I can't talk with anyone about this anymore. They don't understand. And so I write alone... love and peace to all of you hurting on here... may we all find a kind of peace from knowing that we loved and our hearts are giving and kind... G-d Bless!