My soulmate

by miriam
(PA)

I know this sounds cliche, but I truly know (can't even say feel or believe) that he's my soulmate. We were together years ago, and I broke things off due to circumstances that had nothing to do with him personally, but things that were out of anybody's control. I will not touch those issues here because they are not important to the story. Long story short- I reconnected with him after 10 years. I apologizes profusely. During those ten years I thought about him a lot. We both told each other how we had never left one another's hearts. We both had saved every thing we had given each other. Pictures, little notes... everything! He told me he'd met enough people to know this was special. It was a miracle from the universe that I had come back into his life. He had been sad and confused at our parting way back. I had never left his heart. Nor he mine.

All was going so well. Then, he found out that I cannot (for medical reasons) have children. He suddenly changed. He went back and forth, but he finally broke things off. This was three years ago. I was devastated. I've never cried so much in my life.

Even after my mom passed, it didn't hurt like this. And that was a terribly difficult thing.

My therapist could not believe that he broke things off for this reason. He wrote me a letter/email saying that I still held a special place in his heart. And he ended it by saying that no matter what happened, I would always be in his heart. However the gist of the letter was that he wanted biological children and this was the "deal breaker". Now, mind you he was 45 at the time and I was 43.

No one who knows us can believe that he'd leave with all that we had in common. It was uncanny our commonalities. He even called our deep connection rare.

Now I find that he has a personal ad out there saying that he's looking for someone under "42" who is open to having children. He's 48 now. It seems unfair and selfish.

For my part, I have a new boyfriend. I do love him, but it's not the same.

I feel like there has not been proper closure with my ex.

I guess I've "moved on" somewhat. I am more content and I don't cry constantly, but I still dream of him. And I must say that nobody who has been in my life compares to the feelings and connection I had with him. He even told me the same.

I wish that there was something I did wrong. I can't stand that he left because of something I have no control over.

Something is wrong with him, I believe.

If one more person tells me to move on, I think I'll scream! I have moved on. I am living with my new boyfriend of a year and a half. I just have not moved on mentally. I'm happy with the new boyfriend, but it is not the same. I am resigned to the fact that I have lost my soulmate. My dreams tell the truth though. And I can't help my feelings. All I can do is to change my actions. And I've done that. I have a life and a new boyfriend.

There is nothing more to say. It is complete and utter bullshit that a person can just "move on". He told me I never left his heart after all those years before. I feel the same now and then.

It's a shame. That's what it is. A shame. I just wonder how long he'll wait on finding someone who will have his child.

Men can father children and women can't at a certain age, so now he has age requirements. He didn't before.

I think he is soooooo clueless. I kind of feel sorry for him and us. My therapist has said he is "stupid"- that our connection was rare. My friends and family think he is "stupid" too.

The poor soul wants to replicate his genes so badly, he is blinded.

Sad Sad Sad...

Feedback is welcome...

Don't tell me to "move on" though. It makes no sense to me. How the hell do you control your dreams? I can only control my outward life...

I feel like he's lost something special too... I feel sorry for both of us really...

Thank you to anyone who read this... I can't talk with anyone about this anymore. They don't understand. And so I write alone... love and peace to all of you hurting on here... may we all find a kind of peace from knowing that we loved and our hearts are giving and kind... G-d Bless!

Comments for My soulmate

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Dec 16, 2012
Soulmate
by: Anonymous

We were both 12 years in Elementary school, that was in the year 1982 Ghana.
We met at church for a good Friday service, I was serving mass that faithful day, I saw her but couldn't talk to her, apparently that was the last time I was seeing her because she was traveling to the US that week-end.
Since then we have been exchanging letters till I lost contact with her and also with her cousins because my parents had to move from where we lived.
I kept looking for her contact but to no avail. Luckily I met an old school friend who was a friend to us both, she promised to help me locate her family but, unfortunately for me, she also traveled with her husband, that was in the year 1998.
After waiting all these while, I entered into a relationship and got married June 2000.
June 2001 I visited my parents, and my kid sister said to me, "your friend came looking for you" I almost collapsed, I just could not believe what my kid sister told me.

About 3 years ago I found her on Facebook, ever since things have not been the same, she quickly came to visit me and said, the reason she came looking for me initially was to know if I would want to marry her, but since she couldn't find me, she went back and accepted the proposal of another guy, she then looked me straight in the eye and said, "I'm not happy, i want to be with you".
I have married twice and non of them worked,
Indeed, if what I feel for her is what is called love then, I have found my soulmate, and we both can't help it, I've been single for 3 years now.
We love each other so much, we talk almost 4 times a day, we chat so many times on i-message, although I'm gainfully employed with a reputable pharmaceutical company, she's set up a private business for me, and gone out of her to make sure that I'm always very happy.
She is currently married but will always say, "I really want to come back to you, you're my soulmate"
I know that, I TRULY love her and for the past 3 years I haven't been with anyone else because of what I feel for her, although we are about 6000 miles away from each other.
In fact, she's made me into a better person.
Therefore the question I ask is, why does life some times treat us this way. This is very unfair, it's so painful.
I love her, somebody please help me.
Although she's married I just can let her go away.

Anonymous



Mar 03, 2012
thank you, Mip
by: Miriam

Hi Mip,
Thank you for your comment. I too thought I was alone with this break-up "reason"! I'm so sorry about all you've been through- 30 years is a long time. My heart and prayers go out to you. It's amazing how these men keep waiting and holding out for a woman who can have children. Gee, don't men's biological clocks eventually give out too? It feels so selfish and unfair of them. How can wanting a biological child trump the kind of "once in a lifetime" love that we've found? I am thinking about you, Mip... I hope that you can find a kind of peace about this whole thing. Perhaps, after enough time, he'll give up on the child thing. It's already been a while. My "soulmate" has only been at it for 3 years now.
-sigh- Do good things for yourself and take care... I am hoping that he comes around. It's good that you're still in touch. That is a good sign. I have no contact at all with my ex. I suppose I could, if I initiated it, but I will not do that. It's good that yours is initiating... it is a hopeful sign... Best to you, and thanks you again for responding!



Mar 03, 2012
thank you!
by: miriam

Hi Anonymous, thank you so much for commenting on my story. I'd be interested in reading your story. I think I am on this site, just to meet people who understand, because my friends seem to have no clue how I feel. I am so sorry that you still love your ex husband. It's been 3 years for me also! I thought I'd feel differently by now. I do sort of. I feel some kind of dull ache instead of intense grief, but it still feels bad. I sometimes think the intense grief might have been better in a way because at least I still felt alive. Now, I feel like part of me has died, and I don't even know who I am anymore. It is strange.
It's good that you are out there dating. I certainly know how it feels to compare everyone to HIM. I've done that also. Sometimes, I feel like it's unfair to my boyfriend, but what can I do? I feel kind of resigned at this point. I do feel content though in some ways. Perhaps, after some time, I'll feel more content. I do hope you can feel better. Suppressing how we feel doesn't work- I think I've gotten by because I've acknowledged how I feel about him AND I am continuing my life. Somehow, I feel that I must do both. I can't lie and say I don't have feelings for him. Thank you so much for responding to my story... it makes me feel less like a "freak" for feeling this way when everyone tells me I shouldn't. You're right- no one can tell us how to feel, and they can't unless they've been through the same thing. Take care of yourself too, Anonymous...it means a lot to me that you took the time to write. x


Mar 02, 2012
I identify with you
by: Anonymous

I want to tell you that I completely understand what you are going through, I have just posted my story on this site. I've been looking for a site such as this one. You love that man totally and no one can tell you how to stop those feelings, despite all of the hurt! I still love my exhusband, we have been divorced for a little over 3 yrs. I've been on a few different dating sites, met many eligible men,and, I compare everyone to my ex. I hate this...just keep trying, keep living your life, hold your self to a high degree of esteem...this is what I do...hopefully you will heal..take care of yourself mentally, emotionally and physically...

Feb 19, 2012
lost love- he wants children
by: Mip

OMG-I thought I was alone with this identical breakup! We have been together 30 years, but we were not married as we lived in different towns-mostly.Either way "we' decided to breakup because he wants children- I was 58 at the time and he was 52. We still talk and email but I heart dearly and so did he for a long time.
He still loves me and I him. He has not found a lady to have children with yet but is actively looking. I grieve terribly for him-Its not easy at all!

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