My strong brave grandpa

I lost my grandpa 19th May 2012. He had been having problems for months and the doctors said it was acid reflux. He went into hospital on April the 18th and they put a camera down his throat. They found the actual cause was a bleeding ulcer. They did scans gave him drugs and whilst he was ther he had a stroke. Two weeks of being there and they said that the ulcer was cancerous. Apparently he had it for about 12 months. He was determand to fight as he has all his
I've through heart attacks, strokes and throat cancer. They told us a week later there was nothing they could do for him except give him a stint to help him eat easier. No one told him until the following week when the doctor told him when I was there. He said nothing just held my hand. I spent every day with him waiting for the operation to come. Then on the 9th of may the hospital said they were sending him home as that's where he wanted to die. I couldn't understand why they had given up on him. I packed his stuff up on the 10th and followed the ambulance to his house. I still saw him every day and found put it was him who had given up not the hospital. I was shocked and a little angry. I know that sounds selfish but head always been so strong why give up now. On the 19th of may I got to his house at 3:30pm. They had given him morphine at lunch time and suspected it to be a. After of minutes. He was so bad. The whole way through he had been fine joking and smiling until this day. I gave him a hug and told him it was ok and I felt his last heartbeat at 3:40 pm. They say he waited for me as he felt comfy with me and zo feel honoured about that but have been struggling ever since.
I can't get those last minutes out of my head and I don't know why he chose me to hold him. I wish I knew he was ok and I wish I could move past these pictures and memories of that heart breaking day. I'm hurting and I'm so angry but I don't know who really with. I would like to know with all the research going on why it is they have not found a way to spot stomach cancer. I know they can't help my grandpa but they could help others.

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Jun 13, 2012
Lost my grandpa to cancer
by: Doreen England U.K.

Dear grandaughter,
I am sorry for your loss of grandpa. You will struggle for a long time with the final memories. It is part of the grief. You are angry you say but you don't know who with. Anger is part of the grief also.
I lost my husband to MESOTHELIOMA Lung cancer caused by working with asbestos. We were married for 44years. Steve died on 5th May 2012 and he was buried 25th May 2012. I am still struggling with the last 3years 39 days Steve fought cancer. Steve was very ill throughout the whole of this cancer and he had no quality of life. It was a cruel death as Steve was in severe pain for the last day of his life as the morphine they gave him was not strong enough and so he suffered. This will affect my grief. I can't change the memories. You just have to let come into your mind what will and not force memories. I feel as if all the memories I had have died and I can't get them back but in reality I know they will come back in time. Be patient in grief. Each stage has to be cried out and grieved over till that stage does not bother us anymore. Cancer is such a cruel disease and always not easy to fight or come back from. Some do but many don't. I wish you better days ahead in your grief and that you will be able to move forward in time and be happy again.

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