my strong hard headed mom that I miss so much

by anymous

It has only been a week but my heart is breaking daily I miss her so she was my rock who I could come to for everything. I still can't believe it my father found her in the shower she had drowned it was like I'm drowning everyday now I can't believe she's gone it hurts so much and being the youngest baby girl it kills me I only got 35 years with her she passed at age 64 so young though I know she had a lot of alignments that were cause her issues I know she is not in pain anymore but just the thought of her struggling to breath and things go through my mind daily y wasn't I there to help her I know gods time it was time for her to leave the earth but still doesn't make it any easier she was a very strong headed lady that she didn't want help though its who she was and I wouldn't change her for the world she was in a car accident do to her blood sugar how it all started than kept having the diabetic episode s which she always apologized for which she couldn't help which makes me cry every time someone says sorry I burst into tears. She hurt her shoulder pretty bad to where there was no way to repair it so she had very little mobilization which I know she was in severe pain which I feel like such a jerk for wanting her to be here and she was in a lot pain and tried to not show so much than as things progressed she asked me to bring her boxes because she was moving mind u she never did tell me where she was going. Made me very sad all I ever tried to do was help her Friday 13th Sept 2013 she blacked our on the kitchen floor my gma called the ambulance she was not responding her temp was super low they put all kinds of needles in her arm to save her she told my sister she could hear everyone but couldn't do anything. kasier and I will say that hospital because there idiots and seem to kill many people daily released 6hrs why would u do that especially knowing what happened 6 hrs prior I just don't understand anyways on Sunday slipped up to my oldest sister that she had end stages of renal failure what in the world y she kept it for so long I have been super sick prior to even knowing this my sister was like you are going to go through dialysis she said there's no point and. Nor even 24hrs Monday morning she passed away in the shower I just want to know that she didn't suffer though she suffered all this time I love my mom so much everyday it is a struggle to function I wish that I had the chance to hug and kiss her and let her know how much I loved her and now its to late

Comments for my strong hard headed mom that I miss so much

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Sep 24, 2013
I miss my Mom too
by: A mourning daughter

I lost my mother almost 4 months ago. She died the day before her 85th birthday. She had respiratory failure due to
congestive heart failure and mitral valve regurgitation. We took her off a ventilator after she started going into renal failure. We
knew we could not save her and I knew she would not want to live that way. Seeing her die was the worst day of my life. Now I know what she went thru when my father died from colon cancer. I was only 8 years old and he was only 47. I hope she is with him now. She never remarried. I have so much guilt that I did not go with my mother to her doctors the past few years. I am not sure what she knew about her heart that she did not tell us. Maybe there was something that could have been done for that leaky valve. My brother and I found out about it when it was too late. She was a strong woman until the very end of her life. She was always there for us, our rock.
I lived with her and we were very close in our own way but I never saw her death coming. I still can't believe it happened.
I hope she knows how much I loved her. The words were not said often. Mom, I will think of you and miss you every day until we meet again.

Sep 24, 2013
My strong hard headed mom that I miss so much
by: Michele

Dear Anonymous, I am so sorry for your loss. My mother passed a year ago and it still pains me deeply inside. I went into a 6 month depression. I was extremely close to my mother. My mother to had diabetes. She got it at the age of 25 and when my mom turned 57 she ended up having to get 2 toes amputated. Once that happened. She got sicker and had to do Dialysis. And she could no longer go to work. 4 years passed she had other problems. She had to do dialysis 3 times a week. And had to have blood transfusions. To make it all worse she got Breast cancer. Due to the Blood disorder she could not do the chemotherapy. Her blood was low 30 minutes after her blood transfusions. And she did not get to go home. They kept her at the hospital. And yes it was Kaiser. They could not figure out how to fix her blood disorder. You are right about that hospital. It seems like they kill all their patients. 3 weeks my mom was in the hospital and it just got worse. We brought her home on hospice. It has been a week for you, and a year for me. I still cannot look at her pictures. It is awful losing a mother. A special person who was in our lives all of our lives. Your mom knew you loved her. It is good that you found this grief site within a week of your moms death. I found it a year after my mom died. I believe when people die they have a choice to stay with their loved ones until everyone is at peace. Or they can go straight to heaven with God. I believe my mom is still here with my sisters and brother. I believe when I dream of her she is visiting me. My daughter had a dream of her. My daughter dreamed that she was on this big bus and the bus suddenly turned into a huge church. A homeless man started preaching loudly and suddenly he pointed directly at my daughter and asked aloud..."Do you believe in God?" my daughter answered... "Yes!" And my mom was sitting in the bus. She was talking and laughing with my daughter. She said to my daughter...."I am tired of all the tears." And she said..." I want to go home to god (she called him by another name.) Then my mom looked at my daughter and told her to come sit on her lap and she whispered in her ear and said... "I heard what you said to me when I was asleep." and she told my daughter the exact words my daughter had said to her while she was in her coma for that 5 days. Then she said.. "I seen all of you and I heard everyone talking." She said..."The three men came to get me."
So when my daughter told me all of this. It amazed me and I knew my mom was here with us. But not until we stop crying will she then get to go with god in peace. I pray you find peace. God bless you and your family.

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