My Daddy passed away on October 18, 2011. He was diagnosed with lung cancer in August 2011 and his battle was short, but he fought extremely hard. Doctors say he would have been a survivor if he didn’t get pneumonia that aggravated his cancer. He was suffering so much but always seemed so calm and peaceful. The last few weeks he was in the hospital he was ALWAYS smiling. He spoke about how he is going to continue to fight until god said it was enough…and he fought every day. The day he passed he was supposed to be moved in to hospice care, but he is a stubborn man and stated he would rather die than be in hospice…so he went to sleep. I hold a lot of anger with him that he didn’t give me that final weekend with him to say what I needed to say. I am angry that the nurse was holding his hand when he passed instead of me. He was my heart, my soul, and the first true love of my life. The past month has been extremely hard for me…especially now that the holidays are coming around. My mother passed away from cancer when I was 3 years old so every holiday it has only been my father and I because my sister always had other plans. This year is going to break my heart. I am 24 years old but I feel like an orphan. I am still confused about why this happened, why god chose my dad, why did he take him now while I still REALLY need him? When I become overwhelmed with grief and anger I try to think about my father, his oddities, his laugh, his smile, his scent. He was a great father and the perfect best friend. Our bond was unbreakable and the love I hold for him within my heart is eternal. I keep hoping that the pain will subside, but it keeps getting worse. I keep searching for him everywhere and I have this longing for him to return. I wear his Vietnam War dog tags close to my heart so I can still feel his love. I would appreciate any motivational thoughts or advice that you would have for me to help me cope better.
All the best,