My Superman

by Magaly Ortiz
(New york)

my father died 10 years ago and it feels like it just happened ..I just started to grieve. I wasn't ready and I am so scared right now to do this. every time I talk about it I start to cry. I miss my superman ..I called him that all my life.. 2 days before he died he asked me not to let him die and my world game crashing down around me. I remember the room spinning and the doctor grabbing me before I hit the floor. he walked me outside and mumbled something but I don't know what it was. my superman needed help and I was powerless to help him...I remember going back in and he spoke to me again and I said I cant papi I cant. I ran out and started to think outside of his room. my emotions completely shut down at that moment. I stood with him his last couple of days like I had always and I remember that dec 2 was different for some reason. a peace fell over the room and I told him I would be right back because I had to run to work and come back I usually went home also and he said no. funny. I realized after that he already knew. he died 5 minutes before I got there. while I was in the elevator on my way up. I saw him and I cried about 5 seconds and again I had to be strong for the family. I shut down and became the robot I was supposed to be. polite at the funeral and after too. since his death no more Christmas, new years or thanksgiving. I hate fathers day. I use to love pampering him on that day. and for me fathers day was every day so sometimes I would come in with a gift and scream happy fathers day old man and he would smile as only he could smile. my father was so awesome, funny, he played the guitar and he wrote a song for me when I was a little girl that I will never hear again. we still have his guitar and I listen to his music on the holidays and his birthday and death day. he was the best grandfather and father and the worst. there is good and bad in everyone ..he taught me that. he would be laughing at me now for writing will always be my superman. I love you Papi.

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