My sweet and kind husband died 3 weeks go.

by Barbara Robins
(modesto, CA. U.S.A.)

We were married 48yrs. My Don, my husband, was told he had small cell lung cancer. He was give iyr. to live. with chemo.When the DR. took him off chemo, he seemed to go down hill. He was taken off because the chemo. had stopped the spreading if this horrible type of cancer. The DR. small it was a very lethal type cancer. Anyway, weeks later he couldn't even, so I called the ambulance. He was in there with pnmonia, can't spell it. When he came home, he was ok, for about 3 days. Then he started to go downhill very fast.I was disoriented and in much pain. All of his family took care of him, including me. I never left is side. He was in some much pain,the cancer had spread all over his body.I kept him heavily drugged so he wouldn't be in any pain. I called Hospice and they told me what to do. Well, he died 3 days later. His death was so shocking because he had been fine just in the last 3 weeks after he stopped chemo. Then when he went to the hospital and came home, he was lucid . We even sat outside like we always had. Then 3 days later he died. He was in horrible pain. We were all very shocked by his death. Now I am grieving so bad, so is my daughter and my son. I cry every night, I want him back. The grief is like someone has ripped my heart and soul out. We were together so long, I fell as if a part of me has gone. My daughter won't leave her bedroom.I feel very bad for her. My son just doesn't like talking about it.Everyone tells me I'll get better, sick of hearing that. How do they know I will get better. A part of me has gone and I miss him more than words can say. I grieve the worst at night. I just can't stop crying, I even hyper venilate. Which is something I have never done. I miss and love more than word could ever say. I miss my Don. He always called me his girl, well, he was and still is my guy. I am dying inside. How can I go on without my sweet and kind husband, I just don't know. Thank u for reading this. I am almost like a zombie from the grief and so is my daughter. If there is a hell, I am in it.