My Sweet baby Grady..

by Rebecca Herman
(Gresham, Oregon )

I found out there were going to be complications in my pregnancy very early on. The doctors told me I should think about ending the pregnancy. That was completely out of the question. I did not really know what would happen in the end but I wanted to give my baby a chance, I was praying for a miracle and that maybe the doctors were wrong. I was in and out of the doctors for the whole pregnancy, 3 months before my son was born I had a heart attack, then a month before we got into a very bad car wreck. After all that he was still alive, inside of me I felt him move and kick all the time. when I was 71/2 months pregnant I went in for a normal ultra sound. they did not see alot of movement and didnt like the heartbeat so they admitted me. I had a c section the next day and they took my son straight to the NICU. I was in recovery and didnt get to see my son for 3 days while I was there. Finally they let me go and I got to see him. He was covered in tubes and wires, they had him on a permanent morphine drip. He had so many issues, his heart was not formed correctly, his ribs didnt come all the way around, he only had one kidney that didnt work right, he had some problems with his intestines, he had oversized ventricles on his brain which he had surgery for when he was two days old. So many things. when he was 10 days old they told us that he would not survive long and at this point he was never awake and always in pain. Me and his daddy decided that we would have a day for all of his family and friends to come see him and say goodbye. That was a very bad day for me, but the next day would be worse. We let his big brother come in and say his goodbyes to a little brother he was so excited about and that he would never know. When they unhooked him from the ventilator and all the other things was the first time I ever got to hold him or even completely see his face. Spur of the moment me and his daddy decided to let all the grandparents come in and hold him one at a time while he was still alive. He lived for one hour after they removed all the devices. He died in his mommy and daddys arms knowing that he was and always will be loved. I struggle every day with not having him here, I know some day I will be with my baby again but I cry alot and I just dont know what to do anymore.. Its been almost 2 years and I can still see him and feel him. I hope my story helps with other mothers and fathers to know they are not alone in this struggle.

Comments for My Sweet baby Grady..

Click here to add your own comments

Feb 29, 2012
your story sounds so familiar
by: Anonymous

I read your story and it sounded like someone was telling mine. My daughter died two years ago this June. We were also told when I was pregnant (6 months) that our daughter was very sick. We were asked if we wanted to terminate. We wouldn't even think of it. They told us she would have a 30% chance of survival. She had CDH which meant that her organs (stomach, intestines, liver) had all moved up into her chest cavity. This pushed her heart onto the wrong side and didn't allow space for her lungs to develop. Our daughter was born full term, weighing almost 9 lbs. She lived for 8 days on a respirator and pain medication. The day came when we knew she would never survive. She was already dying and was becoming immune to the pain medication. We also had our family come and see her and my two sons who were 4 and 6 at the time came to see her. She lived for about 10 minutes after she was removed from the machines. She died in our arms. My oldest son still cries for her. I am almost 2 years in and still don't feel whole. I don't cry as much as I did at first, but it will never leave me. I am a different person now, more withdrawn, isolated.
We have been trying to have another baby ever since with no success. We just finished our first round of IVF which was unsuccessful. I am almost 41. I don't think the pain ever goes away. I am very lucky that I have found a support group in my area. Thank you so much for sharing your story.

Click here to add your own comments

Return to Lost Baby/Child.

[?]Subscribe To This Site
  • follow us in feedly
  • Add to My Yahoo!
  • Add to My MSN
  • Subscribe with Bloglines

RSS Feed Widget


Tap into the compassion, support and wisdom of the


Essential Healing Guide

Grief Relief

Free Griefwork

Free Stress

SBI Video Tour!