My sweet husband David,

by Karen
(SouthBoston)

Darling,
It's been over a year since you have passed,still having trouble accepting. For 31yrs. I had you to lean on,now I am all alone.Everyone has tried to comfort me,but all I want is you. The world is closing in on me and I need you even more.I know you would want me to be a warrior instead of the person I have recently become. I just started to reach out for help,but it's only for show, I still dont care about me.
David,I am trying to be strong.I force myself to go out everyday. Seeing couples are the worst,it pains me to see people holding hands and smiling. When I walk the beach,I cry because of all the great times we had. How do I live without out?

Princess Karen

Comments for My sweet husband David,

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Mar 14, 2016
My sweet husband David
by: Doreen UK

Karen I am so sorry for your loss of David. This is got to be the very worse experience we will go through from losing our spouse. It is a deep raw pain like no other pain we have ever felt or will feel again in the same way.
I lost my beloved husband of 44yrs. to a deadly cancer almost 4yrs. ago. I nursed him for 3yrs.39days and I thought I would never recover. I could not function for 6 months. But in this time I nurtured myself back from grief by doing good things for myself each day. This was the beginning of me healing from the deepest sorrow I have ever felt. In these 6 months I did nothing. I did not force myself to move forward. I let it happen naturally ONE DAY AT A TIME. I woke up one day and felt normal again. It was the most amazing feeling to have that raw grief pain to finally end. The days followed with smaller episodes of grief that were manageable and bearable. I am coping now but I still miss my husband and still shed a few tears every now and then. Nurturing yourself is the best healing foundation you can give yourself and is where you will find your recovery from grief. It will take time but we have not lost our FREEDOM. WE can do what we want to do at any given time and if this be NOTHING. This is the best way forward. honouring ourselves and we will find other people will treat us with the respect we deserve when we honour ourselves and not push ourselves to do what others think we should be doing in trying to move forward. This is a very personal time for us and we have to take the time to HEAL. Value yourself. This is what David would expect and any husband. That we Value the other half of our spouse which is left on this earth. God values us and so should we value ourselves. It was time for our spouse to leave this world and we have to continue this journey will we pass on. Life will never be the same for any of us again. It takes time to find our way back from grief. But we do recover from our grief. Hold on to this focus.

Mar 14, 2016
I underdstand
by: Doreen UK

Dear Anonymous
I am sorry for your loss of your husband 4 months ago. It is understandable to not feel like doing anything. One loses their motivation to do anything when grieving. You are doing what many of us do which is to force yourself to get up and do things when your mind is not in line with our body and you can't do it. Don't push yourself at all. Your body has broken down with grief and you are trying too hard to move forward.
When I lost my husband almost 4 years ago I could not function for 6 months. I took to the couch and could not get off for 6 months. I did nothing but put food in the oven to sustain me and my daughter and I watched endless TV as a diversion from grief. I NURTURED myself in this time by doing good things for myself each day till it became a way of life. I honoured the way I felt and did not push myself forward. I let each day unfold as it did, and if I did nothing this was O.K. It was how I felt and I couldn't alter this a bit. Nurturing myself was the start of the healing process. I woke up one day and my world started changing. It was like a miracle. I started to feel normal again and it was the best feeling in the world to feel like this for the first time in six months after losing my husband. The grief was so awful I thought I would never recover and be normal again. I then slowly took ONE DAY AT A TIME. I am back to normal but I can grieve on any given day and not fall apart. When you are part of a couple you just normally care for your partner and it becomes a normal part of life. When you lose them it is as if you forget yourself as a person with feelings and a person in your own right. I was left feeling. "What do I do with ME." I discovered that I still had my FREEDOM. I didn't lose this and I could do anything I wanted to do and if this was NOTHING. This is what I did. I started VALUING MYSELF. I loved myself back from grief. I feel more balanced now. I still miss my husband desperately. But I am not torn by grief and pain. I have matured through my grief and keep my husband tucked in my heart forever till we meet again. I understand how you feel. People try to help and can say the wrong things that compound our grief and pain. But you can discard what people say and RESCUE yourself from your grief and honour the person you are. Build yourself up. This is what I did and it is the most healing of experiences. I value myself as God values me. Even if it doesn't feel like it now. Life will improve ONE DAY AT A TIME. You won't always feel the pangs of painful sorrow. These too will pass and you will reclaim your life. Not the life you or I or other's chose. But a life we were given and have to live out with dignity and strength to become the people we were meant to be. Life is precious. Let us value it and ourselves.

Mar 07, 2016
I understand
by: Anonymous

I read your entry, and I am feeling the same thoughts as you.
My husband passed away 4 months ago, and it seems to be getting worse instead of better. I wake in the morning, and then it hits, he is really gone! I can't move from the bed for a while, I have to force myself to get up and start another day.
I ask myself: what will I do today? I know I will face loneliness and heartache, but I must begin the day. I try to plan things to do. I take the dog for a walk, work in the yard, cook something, anything to make the hours and minutes go by. Finally, the darkness comes and I can go to bed. I feel like I got through another day which brings some some solace.
But then I know that tomorrow will come, and the whole hellish day alone will begin again.
I really get angry when people tell me that it is going to get better and I will feel joy again. Right now that sounds like a bunch of platitudes to me. I need to grieve right now, and I don't want to hear about joy. I cannot even think that joy will come again in a long, long time.

Oct 02, 2015
My sweet husband David
by: Doreen UK

Karen I am so sorry for your loss of your husband David. There is nothing worse than the pain of losing your spouse. I lost my husband Steve to cancer 3yrs 5 months ago and it still hurts.
The best way forward is ONE DAY AT A TIME. I can only still take one day at a time. Otherwise grief would swallow me up. How I coped was by NURTURING myself through the grief. I did good things for myself each day till it became a way of life. It took 6 months of laying on the couch doing nothing but watching T.V. as a distraction to help me to find some relief where life began to change. I thought I would never recover from that awful RAW grief pain that one feels would destroy them.
Going out does help. I feel better when I am out. I am crippled with arthritis, but now use a walking cane for assistance, when I am able to go out. Grief causes our body to become weaker. I ended up with pneumonia. Whether you feel like it or not it is helpful for us as widows/widowers to take care of ourselves. We lived for our spouses and when they are gone it is common to think as I did. WHAT DO I DO WITH ME!! We wrap ourselves in our marriage partner and it is so easy to lose sight of ourselves. When I lost Steve I discovered that I still had my FREEDOM. I could do nothing or whatever I wanted to when I needed to. I began to be thankful that I still had the ability to change and be the person I wanted to be because I still had my 3 Adult children who were looking and observing their mother. Somehow you find the strength to go on, whether you want to or not. I had to live for those I had left and needed me. I am beginning to settle into some area of life that allows me to be comfortable where I am. Not the life I wanted or expected. But a life that needs to go on ONE DAY AT A TIME. Each day is different. Good days and bad day. But the bad days pass as they will and I find myself becoming stronger and settled.
I hope that you won't give up on Yourself or the Grief journey you have to go through. It won't last forever. The pain you feel now will soon pass and you will be able to stop hurting. It helps if you have good support. Don't feel ashamed for needing other people in our life to help you through this loss. It is by reaching out to others that we begin to heal May God comfort you in your grief and Give you the strength to go on each day with His Grace.

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