My sweet husband...

by Becky
(Chico ca)

An African friend of mine was concerned that I did not have a husband. So he called me one day and said "I am bringing your husband to the wedding". I said "I will find my own husband, please do not do this".

But I went ahead to my friends wedding and we met and 6 months later we were married and I said thank you to the intuitive African matchmaker.

Then the trouble started. I loved him like crazy but we were destined to disagree, an African traditional man with an extremely liberated and progressive woman.

But anytime he walked in the room he made me smile and my love for him stayed solid and kept growing. How I enjoyed it when he just wanted to sit by the river next to me. Or he would be playing drums from across the house and speak to me through his music that he wanted me to come to him. Sweet.

Fast forward 10 years and 100's of musical performances and drum classes later. we brought his child here from Africa. We are a happy family still arguing but still in love.

but he keeps coughing. the doctors 3 times in 2010 said it is just scar tissue and he needs to be careful.

One day In August he comes home and collapses. Racing to the emergency room I think heart attack?

No. 4 hours later we find stage 4 lung cancer. After 2 weeks in the hospital and a month of consideration he decides that he will not accept western treatment and instead wants to return to Africa.

4 months later he dies in my arms. december of 2010. We went to Africa for 1 month before he died and he said goodbye to his family. he died two weeks after we returned home.

How I miss him. How sad I am to raise his son with no blood relatives less than 4000 miles away. His birth mom in her limited english emailed me and said "if you want to see him, look in your son's eyes. And she is right.

I cry, I try to not cry in front of my son because he said "mom I can't stand your tears". I am respecting that.

I think my husband will walk back in the door but he never does.

how I love my husband and what he gave me.

Music, nature laughter, joy, smiles and my child.

Some days I am ok. I have been going through his belongings this past week, a task I have been avoiding but finally felt ready for.

But when they called today to ask what I want on his gravestone all hell broke loose. Back to my withering tears. they are private. My child is happily playing a video game and we need to clean the house and pack for a trip and damn sometimes it's just too much.

Go to hell God, sorry about that, I will forgive you as soon as possible.

Comments for My sweet husband...

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Sep 05, 2011
by: Becky

Thank you everyone for the love and caring you send my way.
I dream of Sidiki often. He speaks to me in my dreams and tells me it is OK honey.

Aug 04, 2011
My Sweet Husband
by: Anonymous

It has been 11 months today (Sept. 5, 2011) that the love of my life passed away and it has been the hardest pain I have ever had to endure. I miss Lee so very much and I wish he was here with me. I also feel sometimes he will walk though the door and he never does. I also feel angry with God and you said it just right,"I will forgive you as soon as possible." I am just still trying to understand everything and I hope God understands where I am with this pain. I know God is good (and always will be) but for right now, I hope God will be patient with me as I continue to work though this pain and he gives me enough time on this earth to come back into full circle with him.
Peace to you and your precious son.


Aug 01, 2011
Your Sweet Husband....
by: TrishJ

I am so sorry for your loss. It is so hard to let go of our soul mates. I lost my husband 8 months ago and the grief is as overwhelming today as it was the day after it happened.
Grief takes a lot of hard work. We grieve so hard because we loved our husbands so much. Many people live their entire life and never find true love. The only way we can avoid the grief is not to love. I think the love was worth it.
The loneliness is hard to accept. Nobody to kiss goodnight. Nobody to say, "I love you." That's what I miss the most.
We will get through this. We have to just wake up each day, put one foot in front of the other, and do the best we can.
God Bless.

Aug 01, 2011
Worse Than A raw Nerve
by: sara

My sweet lady, I do understand your pain. My son died of an overdose 2 months ago. the pain is a raw now as when it happened. I'm raising his 2 daughters and I believe like me, that you want to spare them from as much pain that you feel. I know it's hard, but we must remain strong for them,we are all they have now. May God Bless You and your son.

Aug 01, 2011
My sweet husband
by: jule

Becky - I am sad to say that this hurt will keep on coming back - my darling husband has been gone for just over 20 months, and most times I am doing well, then something will happen - a song he used to sing to me and dance to with me - comes on the radio, and I am right back there again - so sad, heartbroken, crying.

I know I am not alone with these feelings, it comes up so often on here - but I know that I can come here, post my deepest feelings and get caring and compassionate replies.

So, come here when it gets hard, or any time you feel the need - we do understand, we are going through it as well - look after your son - keep up your friendships, lean on understanding people, and most of all - every day - one step, one breath
take care

Jul 31, 2011
My prayers go out to you...
by: Anonymous

I too married an African and know exactly what kind of relationship you had with your husband! I'm so sorry for your loss. God is good, He gives and He takes away; only He can see the larger picture. I pray He holds you in His arms and see His grace and glory through your difficult time. God bless

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