My Sweet John

by Colleen
(elk grove , ca)

My son died on April 30, 2011. I wonder if there will ever be a day where when this grief doesn't consume me.I miss him so much, he was my oldest son, I have four, he just he just turned 40, it took 13 days to diagnose, and 18 days he died in our home. I was holding his hand and closed his eyes when he passed., Everyone else seems to be fine, no one ever talk about him and I really think I should be better by now
The sadness is so unbearable.
How do you mothers live day by day

Comments for My Sweet John

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Sep 04, 2013
mother of john
by: dianne

hi coleen i lost my son paul suddenly in his sleep july this year i feel though the pain will never subside right now but i had to write to say your sweet john knew you loved him you were able to be there when he went to sleep i cant forsee a timescale of when its likely to feel better just take each day as it comes .i also have a son jaysie who is 5 i see features of paul in him which times makes me smile others makes me sad if its possible for you think of the good times you shared with john i send you a big hug at this hard time and my thoughts are with you x

Sep 04, 2013
My Sweet John
by: Doreen U.K.

Colleen I am sorry for your loss of your Son. This is a very devastating and major loss in your life. Don't expect to feel better now or in months to come. You will feel your loss of your son FOREVER. You just need to get past RAW GRIEF which you are facing now. Perhaps the support of a grief counsellor will help you to move beyond this awful raw pain of grief. It is the pain that needs to be less and this is different for each person who loses a child/adult child. It also depends on the bonding. Don't forget that boy was attached to you by an umbilical cord for 9 months. You reared him as a boy into a man and then lose him. You are expected to feel as if your world has ended whether anyone in your family talks about him or not. HE WAS YOUR SON. Not anyone elses. Give yourself permission to grieve for however long you need to. Don't choose confidants/supporters who will not allow you the time and space to grieve. Crying is the best form and largest part of grief. Every time you cry you get that bit stronger. Then one day the crying will get less. But the memories will be FOREVER. I have 3 Adult Children. I couldn't bear to go through what you are going through. But I can still feel so deeply your sorrow of your loss of your son. Try and nurture yourself back into health and emotional health by doing many good things for yourself each day. Build this up. Don't let it slip. You will be helping yourself through your grief when you have no one else who understands and you feel all alone. Keep writing back for support if you need it. Best wishes.

Sep 03, 2013
Your son
by: Kate

I lost my oldest son,39 yrs old Nov,2012
I am still in a daze. I have been in shock,screamed out loud,been hurt devastated and angry,felt like a knife stabbed my heart,felt empty and lost and hated death over and over!
I think it's true we manage better but never ever get over it.
We only learn to live with them gone and its painful. My heart is with you.

Sep 03, 2013
Sweet John
by: Wendy, Kyle's Mom

I think you are exactly where you should be given the time line you are on. My son died in 2009 and I still struggle. I'm not sure that the pain will ever go away but I can tell you the intensity does become more manageable. This has been my experience so I hope it will be the same for you. I wish I could offer something helpful in the way of advise but the truth is I think we each have our own path to go down. Will you recover? Probably not..in my mind the only thing that would bring recovery would be no memories of your precious son. I would never hope for that in my case. Deep breaths for now and I hope to see you on this site again soon.

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