My sweet son 1-26-1985 to 10-12-2012.

by Theresa Frye
(Allen Park, MI)

My husband and i were celebrating my birthday in NYC when i returned the call from the police. The officer didn't really want to be the one to break the news to me but I cornered him, "Is my son ok?" i remember him saying, "I regret to inform you..." and nothing else. The rest of the night is a haze. i talked to my family, the coroner, the funeral home, my son's girlfriend, my boss, the travel agency but barely remember any of it. We spent the rest of my birthday in agony, my husband staring at one wall and me at the other, both of us so shocked that we couldn't
even cry. In a city so crammed full of people, we were never so alone.

That was now just over two weeks ago and it's all seems so surreal. i keep looking at Andrew's picture to remind myself that he's gone. It doesn't seem possible. Admittedly, my son had addiction issues - mostly alcohol and xanax - and we'd had done everything that we could think of. There were many hospital visits and police visits and jail visits. There was rehab and there was yelling and fistfights and demanding and begging and crying. When it became painfully apparent that our help was not helping him, we kicked him out, though we landed him
softly at a small apartment not too far, not too close. He
started college, he found himself a job that he biked 17 miles to get to, found himself a new girlfriend. Things finally starting looking up for him. I knew that he still abusing alcohol and pills; I just kept hoping that he'd chose his new life. the night before we left for NYC, he bought liquor and snorted some Oxycontin,a risk that he'd taken dozens of times before. This time he just wasn't lucky. His friend left him snoring at about 2 am
and by 8:30am, the time that the plane to NYC was boarding, he was dead. His girlfriend found his body around 12:30p.

While we waited for the cause of Andrew's death, I searched for all of things that i should have done but didn't. Maybe if i'd put him miltary school as a teenager
his addictions would have been brought under control. If i'd moved out of this area, he wouldn't have had contact with all of those bad friends. If i'd convinced him
to join the military, he would be safe now. My husband's blamed himself for the conflicts and the intense anger toward Andrew that he'd been carrying for years.

The actual cause of death has brought me some peace. Andrew did not commit sucide. He did not die of the addictions that we'd try for years to pry him away from.
His was a reckless event, typical of my son; his was a lethal drug/alcohol combination which he'd discounted from the first time he'd tried it. He always thought he
was smarter than everyone else.

The shock is just starting to wear off and this is first day since my son's death that i haven't cried - though the day isn't over yet. i too believe that i've been
grieving my son for a long time. i loved having a little boy. His teenage year were trying but it's been his adult years that have been the most difficult. There was always the promise of who he was supposed to be. Sometimes i'd see that man- he was funny and smart and witty. He loved his family and was gentle with children. He wanted his own children and would probably have been a great dad. Many of Andrew's friend told me about the great advice that he'd given him along with a place to stay for a couple of day and food. And boy, oh boy, he was a huge momma's boy; i talked to him every day. Now he'll never have a chance to be the man that is he was destined to be. i won't see him get married. i'll never have grandchildren.

i don't know what comes next. The holidays will be rough -i hear the first holidays without your child are the worst. i don't know how i will feel when i see everyone else
with their son or daughter and my husband and me without Andrew. How wil we celebrate his birthday is in January without him? i know that my birthday will never be the same. What i fear most is the quiet, that time when everyone else goes back to their lives and me
and my husband go back to ours, the time during which i have to come to terms with the fact that my son isn't just visiting someplace and will return shortly.
He's gone. i had to leave him behind. i have to leave him behind. it's not something that i'm ready to do - not yet.

Comments for My sweet son 1-26-1985 to 10-12-2012.

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Nov 05, 2012
We are not alone
by: Kathy

I am reading about lost children and can relate to you all. I lost my son Brian on June 16, 2011
and have gone through the first year thinking I would never get through it. He was 29 yrs old and I was a single mother my only child.His was an overdose not done on purpose because he just got out of jail because of things he did to support his habit.He was the love of my life but he was hurting so bad I tried to help in any way I could. As I write now I am sobbing because it dosen't get easier for me.. Yes, I do get up and go to work and function as well as I can.When I first did go back to work I was sitting in traffic and a white butterfly came in my car floated around me and then left.I want to believe it was him telling me he's good and so happy now.
I have strong faith and that helps me so much because I know God loved him first before he gave him to me.We have to go on because we still have things we need to do. I know that if I had to put my life on the line for someone I would definitly do it. I miss him so and life will never be the same for me.We will all understand some day when we get to see them again and what a joy that will be.May God give you strengh and know that they are always with us..

Nov 02, 2012
Thank you Yolanda
by: Terri

Your words are very encouraging to me and I appreciate your kindness in saying what I need to
hear. Peace and happiness is all anyone can wish for and he just couldnt find it here, he was never happy, or he didnt seem to be, when I tried to get closer to him, I still felt that sharp pain of unhappiness in him, nothing like he used to be when he was growing up, drugs are a waste of beautiful people and I will never get over this, again, thank you for your kind words.

Nov 01, 2012
Kyle is free
by: Yolanda

Terry your son Kyle is at peace, it was his time to go no matter how he died, it was his time, now his free with no more pain, no more struggling here on this earth. Kyle is happy now, I feel he was a good man no matter of his habits, he's with you and he wants you to be happy, because he is very happy in beautiful kingdom of God, it's hard I know because I lost my beautiful daughter in her sleep last month, I'm in pain, it's unbearable, but we have to have faith and believe that our children are okay and they are happy, and they wants us to honor them by living , my daughter is with me always I talk to her all the time, and I talk about her to others and that comforts me. Kyle is saying, mom I'm okay, I love you, and I'm with you always!

Nov 01, 2012
My Heart Is Broken Forever
by: Terri

I ask only for a sign from my oldest son, Kyle, that he is OK, maybe that would give me a little peace, but nothing will ever bring him back to me nor will I ever be happy again without him. Kyle passed away on June 15th 2012 from a drug overdose, he had been trying to clean up because I was trying to take over the visitation of his little girl. On Monday, I won the case, he begged me to drop everything because he got to see her enough to satisfy his needs of being near her, but I wasn't allowed to see her, don't know why, I almost raised her the first 3 years of her life, then everything with my granddaughters mom and Kyle went sour, fighting, court issues, warrants, just crap that I tried to handle which also ripped my heart out, so I started my own process and won, on Friday afternoon, I got the call from his father that he had just found him. He was in his bed and just went off to sleep never to wake again, his drug of choice was fentanyl, which is a deathwish in itself, this day he decided to inject it instead of taking it by mouth like he usually did. I had him in hospitals and rehabs but he never wanted help or either just wasnt strong enough to ask for it and get it. Once the demons have you, they have you. You are never the same person you once were, he just couldn't find peace here. Now I wake up everyday to a totally new life than before. Kyle is gone and I want to know he is happy, he is at peace finally. I pray daily for a sign from him or something, just something to let me know he is OK. I go talk to him and beg him to send me some kind of sign. I tied a note to a balloon on my birthday and let it go, I told him I loved him, he was my sonshine and my life has changed forever. My heart is broken and I know it will never mend. Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, Love leaves a memory no one can steal. I say this everyday. Will I ever be happy again? No, I won't.

Nov 01, 2012
too many children lost
by: Theresa Frye

It seems that there are far too many parents out there who've lost their children. I understand why my son is gone but what I don't understand why he couldn't change. Andrew lived life like he was dancing wildly on a razor thin edge of a glass and I was holding out my arms trying to anticipate where he might fall. He'd had plenty of close calls. Why didn't he heed the warnings? Now I'm left without my only child and my life will never be the same. I'll always have a black hole in my heart where my son used to be.

Nov 01, 2012
My Darling Brendon
by: Anonymous

Your son is with you, it was his time to go, no matter what you did he still would have gone that day. My son was 26 and riding his motor bike home when he was hit by a man not giving way, I have had so many signs from him since he left it is unbelieveable. Brendon rang 20 people before his accident and a month before he died he told me he wanted to be an organ donor. He saved 5 people lives by his death. He was a wonderful person he lived his life for fun, you just have to remember that you will meet again. It is so hard it is nearly 12 months for us and your whole life changes, you loose alot of friends and have to make a new normal for yourself. You have to believe that you did the best you could as a parent. I will be thinking of you Vicky Brisbane Australia

Oct 31, 2012
I'm sorry for your lost
by: Anonymous

Your son is with you, beside you, he hasn't left you, yes he had some problems with himself control, but he loved both of you, now he's in peace with no more pain, shame, his free and he's everywhere..
My 30 year old daughter Michelle past away Sept 11,2012 in her sleep, I'm still in so much pain my heart is broken, but I know she's in heaven God's angel. Michelle was a happy and beautiful soul she loved life, very healthy, couldn't wait for her birthday Sept.24, I talk to her around 12:30am I woke up around 8:30am with all the dogs barking, I called out, Michelle, Michelle are you going to take the dogs out, she didn't answer I ran upstairs enter her room the TV was on saw her laying on her bed side way her finger curled and purple, I scream Michelle, Michelle please get up, I put her on the rug start CPR , but I knew she was gone.. I scream Michelle I'm sorry I didn't hear you, why didn't God direct me to you, Michelle mama loves you I need you, please get up! I lost the love of my life, my life has change. I will honor my daughter by living for her, she always told me when I was sad, mom don't be sad be happy, you're good person a good mom, and I love you mom!!!I will love my Michelle and remember all the beautiful moments we had close to my heart!! Michelle lives on in spirit, I feel her close to me always!!

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