My Tina has no use for her wheelchair because she is walking in heaven!

by Thomas Carroll
(North Kingstown,Rhode Island)

My Tina and I were "blind dates". We were set up by my college buddy and her friend. I had a feeling that she would be special and that proved to be true. We loved the beach,music(especially the oldies)cruising with our "tunes" and many other things. We were married on Sept.28,1974 and were very happy!! Our son Tom was born in 1975 and the following year I joined the Air Force and was sent to Berlin,Germany. I came back to the get her and our son Tom in 1977 when my mother-in-law died. We left Germany in 78' and then traveled across the United States to Mountain Home,Idaho where we live until 80' when I left the AF. We had a good life together until Jan.of 1979 when we lost our infant daughter Tracy due to Myotonic Muscular Dystrophy. She was only 3 weeks old and this caused us so much grief that I thought we would never make it through but we did. Tina started having problems walking in 1988 and had been using a cane for about 3-4 years prior to this. In late 1988 she had to start using the wheelchair and continued to need it until her death in 06'. I had to put her in Slater Hospital as she required a ventilator to breath. I had cared for her from 92'to 01' but could do it no longer. She had diabetes,lost her left eye,a toe on her right foot and had a slight hearing loss. I suffered with her mentally and emotionally and asked God to let me bear her pain. She was on morphine for the entire 4 years that she lived at Eleanor Slater State Hospital and I visited every day for a year until I got another job and had to go back to work. In July of 06' her condition became critical as she was moved to RI Hospital and died there on August 23 which will always be one of the saddest days of my life. I still cry for her and miss her every day. I visit the cemetary and put her favorite "purple flowers" on her grave and say prayers for her. I will always miss her & talk about her and my life will NEVER be same again. We were married for 31 years and had 2 sons and now 5 grandchildren. I love Josh Groban and played a couple of his songs at her funeral. "Remember when it Rained" always makes me cry? It tells of "tears from heaven" and "tears that will never dry". She always said that she would walk again and not need the wheelchair anymore. I said "Why,is there a cure for Muscular Dystrophy" She said "No,but I will walk again in heaven". After her death in 2006,I had a dream in which I was walking down a corridor and at the end of it was a door. The door opened and she was wagging her finger at me(Italians seem to do this)saying "NO,NO,NO it is not your time to join me yet". Behind her was "the face of God" who said "you must go back". I will NEVER be 100% happy again until I join her someday. My heart has been broken and it will never be healed!! My grandchildren are my strength now and I will guide them along on the road of life. Nana would have wanted it that way???

Comments for My Tina has no use for her wheelchair because she is walking in heaven!

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Jun 01, 2012
Beautiful Thoughts
by: Rose

Thank you for sharing. Faith is a stronghold for you-I hear it in your story. Prayer has power and gives you the strength. Your story has touched my heart and given me the gift of hope! I lost a daughter last year and have felt the pain of loss but I am walking my journey. Thank you for sharing-

May 31, 2012
whole in Heaven
by: Julie

Thomas, I'm glad you came here to talk about your Tina. I do believe they are whole again in Heaven. I'm sure my Charlie can breathe on his own now and do things he was not able to do for the last 14 years of his life. He has only (only?) been gone for a little less than two months, but I feel I will be grieving for him forever. I guess I am right since you have the experience of 6 years and are still grieving terribly. I'm so sorry for all the years of pain you have had to go through. As I look ahead, I don't see anything that makes me think I want to go on. I do not have children. I know they are something to live for, but then you have to worry about their grieving also. None of this is fair.

May 31, 2012
by: Judith in California

How very blessed Tina was to have you in her lfe to care for and love her. I'm always uplifted when men write of how much they loved their sick wives. A lot of lesser men would have jumped ship at the first sign of it. God bless you and give you comfort at your difficult time.

May 31, 2012
Heaven Awaits Us
by: TrishJ

I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband almost 18 months ago. I hear you friend. Our lives will never be the same. It's taken me 18 months to accept that fact. I tried so hard to hold on to my old life~I wanted the old life~not just the memories. I would drive past the homes we shared together (we owned four over our 37 year marriage). I would relive bringing my children home from the hospital, wonderful Christmases with our entire families, birthdays, anniversaries, graduation parties and cry and cry. If anyone driving by saw me I'm sure they thought I was a crazy woman. I decided more drive bys. It's causing me too much pain.
My memories are mine and they will live in my heart forever. My love for my husband will stay there two. I'm worried about the part of my heart that died with him and I'm striving daily to bring that back to life. As a nurse I know that physically the heart can recuperate so I'm banking on that it also can emotionally. I talk to Joe and God on a daily basis. I actually feel like they are both guiding me. I have three grandsons that I know love me and need me. My grown children are 32 and 36. They need me too. No on can ever take the love away from us. No one can ever take the beautiful memories. Still....some days I feel like it's not enough for me. That's the part I continue to work on.
We're all here for you. It helps to come here and vent.
God bless you, your children and grandchildren. Your so right about heaven, no more pain, no more wheel chairs, hospitals, doctors. Let's try to see the beauty in that.

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