(Las Vegas, NV )
I miss my Tita. It will be six months on January 5th since my grandma died. She died the day after I moved across the country and I feel like I never really got to say goodbye. She was diagnosed with lymphoma in January of 2012. I hate cancer. By the time the doctors knew it was cancer, it was too late to do anything for her. They tried radiation and chemo but since she was so old, her body wasn’t taking it too well and they had to stop. She was in so much pain so the rational part of my brain knows that her death means she isn’t in pain any more and she’s in peace. I feel so selfish for wishing she was still alive, that I had had just one more chance to give her a kiss and a hug and to tell her how much I loved her. She would always tell me “Em, you know something?” And I would say “What?” And she would tell me “I love you”. I would give anything for her to say that to me just one more time. She was our weekend mom, for me and my 4 siblings. Our parents would drop us off on Friday and pick us up on Sunday when we were younger. I don’t know how to stop randomly crying when I smell her perfume or when I see an old lady. I just miss her so much and I wonder how long it will take until it doesn’t hurt so much. I’m sad that she won’t ever get to see my new house, or see me get married, or meet my kids. She believed in heaven, so I know she must be there, looking down on me and this gives me a little comfort. I’m glad I was able to write this down and let this community know what a wonderful woman my Tita was. Do you know something Tita? I love you. I will love you forever and ever.