My Tita

by Em
(Las Vegas, NV )

I miss my Tita. It will be six months on January 5th since my grandma died. She died the day after I moved across the country and I feel like I never really got to say goodbye. She was diagnosed with lymphoma in January of 2012. I hate cancer. By the time the doctors knew it was cancer, it was too late to do anything for her. They tried radiation and chemo but since she was so old, her body wasn’t taking it too well and they had to stop. She was in so much pain so the rational part of my brain knows that her death means she isn’t in pain any more and she’s in peace. I feel so selfish for wishing she was still alive, that I had had just one more chance to give her a kiss and a hug and to tell her how much I loved her. She would always tell me “Em, you know something?” And I would say “What?” And she would tell me “I love you”. I would give anything for her to say that to me just one more time. She was our weekend mom, for me and my 4 siblings. Our parents would drop us off on Friday and pick us up on Sunday when we were younger. I don’t know how to stop randomly crying when I smell her perfume or when I see an old lady. I just miss her so much and I wonder how long it will take until it doesn’t hurt so much. I’m sad that she won’t ever get to see my new house, or see me get married, or meet my kids. She believed in heaven, so I know she must be there, looking down on me and this gives me a little comfort. I’m glad I was able to write this down and let this community know what a wonderful woman my Tita was. Do you know something Tita? I love you. I will love you forever and ever.

Comments for My Tita

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Dec 30, 2012
Hello Em of Las Vegas
by: Anonymous

Your Tita would be so proud of you for telling about her on the Internet. As much as we hate the advancement of technology when we grow older, it is always a wonderful thing when technology is used in the right way, the way in which you are using it to honour your Gran.

Perhaps you can go a little further... I am certain that even in Las Vegas there must be homes or 'havens' for senior citizens, a place where aged people go to in their fading years. I am very certain that there are some lonely old souls in these places who would be overjoyed by a visit from someone like you who has so much love and respect for their status. Perhaps you can think of such a place and perhaps you can go there just to say 'hi'. Go tell them about your Tita and about the beautiful relationship which you had with her and which continues in your heart. I am certain it would make this New Year a happy one for them, and I am certain it would make your Tita very proud, wherever she is now.

Dec 30, 2012
My Tita
by: Doreen U.K.

Em I am sorry for your loss of your grandma. You are not being selfish for wanting more time with your grandma. It is very human to want this. We are never prepared for death and to lose someone special from our lives is so very painful. All the things in life you want to share with them. make more memories and now any future memories are gone forever.
You hate cancer. I hate cancer. My husband died of cancer 8 months ago and he suffered a slow painful death for over 3yrs. This is the only comfort. My husband. Your grandma is out of suffering and at peace. But it still hurts us so much. My body also is very painful with grief. This is what Grief does to our body. It becomes so very painful it is hard to move. I have also lost my motivation to do anything. Not sure when this will come back or when our grief will have had its run and we can Heal from this Sorrow.
Every day is so different now. EMPTY. LONELY. I don't know when this will change or it ever will. I hope that you will have happier days in the weeks that follow and that you will get your life back again with Happy memories of life with your grandma.

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