My True Love
Work & life took me to an exotic island. I was never supposed to stay longer than 18 months. I met my soul mate, my true love, my best friend. I was 34 yrs.old when I met him & we always joked that I crossed the Atlantic Ocean to meet him. We fell in love & gave each other what we always needed & never thought existed. This beautiful, amazing, loving & kind man was murdered now 3 months ago. We both work in law enforcement & his murder is believed to be & I know to be related to his work. He was also the father of 3 children, a beloved co-worker & even an entrepreneur. I never met such an amazing man & he loved me. All of me: fat/skinny, long hair/short hair, snoring, my silliness & moodiness. He knew me the good, the bad & the ugly & loved me. I never felt more love in my life. Now he is gone. He was taken from us: his family, his friends & his job where he protected so many. The investigation is pending & almost 3 months no arrest. He was one of the good guys & I can't get pass that this is so unfair. So messed up & absolutely all wrong. I can't swallow the whole it was meant to be or the cliche that everything happens for a reason. I go thru my days on autopilot & cruise control. I can't stop thinking of him. My heart physically aches. I scream out & no one answers. I go to work hoping for answers, only to find sadness & anger. Now I am moving & it feels like another death. Leaving where we met, where we fell in love....but also where he was murdered & the memory of his death at work lingers...I will never know love like this & I will never have answers & right now it seems there will never be any arrests or people held responsible for his murder. I am no longer the same person, I avoid radio stations & music because songs make me cry. Songs are either too happy or too sad & too painful so I listen to talk radio. I don't like to go out or be in large groups or settings with lots of people. It feels overwhelming & makes me miss him even more. We were always out & both very social. We had soooo many great times together & good friends. I usually just go to work & then home. I spend time with only co-workers who knew him & are close with us. I don't feel myself. I don't even think I smile the same & when I laugh not sure it's a real laugh. I just want him back. I just want to touch his face, kiss his lips & feel hs hands again. I want to hear his voice & feel his touch. We deserved each other. I don't see how to get thru this. I don't see a way. I am such a different person. I don't know who I am.