My Unaccknowledged Hero

by Sue
(Elkland PA)

Ryan has only been gone not 3 weeks and he has left a big whole in my heart. He was a veteran who suffered from Post Traumamatic Stress Disorder. I thought he was doing better and now he is gone.

His wounds from the war were not wounds that could be seen on an xray or felt. His wounds were unseen and hard to describe, he was trying to move on with his life making plans and doing stuff.

One day he went to work, got his truck stuck, was out in the middle of no where had no cell service, had his dog with him walked two miles; it was very hot. And he commited suicide. I feel like he was in so much physical and emotional pain that he just could not endure anything else.

He must have been overwhelmed and exhausted. He was a hero and my life has changed drastically since then; I feel like I have boxed the grief up and can only endure a little of it at a time. We now have Ryan's dog with us to care for, she brings comfort and also sadness, as a constant reminder that Ryan is not with us.

She heard his truck pull in our drive way yesterday and got all excited and kept looking for Ryan. He is not coming back. I keep telling myself that he is in a better place and does not hurt now, but I do.

Comments for My Unaccknowledged Hero

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Mar 07, 2011
so very sad.
by: Rebecca

I am so very sorry about your loss. It's so sad that he was treated improperly, i think many go through the lack of mistreatment when it comes to mental issues. My brother attempted suicide 3 times and went to the VA all 3 times, only to be released in 72 hrs. this makes me mad because he succeeded to take his life on Jan 31, 2011. He like your loved one needed much TLC and therapy which the VA doesn't have time for these days. Many like our loved ones live in torment due to lack of proper medical care. I am so very sorry. I do know that the pain is overwhelming and the reality of it is tormenting.

Jun 03, 2009
So very sad
by: Marcia

My brother committed suicide 2 weeks ago so I know your pain. My heart is broken and my sadness is beyond anything I ever imagined. With the help from family and friends we will feel joy again- just not in the same way. I know I am changed forever by this tragedy. So sorry for your loss.

May 16, 2009
I am so sorry for your loss
by: Shari

I read your post, and I cannot tell you how sorry I am for your loss. I am so sorry. My heart really goes out to you.

I am not a spouse or the beloved of a service member, so I don't know if this helps, but I hope by knowing how deeply sorry I am for this senseless, painful loss brings a teeny bit of comfort.

I just lost my finance to cancer (1 month and 5 days ago), and my heart is still breaking. I miss him every day. He was so strong, brave, courageous and a hero to many. He had Stage 4 and the prognosis was very grim and he battled it for 2 years!

Just when I think I am doing a little better, something comes up and really knocks me back down. His best friend contacted me yesterday sending me the link to the new "Memorial Website". I read the friends/families submissions and just crumpled with pain. Again.

I had a dream of him recently, and although I was comforting him in his dream, he was still sick with the cancer, when I woke up, I just couldn't remember if he had passed away or was still alive! I had to relive the whole past few months while I was laying there alone in bed trying to remember where he was and what happened.


Grief is a crazy thing! Once the shock and numb feelings wear away a bit, I hope you can/will find a grief support group where you live (I joined one after Bruce passed, and although I have to DRAG myself there every Monday night, I do feel better after I go. Sharing and listening to others share helps a lot).

In the meantime, as you comprehend this profound loss, let yourself cry knowing each tear is a note of love rising to the heavens.

And you are not alone. AND although you don't know me at all, I will keep you in my prayers tonight and pray also that you will find peace and comfort in the coming days. Your beloved was a hero in my book and I salute him and pray for him and feel so sad that he was in so much pain. And I feel so sad that you are in so much pain.

Hugs to you from Southern California

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