My Unaccknowledged Hero
Ryan has only been gone not 3 weeks and he has left a big whole in my heart. He was a veteran who suffered from Post Traumamatic Stress Disorder. I thought he was doing better and now he is gone.
His wounds from the war were not wounds that could be seen on an xray or felt. His wounds were unseen and hard to describe, he was trying to move on with his life making plans and doing stuff.
One day he went to work, got his truck stuck, was out in the middle of no where had no cell service, had his dog with him walked two miles; it was very hot. And he commited suicide. I feel like he was in so much physical and emotional pain that he just could not endure anything else.
He must have been overwhelmed and exhausted. He was a hero and my life has changed drastically since then; I feel like I have boxed the grief up and can only endure a little of it at a time. We now have Ryan's dog with us to care for, she brings comfort and also sadness, as a constant reminder that Ryan is not with us.
She heard his truck pull in our drive way yesterday and got all excited and kept looking for Ryan. He is not coming back. I keep telling myself that he is in a better place and does not hurt now, but I do.