My Waking Demise

by Steven
(Perth, Western Australia)

I know she is gone
The tears I have wept
But in my heart
I cannot accept

Without her I'm lost
She was my life
My past, my future
She was my wife

What do I do
Wait for tomorrow
But what is the point
It only holds sorrow

Suicide maybe
I've given it thought
But don't have the guts
That's come to nought

I was holding her hand
The moment she died
I had to be strong
But inside I cried

I wept and I wept
Nothing remained
My life is empty
I'm totally drained

The grief will pass
They say it will fade
But so will our memories
I'm so afraid

She was my life
Always together
As it should be
For ever and ever

Nothing lasts
This much is known
But without her beside me
I'm so alone

So what of tomorrow
The sun will still rise
And life will go on
My Waking Demise

Comments for My Waking Demise

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Jul 09, 2012
My Waking Demise
by: Doreen U.K.

Steven I am sorry for the loss of your wife. thank you for your poem expressing the grief of a spouse left. You express well how we all feel who aren't poets. I lost my husband of 44yrs. marriage 8 weeks ago. Steve was the love of my life. I loved him the first day I saw him and never stopped loving him. My heart aches. I don't feel like going on in life. I won't ever forget him or our life together. No one will ever replace him. When he was made God broke the mould. Every person is unique in their own way. They have their own memories.
Of course SUICIDE is not the answer. It is not what we really want. But it is how we feel. We feel we are unable to go on in life. The pain is unbearable. The lonliness, and emptiness of a life without our spouse has no words in the English language to describe this. It can't be defined. It feels as if your soul is bleeding and it can't be stopped.
Steven we go on one day at a time. Don't look too far ahead. You will feel yourself sinking. Each day has nothing left for us to look forward to do. We just go through the motions of existing. Crying and crying is what we do to get it out of our system for ever how long this takes. Till the tears stop. This doesn't mean you will forget your wife. You will then be able to remember the good times and you will feel different. I haven't reached that point. That is where the goalpost is. I hope you have good support as this is vital to going through grief. See a grief counsellor if you have to. Counsellors are trained to support us through grief when we are stuck in the pain of it all and it is overflowing.
I wish for you better days ahead. Good support whilst you work through you grief. A better future where you won't feel that life is not worth living. I hope you find your Purpose to go on in Life. Best wishes.

Jul 09, 2012
I feel the same
by: Judith

Steven, your words are exactly how I feel. I have recently started writing a journal and it allows me to vent and it is as if I am talking to my husband. Each day I start with the words "another day my darling". It's as if I am counting the days but the days to what? Tommorrow will be just the same as today and yesterday, full of sadness and longing for my husband. Will it ever get any better, will we ever face a new day without so much sadness. Everyone on this site is doing it tough and it helps to know we are not alone in our grief. I too am from Perth WA. Nice to know I am not alone here.

Jul 09, 2012
Thank you for your poetry
by: Jillian

Dear Steven,
I too am recently bereaved. The loneliness you described in your poem is a daily reality for me.

I devoted the last twelve years to looking after a fantastic mother and best friend. Mum was at my side all the time and even though she was mostly wheelchair bound gave me courage to undergo two operations in the last year.

Steven I know this is different to losing a spouse, but I believe that total commitment, love and devotion whether to a wife, mother or child leaves a terrible void after death that causes unbearable pain.

I hope you can draw some comfort that I living in Leeds in England send my heartfelt condolences to you at this devastating time. I hope your beautiful memories will one day be a little easier to reflect on.

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