My whole world changed, yet I am still here
Back in January, shortly before my birthday, my entire world collapsed.
I am a U.S service man, currently stationed in Korea. My fiance had been struggling with cancer. For sometime it seemed that she was beating it. We were both concerned when I was sent here, because we were uncertain if she would be able to make the trip or not.
We decided that I would head for Korea and we would look into how she might make the trip to be with me. That was in December shortly after Christmas.
She didn't make it to the end of January, and I was half the world away and had no time to get home to her before she passed away.I extended my time in Korea simply because I did not want to go home to that emptiness where we had been together. I thought it might help but it hasn't.
Everything feels so detached now, as if I am just here. That I have no connections to anything anymore.
We were together for almost three years. Which I know isn't a long time compared to what others have had. But that time felt so much longer and was so intense because she had been struggling and each day felt as though it might be the last one. And I wanted to give her everything that I could. To make her feel like we would be together forever.
Now I realize what I fool I was. That hasn't stopped the emotions however. My dreams of her. or the way I long for the time we had together.
I can't let go of her. I don't want to.