My Wife Died And Her Family Didn't Tell Me

by Jeff
(Louisville Kentucky)

My wife and I legally seperated on friendly terms. Recenently she died and her family didn't contact me on purpose. I found out a few days ago. Her funeral was last month. I consider this abuse. That family didn't give me a chance to go to her funeral to pay respects and say goodbye. I am still her husband and I feel my rights were violated. This feels like a nightmare that I can't wake up from. There should be laws against this sort of abuse. Her online Obituary does not even list me as a survivor. Her family should be held accountable for their actions! I do not have anywhere to turn.

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Aug 10, 2013
My Wife died and her family didn't tell me
by: Doreen U.K.

Jeff I am sorry firstly for the loss of your wife and also for the separation and the way your wife's family have treated you by not informing you of her death.
This is such a cruel act towards you. I lost my husband of 44yrs. to cancer 15 months ago and if this was not bad enough I have had my husband's family behave in the worst way ever. My husband's eldest brother taking control and fighting with grave staff to clean the grave. going into my daughter's workplace and shouting at her to clean her father's grave. then his daughter's give us threats about living in their uncle's house. breaking my heart grave ornament. Accusing me of using cremation when it was against their beliefs when I was carrying out my husband's wishes. I always respected my husband's family out of love for him so I went against my husband's wishes of cremation and gave him a burial out of respect to his family and still they gave us so much grief we had to get law enforcement in for our protection. Now with mega problems with our home we find out the nieces have put a curse on our home so that so much goes wrong with it that I have to sell it and go broke.
None of us fought back. WE left everything in God's hands. Some battles we can't fight in our own strength. This is just an abbreviated account of what we have gone through. My husband's only sister has nothing to do with this part of the family who are doing wrong and she wished I had buried her brother (my husband) secretly and not told any of the other side of the family in much the same way you are going through now. But I could never do this. Some mistakes made cannot be undone and I would have had to live with this forever. I did the right thing and feel content. Your wife's family will get back in some way what they have done to you. But saying this it doesn't help you get over your hurt and pain of what has been done to you. Many families behave badly at a time of death and can add to one's grief. You could see a counsellor to help you with your anger which is normal. Then write to your wife's family and let them have your wrath if only to hand it back to them and then you can walk away with dignity. You can also keep a journal and write out letters to your wife if only to diffuse your anger and this is very therapeutic for coping with grief. You can write how you want and even write out your angry feelings against your wife's family. It will make you feel better. You may not find this a very masculine thing to do. But it works. I hope things work out for you. Please write back.

Aug 10, 2013
You need support
by: Heartbroken daughter

Dear Jeff, Please try to get some friends to support you.

I was my darling mum's advocate and in my absence in laws violated what my mum wished. These people did not have any connection with her - and never even visited her when she was ill. So I understand your sense of injustice.

Is it possible for you to place a memorial in your wife's memory maybe a seat in a hospice and do something special for a charity in her name.

These would be gestures that would surely mean a lot to to you - and your cherished memories would live on.

Hope things get easier.

Aug 09, 2013
by: Anonymous

Jeff, how horrible for you. Talk with an attorney and see what your rights are. Don't let them get away with this.

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