My wife died in March, and I can't stop missing her

by Ron
(Enfield NH)

My wife passed on March 15, 2013. She had her share of health problems, but we always thought she would get better. She had faulty heart valves, and was diabetic. She had a sore on her toe that wouldn't heal and got infected. They amputated the toe and the infection spread,then they amputated more of the foot, but couldn't stop the infection. The last time she was in the hospital, they "had it under control" and sent her home with IV ports for anti-biotics and blood thinners. The visiting nurses and I were doing the IV's daily. She couldn't walk without a walker and even tthen only a few steps. I bought her a lift chair as she was too weak to get up on her own. On her last day she was having a little trouble breathing, but she always did, she was a big girl anyways, and had a lot of fluid built up. She wouldn't go to the hospital, said they weren't doing anything for her anyway. She was in great spirits that night. Later she was hungry, so I made us a snack and we went to bed, she rolled over and started to fall out of bed. I caught her but she wouldn't wake up. I called 911 and did cpr till they got here but she was already gone.

I can't stop reliving that night, over and over again. I blamed myself for not doing more, The emotional roller coaster is too much too handle. I love her with all my heart. I realize we all grieve in different ways, but all I can see at night is her face while I was doing cpr waiting for the fast squad, knowing she was already gone.
She died way too soon, she was only 48.

Comments for My wife died in March, and I can't stop missing her

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Jun 11, 2013
Hi
by: Anonymous

I'm absolutely heartbroken to read your story puts everything in life into context, my wife is soldiering on but I know something is not right she won't go to the doctor. I've not been nice to her in the past reading your story shows me how fragile everything is. I'm here at a bus stop crying my eyes out it must be so difficult for you. I hope you slowly feel better. God bless.

Jun 06, 2013
God bless you Ron
by: Jeanne

I am so sorry for your loss and I know how hard it is. My hope for you is to have many memories of her beautiful smiling face, know how much you helped her and especially how much she loved you. God bless you always!

Jun 05, 2013
My wife died in March, and I can't stop missing her
by: Ron

I would like to thank everybody for all their kind words, this is a great help to me, to be able to air my thoughts to people who truly understand.

Jun 04, 2013
I can't stop missing her
by: Pat J.Green Bay,WI

Dear Ron,
Your grief is in the early stages; that gut wrenching pain, the tears, loneliness and emptiness..
It will be 2 years on June 27th, my husband died from a massive heart attack. Like your wife, so fast; one minute here and then gone. You feel like your life is in a fog, going through the motions, numb.
People would say, things will get easier and better. The want to encourage us; only those who have experienced our grief truly understand. For me, getting essier and better, No way!
It will be two years I am going on without him. I miss him as much today, if not more. I miss everything about him. It's the little things I miss the most; hugs, kisses, his affection, his teasing, his helping me with so much and especially, my first cup of coffee from him in the morning. He was an early riser always and when he heard me in the bedroom, in he came with my cup of coffee. I couldn't make a pot of coffee for 3 months. It hurt so much.
He was in my life since I was 15, married him at 18, he was 21. He died the day after our 46th wedding anniversary, sitting on the side of our bed. One minute here and then gone. I feel the longer he is gone, the more I miss him. I will always love and miss him.
Keep coming to this site. Read all the posts you can; you are never alone; we understand. We all are in different stages of our grief. Life does go on, but our life as we knew it is forever gone.
I am learning to live my life; going from We to ME. I realize my husband isn't coming back. The day of his funeral, I wanted to be with him in his grave. I wanted to die also. I still say, a part of me died with him. I look like me on the outside, but I have changed on the inside. I look fine on the outside, but I am still crying on the outside. The loneliness and emptiness; only those who lost a spouse truly understand. We never really get over their death; we slowly learn to live without them. Forget them, NEVER. Cherish your wife's memory, that's all we have left and no one can take that away from us.

Jun 04, 2013
My apologies, Doreen
by: Alan

I'm sorry Doreen, it seems I mentioned you in my post to Ron and called you Dolores. I AM so awful with names.

Anyways.....you'll always be an Angel to me!

Jun 04, 2013
So sorry for your loss
by: Alan

Ron, all of us here know the devastation of losing someone we loved with heart and soul. My thoughts and prayers are with you in your time of need, nothing I can add to ease your pain. Just know you are not alone....

I lost my precious Donna to lung cancer on December 8th, 2011. She was and will always be my everything, the most beautiful, loving, warm person to ever walk the earth. She was 52, and like your wife was also a diabetic, though was fortunate enough to control it with the use of an insulin pump. Diabetes is an awful disease. Guilt is an awful emotion. Please don't let the guilt you now feel eat away at you, you did everything humanly possible for your wife.

Ron, the posts here are from caring, amazing, special people. In a few weeks or months, read their thoughtful posts again and hopefully you'll know that this long road we must travel alone, with unbearable weight on our shoulders and unspeakable pain in our broken hearts may, in time, be made a tad easier when shared with folks who are going through their own personal hell.

We've all known the pure joy of true Love, the sheer emptiness of grief, the oceans of tears, the uncertainty of life itself, and yet we carry on. You see, it's what my Donna would want. It's what Lawrence's beautiful wife would want, and Dolores's husband would want. Your wife would want the same for you.

Take care of yourself first and foremost, Ron, and know that grief follows no timetable or schedule. Please feel free to tell us more about your beloved wife when your able.

Jun 03, 2013
My wife died in March and I cant stop missing her
by: Anonymous

My wife died on May 16th after a six month battle with breast cancer. The oncologist said the cancer was under control, but the chemo damaged her lungs. She fought on a ventilator for 16 days for dying from acute respiratory distress. Her kidneys failed and her blood pressure dropped out the bottom. I ended up signing to stop the ventilator and she was dead within 2 minutes. This ended a wonderful marriage of 21 years. Its only been a short time, but I cant stop crying. At this time the future looks pretty bleak.

Jun 03, 2013
I know it hurts
by: William Kounter

I sympathize with you greatly. I only lost my wife Linda just over six weeks ago and I don't know how I'm gonna survive it. But I do know it seems to help to talk about it, and this website is one I am grateful for.

It hurts so much, but I do feel glad to have this place to express myself. I know you miss your wife. Just take life one day at a time, one hour at a time. That's about all I do. I force myself to go out; I make myself do things outside the home. I do it because I know she would want me to. I would much rather be with her, wherever she is. And don't take that wrong; I would never kill myself, but I hurt like I might as well have.

Keep reading, keep posting, keep talking. It helps ALL of us.

Jun 03, 2013
No Guilt
by: lawrence

Ron,
Please,please,please do not feel any guilt at all, you did more than was humanly possible to save your beloved wife but it wasn’t to be.
The grief you are now going through has been experienced by everybody on this site and we all know the feeling of devastation, hopelessness and the incredible sadness.
I went through almost everything you did; my wife was a diabetic with heart valve problems and her sudden death in a moment is etched also on my brain. The medic’s doing CPR, the mad dash to the hospital in the ambulance with them doing all they could to get her heart beating again and being told if they get it beating she would be brain dead and me telling them tearfully to let her die.
I closed her eyes and kissed her goodbye thanking her for the seventy wonderful happy years we had together and that was the end of our love story.
Believe me we all grieve in the same way, crying at the drop of a hat, the futility of going on living without the person you loved more than life itself, the empty bed and the waking in the morning hoping it was just a nightmare and the tears when you find it isn’t.
You have to grieve and cry and wail, its nature’s way, if you don’t you will make yourself ill.
You have joined a club nobody wants to be a member of but the inevitability of life and death means one of you in a loving relationship will be left to mourn and grieve and join this terrible club.
I keep saying on all my contributions to this site “GRIEF IS THE PRICE YOU PAY FOR LOVE” so be grateful as I am for the wonderful years you had together.
We are all praying for you in our own way.
Remember NO GUILT.
Lawrence


Jun 03, 2013
My wife died in March, and I can't stop missing her
by: Doreen U.K.

Ron I am sorry for your loss of your wife. I lost my husband to cancer 13 months ago and I feel worse today with grief. I keep seeing different images of my husband, but can't remember the last 44yrs. of marriage. Where have they gone. It feels as if they never existed in light of this loss of him. I struggle to remember everything. I dream of him a lot at night and even in the daytime if I fall asleep. In my dreams he is Alive, he is not dead. This is quite a common experience many people say they experience also.
I don't ever want to forget Him. I will really worry when the memories and dreams of him stop. This way I can capture some of his existence and life with us as a family.
I hope you will have family and friends who can comfort and support you at this difficult time.

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