My wife died in March, and I can't stop missing her
My wife passed on March 15, 2013. She had her share of health problems, but we always thought she would get better. She had faulty heart valves, and was diabetic. She had a sore on her toe that wouldn't heal and got infected. They amputated the toe and the infection spread,then they amputated more of the foot, but couldn't stop the infection. The last time she was in the hospital, they "had it under control" and sent her home with IV ports for anti-biotics and blood thinners. The visiting nurses and I were doing the IV's daily. She couldn't walk without a walker and even tthen only a few steps. I bought her a lift chair as she was too weak to get up on her own. On her last day she was having a little trouble breathing, but she always did, she was a big girl anyways, and had a lot of fluid built up. She wouldn't go to the hospital, said they weren't doing anything for her anyway. She was in great spirits that night. Later she was hungry, so I made us a snack and we went to bed, she rolled over and started to fall out of bed. I caught her but she wouldn't wake up. I called 911 and did cpr till they got here but she was already gone.
I can't stop reliving that night, over and over again. I blamed myself for not doing more, The emotional roller coaster is too much too handle. I love her with all my heart. I realize we all grieve in different ways, but all I can see at night is her face while I was doing cpr waiting for the fast squad, knowing she was already gone.
She died way too soon, she was only 48.