My wife left me after 5 years

by Shawn
(San Jose CA)

Hi Everyone. I never thought in my life that I would be sharing my experience with random people on the net, but I can't hold it in anymore.

First of all, I'm 30 yrs old, and I'm from London, England. I moved to California 9 years ago. For 6 years, I have known the most beautiful, softest and sweetest person in my whole life. I thought she was the one. We loved each other so much and thought everything was perfect. We met at 24 and now we both just hit 30.

Once she turned 30, she has become a "different" person. She all of a sudden hates her job after 11 yrs, she hates our living situation. She hates my financial situation (even thought I make around 60k a year) she hates that we have tried for 2 years to have kids, and nothing is working. She hates that she doesn't own a house (even though we made goals to save 2k a month, and are saving for a down payment?) I just don't know what was going on with her.

I have a little family construction business that has become established, and we are making consistent income every month. But she says it isn't enough. Her friends all have husbands who are regional managers for big companies, engineers, financial advisors, e.t.c.
I think she may be embarrassed of me.

I went to the gym for 8 years of my life, so my body was in shape, and the past 2 years, I haven't been going, so I've gained 40 pounds. So has she.

She just became bitter about everything in life.

She told me she doesn't want to be with me anymore, and she wants to try something different in life. I was crushed. Very very crushed. Here's the woman of my dreams, and now she hates me and is leaving me.

I don't drink, do drugs, or anything. I don't cheat, and never have. I'm so confused!

I love her so much that I let her go. Her happiness is far more important than my own. I wouldn't even mind living in a shared house with 10 people, and have nothing in life, just to see her happy again.

The pain is so hard to take in, that I don't know what to do anymore. I don't believe in hurting myself...but I keep getting these thoughts that are creeping into my mind, that seem like the only way out.

Is anyone else experiencing this?

Comments for My wife left me after 5 years

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Jun 14, 2014
My wife left me after 5 years
by: Doreen UK

Shawn you have worked so hard to get where you are and your wife showed ingratitude by expecting more from you than you could give. Unfortunately you live in a part of the world where discontentment is a strong part of the lifestyle. Many people expect a certain lifestyle. Perhaps one of your wife's friends has sown the seeds of discontent in her which has made her leave you. You cannot force someone to live with you if they don't want to. See a counsellor if you have to so you can be helped in your grief and to move forward.
My son used an online dating site. Met the girl he loved deeply. She still wanted her EX in her life and had a lot of emotional intimacy with him. She needed both men in her life. She was never happy with his earnings. My son went to his boss often asking for a pay raise. My husband and myself advised our son to leave her. WE could see the danger signs having been married 44yrs. But he went against our advice and married this girl who threw him out of HER HOUSE 5 times, because he objected to her relationship with her EX. She put a pre-nuptial in place that he gets nothing from her. He doesn't want anything from her. He is the giver she is the taker. He has the sense of commitment to make a marriage work, but it still takes 2. My husband was dying of cancer at the time and we had the stress of taking our son in all of the 5 times she threw him out of HER HOUSE. At the same time caring for my dying husband. My husband died 2yrs. ago of his cancer. I had a confrontation with our son about the duties of a son and taking over the house. He wasn't interested. He walked away from me and his sister on the day of the funeral/burying my husband. I had to let him go and make his own mistakes and learn. No more rescuing him. He is on his own. Made his choice. But when my husband died. Our son kept ringing up our lawyer for the Will. He wanted to know what he was getting. My son is not like this. I KNOW HIM WELL. His new wife's brother is a lawyer who knows everything. This is the world we live in now. DISCONTENTMENT is at the root of many marriage breakdowns and divorces. You need a poor woman who has nothing and will appreciate everything. Grieve your loss and maintain your Integrity. You will find Love again and this will be your EX's loss.

Jun 14, 2014
My wife left me
by: Nadine

Shawn, my heart goes out to you at this most difficult time for you. Your wife sounds like she doesn't know what she wants and is probably thinking at 30 she is missing out on things. She may well regret her decision to leave at some point, since you sound like you really love her. You need to have faith that either she will return and you two will work things out or you will find someone else who appreciates you. I know what it is like to want to give up but stay strong and have faith in yourself. You are a good person and that is what matters. I wish you well.

Jun 13, 2014
by: Judith in California

Dear Shawn, this is all about her not you. She is looking around and comparing her life to those who appear to have it all. It sounds to me like she has et someone who has turned her around. She feels entitled to a "richer" life. She is chasing the elusive money tree thinking that will bring her happiness. She will, all too late, find out that money will not give her what she had with you. But, it's her lesson to learn. God will send you the right woman. One who will loe you , not money or things. People come into our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime. It's a sign of today, and especially living in California, folks don't know the meaning of marriage vows or they think oh well if I don't like it today I can get a divorce. It a rotten shame. Your ex-wife will one day want you back but I hope you move on after the heartbreak of it all and find another one who will absolutely adore you.
I feel so bad for you but there are a few young ladies who would be so blessed to have a guy like you. Please in time, find the right young woman, a christian based one who knows that the kind of character you have is a value in a man. Please don't let this experience harden you and mistrust all women.

We widows and widowers on this site could tell your ex-wife and others like her that she just threw away possibly the best she will ever have. Her next guy may be a controlling , tyrant who beats her.

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