My wife, my angel, my whole world

by Charles Copeland
(Atlantic City, NJ)

My sweet angel

My sweet angel

This past Tuesday, January 12, 2010, my wife of 13 years passed on to her next job as an angel. And every moment without her is unbearable.

She spent the evening experiencing chest pain and indigestion, but didn't suspect it to be a medical emergency because 6 weeks prior, after an emergency room visit for the same problems, she was told it was not a tumor, it was not a collapsed lung, it was nothing of immediate concern. The doctor even told her that the EKG they’d done simply read as if normal. So they sent her home along with paperwork that openly stated, and I’m quoting directly here:

“Fortunately, there is no evidence of a dangerous medical condition.”

They claimed it was severe heartburn and indigestion. Plain and simple. Nothing to panic about.

Then this past Tuesday night, at 10:30, she decided the pain was too intense and asked me to go to the store for Exlax and Gas-X. We both hoped that would solve the problem, because the hospital told us it wasn’t more than that. So I went.

When I came home, she was screaming in pain in the bathroom. I covered the ground between the door and the bathroom in what seemed like a single, mighty leap, and asked if I should call an ambulance. She looked at me, said, “I’m so dizzy,” and fell forward. I dove to block her from hitting her head on the door and was able to deflect her to a somewhat less forceful landing on the floor. She was out cold but breathing heavily. Then she went into convulsions. I was terrified.

Somehow I managed to shove my wallet into her mouth so she wouldn’t bite her tongue AND reach FOUR AND A HALF FEET around 2 corners to get the phone (which I've tried to do since and have found to be impossible now). I called 911, screamed that I needed an ambulance, screamed our address, threw the phone on the floor (hoping they got enough of what I’d said to know where to come to), and checked her pulse. I was so scared and I didn’t know what to do.

All I knew to do was just to cradle her in my arms and tell her that I loved her and needed her and that help was on the way and that I couldn’t lose her. Right then, the convulsions slowed, she became less tense, eased her head back, opened her eyes wide and fixed her gaze on my own terrified eyes and said “I love you”. I repeated it back over and over again …

And then she drifted away in my arms.

I had never felt so helpless in all my life. She was everything I lived for and there was nothing I could do to save her. And now she’s gone. She saved my life 15 years ago (when we first met) and I was powerless to do the same for her.

The crushing pain is unbearable. I’m so lost without her.

I miss my angel.

Comments for My wife, my angel, my whole world

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Mar 02, 2011
I feel your pain
by: Wanda

I lost my husband of 31 years August 2010... He had cancer and I saw him just wither away... He was way too young to die at 58... I miss him terribly... He was my love my life my soul mate but most of all my best friend... I was with him to the very end... His last words was he told me he loved me... People keep telling me that it will get easier but here 7 months later it hasn't lessened any...
I wish you comfort in your loss.. May your memories be happy memories...
One day you will meet again...

Jan 25, 2010
I am so sorry
by: Sandy

I just read your story and hear myself in so much that you said. I lost my husband almost 1 year ago and the pain is exactly as you said, unbearable. I have heard the saying "It hurts to breathe" before, now I can honestly say I have felt that. My heart goes out to you....just know there are more of us out there. You are not alone, though I know how alone you do feel. I will pray for you. Your wife was very beautiful and I am sure a wonderful person.

Jan 24, 2010
I understand
by: Anonymous

I am so sorry for you. I lost my daughter 6 mos. ago and I know the feelings of "crushing pain!" There is no other term for when you lose someone you love so much. The pain is still with me but not with the intensity of the first few weeks. Everyone says it takes time to recover from such a loss as ours. As I'm sure you do, I hope they're right. I am so sorry.

Jan 20, 2010
Keep reading
by: Anonymous

There is nothing that I can say to soothe your broken soul. I too have lost my other half, on 12/06/09 and I shall never be the same. Later I hope you can walk outside and see the beauty that still exists. Though you see nothing but grief and heart ache at this point. Thankfully you have found this site. It has helped me tremendously. My heart goes out to you because I feel it too. HH

Jan 19, 2010
Your angel
by: Anonymous

I am so very sorry to read of your loss. Your wife did indeed look like an angel. She was ever so pretty.
Many things happen that we do not understand. Please take some time to pray for comfort. My prayers are with you at this difficult time. My heart aches reading the things you wrote and the deep love you shared. God loves you and will help you through this. He is doing the same thing for me and I understand the pain of losing someone I love. You will see your angel again some day.

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