My wonderful Sabrina...

by Paul
(Chicago, IL)

Saturday I had to have my wonderful cat Sabrina put to sleep. Over the last few years she had developed arthritis, and it had gotten so bad that should couldn't even maintain her balance let alone walk a straight line. Friday night I carried her out to get some dinner and set her on the floor. She had grown so weak that after putting her down on the floor she tried taking a step only to have her front legs go out from underneath her. She gathered herself back up and had a few bites of food, then a few laps of water. Saturday as she was resting in her favorite place, I laid down next to her and fed her some of her favorite treats. She propped herself up as best as she could, but didn't offer any of the usual excitement over the treats. Soon she began to show signs of straining to even prop herself up, so I helped her back to laying down and resting. It was at that point that I knew she was not living a good life and I needed to do something.

Believe me, I cried plenty of nights leading up to this day as I knew the day would come. I cried all the way to vet knowing what was going to happen. They were nice enough to have all the paperwork ready for only my signature, and a room ready for me to spend my last few moments with Sabrina in. Now comes the part that I feel so guilty about. She laid in my arms so calmly, like she never did before. She didn't twitch, meow, or even remotely try to wiggle away. I keep telling myself that she trusted me and felt so safe that she didn't have to try to protect herself. I have cried so much feeling that I betrayed her love and trust by holding her as the vet gave her the first of two shots to euthanize her. I cannot stop thinking about how calm she was, and I am still crying so much for her....

I don't know what to do. Sabrina was my sole companion for 17 years. She was a gift to me that I will never forget. How am I supposed to get over this grief?