My wonderful son died

by Linda
(England)

In September 2009 my wonderful son died aged 41 from an accidental overdose of alcohol and drugs. I love him so so much. I grieved loads at first and had councelling. But like today when those sad feelings surface yet again it is awful and I feel overwhelmed that it will last a lifetime. It sometimes takes a while to realise that I am sad and sometimes I find myself comfort eating instead. And then I think of all the bad things he suffered and sometimes feel guilty that my life is good but he is missing from it. We were so close it felt like we were 2 hearts beating as one. I can see him in my mind's eye but cannot touch him. I love and miss him so much. Sometimes I feel like no one else cared about him (although I know this is not true). I hope and prayer that one day (in many many years time) I will be with him again but as I am not very religious I sometimes find this difficult to imagine.

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Aug 13, 2012
My wonderful son died
by: Anonymous

I, too, lost my Son in 2010. Heroin overdose at the age of 19. Miss him every single day. He started out at the age of 14 smoking pot, moved it on to pills, then onto heroin, which ultimately took his life after a five year period of continually trying to get him well. I don't really feel anyone understands the loss of a child until they have actually experienced it themselves. You learn to live with the pain as time goes on, but it stays with you forever, and you learn to bury it after a while. Every day when I wake up, I always ask God to just give me peace.

Aug 10, 2012
i SHOULD'T BLAME ANYONE BUT....
by: malgorzat

....myself. I was single mother in strange country, afraid of my own shadow. Working late hours, being to tired to see the pain of loneliness that my son was going trough. I was so stupid, thinking, that the love I have for him can fix everything. Like all kids he want to belong some ware. and he was welcome to join the bad group. Why did I not stop that? I ruin his life and I kill my baby.
I know the social stigma, about drug users. Well, maybe if would't be my son that would be my thinking to. But he was always polite to every one, never stole anything from me, loved animals and was saying " mom, I must get healthy. I like to be happy, get married and have family, and one day when I will be gone, I like to be remember for the good things, for helping people...."

On the funeral couple of moms came to me and said, that their kids told them if would't be my son, they would be dead today. That did not ease the pain I am going trough. Yesterday someone call to tell me , my son did not died in vain, they were doing drugs that day (he was sober for 16 months) and after he was gone ,she will never do drugs again,so he safe her life. Thats made me so sad and mad. All his friends new how much he is fighting to stay healthy. He turn to god for help, he was taking care of his body and soul...

to all those moms who write about their kids not visiting, not calling. I would do anything for my son never call or visit me, but knowing he is alive and happy, pain of not seeing your children is nothing when you compare to your child passing away.

Aug 09, 2012
MY ONLY CHILD, SON DIED
by: malgorzata Harvat

I am so sorry for you, I know the pain; is like someone cut of your arms and legs, then keep punching you in the guts and stubbing you in the heard again and again. and this is only physical pain, but the sadness and guilt, and the why did I......And then going in the past, I should better mom.

My son Michal, died on june 30 2012, he was clean and sober for16 months, doing so good, my best friend and the most caring son and person. I am still waiting to find out what happen, what I know is that he was on lot of meds prescribe by his doctor; antidepressants, anxiety, slipping pills...
I am upset with myself , and everyone who was around him that day. Michal died at his girlfriend place after they party a little. He was only 30 years old.

Aug 07, 2012
I know how you feel!
by: Phyllis Pickett

I know just how you feel sweetie, this last Dec 15 I lost my youngest son to alcohol & drugs, he had just turned 39, he passed away in surgery, them trying to stop his bleeding, he lived close, was single, & here everyday to help some way, even cooking, he loved to cook, we'd hang out & watch TV or movies, he would cry at the sad parts. I miss him so much, i just can't accept he is really gone, just like you, it is so hard, My boy my life, my happiness, I hate he is missing all the things we do so I don't enjoy them, I want Chad there with us. I pray for all us Mothers who know this deepest of pain any on can have on this earth, I pray so hard we will be together in Heaven, also that you & your boy will too, Hugs to you

Aug 06, 2012
Dear Linda
by: Pat

I know exactly what you are feeling. I to lost my daughter, Andrea to drugs and alcohol this past April. She was 34 and in my mind she could do no wrong. She was our only child. Everyday is
a struggle for me right now. There are so so days and then there are bad days. Yesterday I spent the day looking for someone to blame, her friends, her partner, the doctor at the pain clinic, etc. We tried to help her and probably all we did was enable her. I miss her so much.
I sit and visualize her smiling and talking to
me, I have picutres of her all over the house.
If I could just reach out and touch her.

Aug 06, 2012
My wonderful son died
by: Doreen U.K.

Linda I am sorry for your loss of your Son and for the way you are still feeling.
My son is 43yrs. My heart goes out to you knowing that if my son died I would be grieving just like you. I would wonder if I would ever recover. I am upset at the moment thinking of my nephew. My sister's son who threw himself in front of an express train. Ill with depression he couldn't go on anymore. His medication caused suicidal feelings. He was on SEROXAT. I live in England also you may know of this drug. My sister told me today that someone on TV was talking of thermal imaging. This triggered off her sadness and tears. The fire services had to use thermal imaging to collect the pieces of my nephews broken body from under the train. How can one recover from this type of death. I don't know. My husband died 12 weeks ago of a deadly aggressive cancer. I miss him. He was 65yrs. and we were married 44yrs. I don't know how I will get through the rest of my life without Steve. He was my heartbeat. I do believe in God. I do have the HOPE of seeing Steve again. This is not our eternal home. this is to come. WE are just passing through this life. this life is the preparation ground for our new life to come. this is the only reason I have to overcome grief and go on in life. It is a very painful and hard place to be. If I were to do a fulfilling job of voluntary work, making a difference in other people's lives this is what would give my life purpose. I did voluntary work for 8 years in mental health. It was the best experience of my life. It was very rewarding. Till something comes along I am on this website trying my best to encourage and support other's in grief. We are in the same boat. You are not alone. I could feel Steve's tears. He didn't want to die. this makes me upset and angry. What a way to die. Slowly for over 3yrs. Steve would have enjoyed his retirement. But he didn't get the chance to live. Steve went from work, to cancer, to death. I sometimes can't believe he is gone and not coming back. This is what hurts. Doing everything myself. It is such a burden with no one to share the duties and worries. I hope life does get better for you and you are well supported with family and friends to carry you through the difficult times and encourage you as this journey is long and tedious. Grief does wear one out.

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